Tag: Life

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on September 20, 2022

  1. My cat and I have started a new evening routine. I have started taking him outside (he has been strictly indoors aside from a handful of Houdini escapes for probably ten of his fourteen years of life), and it has been quite the sight to see. We are working on manners, because when we first started going out he would hiss at me if he was not ready to go inside.

  The hissing has since stopped, and he runs up to me more, but I still have to watch him.

  His behavior is respectful for the first ten minutes, and then he gets a bit shady. Going too close to gaps in the fence, or getting into the position like he wants to try to jump it – he knows what he is doing. Some days however, he is an angel the entire time and we go out for 15-20 minutes, and then I pick him up and we go inside. He even walks himself in the door after we’ve been out a bit.

  All creatures deserve to enjoy nature, even when they sass their mom.

  

  2. My anxiety has been off the charts lately. I have had a lot of things on my plate the last few months and my body has felt like a balloon about to burst. I took a weekend getaway a couple weeks ago and I was so riddled with stress my shoulders seized up. It took three weeks for my neck and shoulders to relax.

  3. Duncan had the most wonderful day date idea recently. He said to me: “Let’s go to the nursery and each pick out a plant.” Be still my beating heart. We wandered the entire nursery (I chose the biggest one near us) and we both ended up choosing the same plant. I wanted one that would clean the air, and he agreed.

  We then chose our own pottery to plant them in. I wasn’t sure if my pottery of choice had enough drainage capabilities, so I put some rocks from a nearby park on the bottom of the pot.

  

  

  4. Drinking my morning coffee is like a spiritual practice for me. I have had such a long road with coffee, and I am thankful I have found a way to make this black beauty work for me in my life. Something about that first sip…I am so excited for the changing seasons, drinking coffee on a crisp fall morning is unlike anything else. Anytime the seasons change I feely myself shift and change too.

  5. When I was living in Deutschland I would often bike through a town that had a Birkenstock outlet. I am not one to buy things that I don’t need, but I stopped in a few times to see what they had to offer. The prices were unbelievable, and I spent months trying to find a reason to justify buying another pair (I already had two.) Eventually I needed a new pair of work shoes, so I thought I would give the clogs that all the cooks were wearing a try.

  I did not care for them. They looked like clown shoes and I had to go a size bigger than my sandals because I felt my toes hitting the inside.

  I thought about returning them, but at the end of the day I figured I could just resell them in the states. Fast forward to working a job in a warehouse where my back is compromised. I have to wear closed toed shoes to work, so my sandals were out, but I thought I would try the clogs at work because the sandals always made my body feel good on the concrete. Low and behold the clogs have had their glory moment. They are the only shoes I have worn to work for the last year now.

  

  These shoes are over $120 in the states, but I paid maybe 45-50 euros for them. Plus, I can’t live in Germany and NOT buy a pair of locally grown Birkenstocks, that would just be wrong.

  6. My iPhone 8 is a piece of garbage. The battery sucks, and the charging port has started to give me problems. And yet, I cannot justify buying another one yet. I used the phone prior to this for a full year with an entirely cracked front screen because the phone still worked. The screen was annoying, but the phone worked. I will likely wait until I cannot charge this phone at all before I buy another one.

  7. I have not been hiking nearly as much as I would have liked this summer. I feel like my time has been stretched thin, and when the weekend comes I either can’t find anyone to go with (I have adapted the whole “don’t hike alone” mindset in my old age), or I am just too tired from my week. I think fall will be my time to shine, it’s just too hot in the summer most days for me.

  

  8. I have been trying to reprioritize my life again. I have been getting far too bent out of shape over things that happen at my workplace, despite the fact that I learned early on in my working “career” that I never wanted to spend more time working for someone than I did actually living my life. I am thankful I was given the tools on how to properly and effectively save money for my future, which has left me feeling like I can continue to work a job on “my terms.”

  I no longer care how others perceive my way of life.

  It helps that I don’t have a high rent to pay, and I have a very minimalistic lifestyle, but I truly believe anyone can make a life of simplicity work. It starts with a shift of priorities – life can be as simple as you want it. For me – I prefer simple. So on I float, wherever the wind takes me. I have shifted my perspective at work and have been working on letting things affect me less. The entire reason I choose to work the jobs I do are because I want a low stress environment.

  9. I also choose the jobs I do because a requirement for my life is flexibility. I have been feeling unfulfilled in my daily life lately with thoughts of future challenges and daily stressors at home. Without a proper balance of what makes me feel alive I start feeling bluer than a fresh batch of gorgonzola. I haven’t been riding my bike much lately, but this past weekend I took her out for a 20 mile spin on a beautiful farm road.

  It took me a while, but the gravel bike I bought back in March finally feels like a glove. I feel peace and joy when I sit on the bike, just like I did with my mountain bike from Germany.

  

  10. I am going to Sweden next week. One of my friends has family in Sweden, and he is just as impulsive as I am. It was a whirlwind of a decision, ticket purchase, and itinerary planning process, but I am taking the entire trip with a grain of salt. I will only be gone for twelve days, but I already miss Duncan. And my cat.

  Q: What’s your confession?

  

  | 33 Comments Tagged Biking, Early Morning Confessions, Life

• Joyful June

  Posted at 9:30 AM by Brittany, on June 28, 2022

  I am a sucker for a good alliteration (hence my corny blog URL circa 2011.) Nothing flows off the tongue quite like two words with the same first letter, and because I have been a bit of a pessimistic pill the last couple of months, I have decided to dedicate an entire post to more uplifting energy. I am trying my damndest to find joy in my everyday life despite the stagnation I feel.

  Not to worry, this is a normal way of existence for me. I don’t like the idea of settling for mundane, so when my life feels a bit monotonous I feel an uptick in anxiety. I have been coping, and there are indeed joyful days sprinkled amid the stale air in my lungs, but they do say you are your attitude after all.

  Without further adieu, let’s list five joyful specks in my life.

  

  1. Duncan. Ohhh Duncan. Where do I even begin? Duncan and I have a bit of an age gap. Erm, a decently significant age gap, as well as a plethora of differences. We had no idea where this relationship was going to go, and somedays we still don’t, but what I do know is that age has nothing to do with the ability to provide proper emotional support.

  Never have I ever dated someone who holds me so tightly when I cry.

  He has been such an unexpected blessing in my life, and I am thankful everyday to be shown what a meaningful relationship consists of. He also sometimes rocks a mustache giving me real Tom Selleck vibes. We celebrated our one year anniversary in April, and I went full high school prom proposal with a candy board.

  The idea was indeed borrowed, but the cringe worthy words were all my own. No shame.

  

  

  2. Hikes with friends. I have maintained a consistent fitness routine throughout the year, but my baseline hikes have been low-level adventures. I embarked on my first higher elevation hike a few weeks ago with two gal pals and I was sore for two days after. I don’t have many people around me that I truly enjoy investing my time in, but every so often a few slip through the cracks and we enjoy an outdoor adventure.

  Plus, I recently watched Grizzly Man for the first time, and have become absurdly afraid of bears. I don’t see many solo hikes in my future for a while.

  

  

  

  3. Torture Device. Aka my inversion table. Out of pure desperation after a year of consistent sciatic pain, I bought an inversion table. I had literally nothing to loose (except some money I suppose.) Nothing was working, I was in constant discomfort or pain, and my quality of life was suffering because of this unwelcome guest always nagging at my nerves.

  I cannot say if this has been exclusively what helped, but for about two weeks now I have had minimal discomfort allowing me to run again. I find this table to be a place of relaxation, and I can adjust how far back I want to go. Some days I only invert a little, and some days I invert more. I am a fan, and I will be keeping this tool in my repertoire.

  Also, shoutout to Duncan for helping me assemble this the day it came. I was extremely overwhelmed by the weight and the instructions, but he showed up at my door without being asked.

  

  4. Running. Running and I have had such an on again off again relationship. Recently I stopped running in attempt to help the above mentioned back issues (herniated disc), but I have been able to start again the last couple weeks and already it has improved my mood. I’m never without a weapon though, because running outside as a woman is always a gamble.

  The sad reality of the world we live in.

  

  5. My baby. Sometimes it’s hard for me to fathom how this tiny being had such a life threatening health concern four and a half years ago. I spent a lot of money to ensure he lived another day, and each day I have with him is now a blessing. He brings me so much joy, and his neediness over the last few years has been welcomed with open arms.

  Except when he humps me.

  

  I am thankful to have these pockets of joy in my life, but I also appreciate the ability to recognize that sometimes it’s ok to feel stuck. I’m realizing this is a recurring situation for me, and perhaps not just a short term struggle. Perhaps this is something I will continue to manage throughout my life. The up’s and the down’s are expected, but the waves feel more frequent than I would like at times.

  At the end of the day I know when I fall into these pockets of life my body is trying to tell me something. Typically a change is needed in some form, and I am trying to figure out where I want to start first. Change is not always easy, but it is almost always necessary. All things considered, I have become quite good at surfing these waves of life.

  Most days.

  Q: What is bringing you joy right now?

  

  | 21 Comments Tagged Duncan, Hiking, Life, PNW, Running

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on February 2, 2022

  1. I have been longing to sit and write for weeks, but I haven’t been able to get the words onto this page. I can’t seem to coherently form a proper post, therefor I am going to put my thoughts into an EMC post. This feels like the easiest way for me to word vomit back into blog land after being gone for a month and a half.

  2. I’ve been feeling incredibly “off” lately. Typical winter blues you could say, but pair this with the Brittany typical “what’s next” and you’ve got yourself an anxiety cocktail fit for a king. It started with a week of being housebound after a big snowfall giving me too much down time. Ohhh how I loathe down time.

  Winter is meant to be a time of reflection, and a time of pause. I try to remind myself this when I feel like I should be doing more. The stalemates I suspect a lot of us are feeling are completely normal this time of year. Soon enough the spring flowers will bloom, and the birds will sing.

  Until then, I hope to honor this season for what it is.

  

  3. I have amazing coworkers who helped me get to work after the snow hit, and I am incredibly thankful for people like them in my life. At the same time, I am feeling wildly out of place around most people right now. I feel like a black sheep among white sheep, and I am in dire need of a drastic change of some sort.

  The hard part is that I haven’t pinpointed exactly what I need yet.

  4. A few weeks ago I went for a 3 mile run. Nothing out of the ordinary. It felt a bit difficult, but I was able to manage a 10:31 pace. I felt slightly off the rest of the day, but chalked it up to a Sjögren’s flare. I woke up the next morning feeling like I was drunk.

  Spoiler: I had Covid.

  

  5. I have since recovered, and I was only immobile for the first 24 hours, but I still have some symptoms that I have deemed to be typical of most people. While in the throes of being sick my main symptoms were fatigue beyond fatigue (which is saying a lot from someone who already struggles with fatigue), a terrible headache the first day, a 24hr fever, and a lingering pressure off and on for a week making me feel foggy.

  Hmmm…sounds an awful lot like my autoimmune flareups.

  The hardest part was not bouncing back like I usually do when sick. When I am having a flareup, I know what I can do to get back to a baseline comfort. With this, I was unable to speed up the process. I had to wait it out. I still feel more tired than usual most days, and my typical activities wear me out quicker. I am thankful to have had “mild” symptoms in the grand scheme of it all, I know not everyone is so fortunate.

  I am slowly trying to build my endurance back up to what it was before I was chosen as a host for the virus.

  6. Sickness aside, I only managed to go on two hikes in the last two months, and I am certain my lack of outdoor time has affected my mental health. I went for a 5 mile snow hike back before Christmas (a photo of the camp shed is shared above), and I went for a 5 mile backyard hike last week. Last weeks hike was mild on paper, but thanks to the Rona hangover I was tired after half of it.

  

  

  7. I have been spending less time on social media lately. No matter how hard I try I find myself feeling worse after I spend time on any social media platform (except this one.) I deactivated my FaceBook account many months ago, but Instagram has always had its claws in me. I go on once every few weeks, but I don’t want to spend too much time watching other people live their lives, I want to live my own.

  8. Less time online gives me more time in the present feeling thankful. I am thankful for my body/immune system and its ability to fight off gross viruses (I attribute this to my lifestyle, and while I often get annoyed by my autoimmune disease, without it I wouldn’t be so strict with my diet), I am thankful for my cat – he was the best company while I was in quarantine, I am thankful for my family, and I am thankful for my boyfriend.

  Duncan and I grew closer the last month despite the fact we had to spend multiple weeks apart.

  

  9. My purpose with posts like this are to highlight the reality of life. I love sharing my adventures, but I haven’t had many lately, and sometimes life is heavy. I think it’s important to share everything so that we can all remember we are not alone. Life feels like a Groundhog Day right now, and I know I am not alone in this.

  10. Despite everything I have mentioned in this post, I know I am right where I am meant to be. My only goal for this year is to continue fighting the fear I have regarding the world. I sometimes don’t even know who I am anymore. I went from the girl who hiked mountains solo, traveled to places like Italy, Slovenia, and Poland alone, moved multiple times impulsively…to the girl who is at times fearful going for a run out her front door.

  I am hoping some soul searching will help me find my bravery again. Either way I am learning, and either way I am growing.

  

  Q: What’s your confession?

  

  | 25 Comments Tagged Early Morning Confessions, Life, Mental Health, Running

• Speaking Of

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on December 13, 2021

  I debated turning this into another Early Morning Confessions post, but I settled on a “proper” post that will likely still be a bit sporadic. A few things have happened in my world since we last spoke, nothing crazy, but a few fun things I wanted to share with the three people who visit my blog (my grandpa, my dad, and my boyfriend.)

  Speaking of my boyfriend, this cute mountain man turned another year older last month.

  

  

  I was a hot mess in my kitchen trying to bake with butter for what felt like the first time. At the height of my baking days I was plant based, so butter did not cross my lips. These days, I am still dairy free (except for those blue moon splurges when I eat the three day old pizza in my fridge on the first day of my period), so I still do not bake with butter.

  I found it surprisingly difficult to bake this cake, but after what felt like an entire afternoon the masterpiece was complete. Special shoutout to my mom and my cat for helping me. My mom with the KitchenAid, and my cat with emotional support. 32 going on 12 for me.

  Speaking of going on 12, I have grown exceptionally fearful of the world around me. No amount of protection is too much these days.

  

  I introduce to you my new running friend. I first discovered Go Guarded on Instagram, and I knew I had to have one of these mace/knife combos. I am extra alert these days while I run outside, but this tool helps me to feel a wee bit safer. Except for the constant fear of tripping and severing important arteries, but I’m more inclined to explore alone with this device.

  Speaking of exploring, I went bird watching for the first time in my life recently.

  

  Duncan and I went for a wetland walk, and he brought his binoculars with the hopes of seeing some birds. Birds we saw, but the highlight of this walk was a rogue seal who found his way to the inlands for some rest and relaxation. A pleasant surprise on this afternoon of adventure.

  Speaking of adventure, I went for my first snow hike of the season last week.

  

  Before 1/3 of my readers get upset (I’m looking at you dad), I did not go solo on this adventure in the snow. There were five of us who braved the lower temps with the hopes of awe and wonder. I will say, I was not expecting THIS much snow when I prepared for the hike, but thankfully a good base layer and an 850 down jacket kept me mostly warm.

  

  

  I only lost feeling in my digits a few times, thanks to my good friend Raynaud’s. We hiked for around four and a half hours, and managed just under 9 miles. I had hiked the trail to Annette Lake before, but never in the winter. I didn’t recognize a single part of this trail – could be because it’s been six years since I’ve hiked it, or could be because of the snow.

  Speaking of snow hikes, look at this gem photo I took of Duncan on my birthday back in February after a mass of snow fell on him.

  

  Little did we know two months after I snapped this photo we would be like school children in his car after a hike confessing we had weird bubbly feelings in our bellies for each other. Life is weird.

  That’s all for now.

  Q: What’re your holiday plans?

  

  | 38 Comments Tagged Baking, Hiking, Life

• Maiden Peak

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on October 4, 2021

  I recently went for a new to me hike, one I would have never done had it not been for the rugged safety of a vehicle belonging to someone else. I think back to some of the trails I hiked in the past and the roads I took to get there, and you couldn’t talk me into driving those roads again even if you told me a cupcake was waiting for me at the end.

  My Toyota sedan has done her job, and she has retired to calm terrain only these days.

  

  The destination was Maiden Peak, and the road to the Deer Park Campground where we started our hike isn’t the worst terrain, but the constant uphill on gravel roads without 4WD would give my tender little heart a bout of anxiety if in my car. I am thankful for friends who have more trail appropriate vehicles and are willing to carpool to these hikes.

  They have allowed me to see places I likely wouldn’t venture to alone.

  

  The benefit of driving up quite a ways is the payoff at the end of the hike, and we topped off at 6200ft. Starting at a higher elevation meant this hike started cold. We’re talking high 30’s cold. I was surprised by how cold it was when we started, and while I prefer hiking in cooler temps this was a bit of a shock to the system. The trail starts off with a walk downhill, which is always a sign some brutal Scheisse is about to come. What goes down, must go up.

  Right as rain the trail had such a steep incline I thought my calves were going to spontaneously combust.

  The trail gains 2100ft of elevation, and at times it felt like 1000ft of this was all at once. Trails like this open up to expansive views that are indescribable, and while the struggle was real at times I very much enjoyed this hike. It wasn’t all an uphill battle though, we evened out a handful of times for a reprieve, much like my mood after I come down from the sudden cortisol spike after too much coffee.

  

  

  We sat at our chosen destination of Maiden Peak for roughly ten minutes before the weather started to take a turn. The views of the surrounding mountains began to disappear as a thick fog rolled in. I enjoy when the weather is a combination of sun and clouds, it somehow feels like two different hikes. Alas, my bones grew cold once again and we packed our bags to begin our descent.

  

  I wasn’t cold for long as the trail began moving up and down like a wave, and the final push at the end (walking up the hill we initially went down) was enough to get my core temperature back up to baseline. We managed 8 miles of trail, 4 hours of conversation, and a full day of fun. These coworkers turned friends of mine are what keep me at my current job.

  That and the fact that I still don’t know what’s next.

  

  I’m a simple gal, with simple goals for my life. I want a roof over my head, good food in my belly, fun adventures here and there, and deep connections from select humans. I want to drink hot coffee atop mountains, cook nourishing meals while listening to Noah Kahan, read a book when it’s raining outside, soak in a hot tub under the stars with snow all around me, and ride my bike or walk through the woods with autumn leaves crunching under my tires or feet.

  I want to cuddle with my partner through the silence of the night, feel the low hum of my cats purr on my chest while resting on my favorite chair, sit in silence with my family while we each engage in our own activities, run on backcountry roads past cows and sheep with the smells of farmland wafting through my nostrils, cry until my temples ache, and laugh until my abs are sore.

  I want to live in each moment and to take each day as it comes, learning from others and learning from myself.

  

  My current job aligns with my current priorities in life, and in time those will both change. Life doesn’t have to be complicated, and I am at a point where I no longer feel the need to conform to a template built by anyone other than myself. Living an authentic life created exclusively by me – that is what I call success.

  Q: What are the ingredients for the successful soup of your life?

  

  | 13 Comments Tagged Hiking, Life, REI

• Kendall Katwalk Thoughts

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on September 27, 2021

  I seem to have developed a backwards case of writers block. Instead of having a lack of words to write, I am finding myself with so much to say I don’t know where to begin. So many thoughts, feelings, and emotions have been swirling inside my head lately, but the overwhelm of it all leaves me with a blank page and an overstimulated mind.

  This seems to be the norm for me, especially when in my luteal phase. I feel things stronger, I love things harder, and I overthink things longer. I have been challenged multiple times the last few months, but despite these challenges I know all of the times I am pushed to a zone of discomfort, I am pushed to a zone of growth.

  Human beings are unique, and we each have our own trials. As I continue to grow I continue to seek those who are willing to grow with me.

  

  

  I’ve been thinking a lot about all the people I have met throughout my life, and some of the adventures I have embarked on with these people. Some people I will never see again, and yet their presence in my life served a purpose I may never fully understand. We learn from people, and often times their personalities can serve as a type of mirror for us to see our own strengths and weaknesses.

  A normal part of life is spending time with those who are in close proximity to us. For me, I find I bond quickly with likeminded people I work with. I’ve been enjoying spending time with some of my coworkers, but I know eventually some of us will loose touch. Just like those I’ve lost touch with who I worked with prior.

  The natural ebb and flow of seasonal friendships can be painful, but there is always an open door for new relationships to be made.

  

  

  I’ve been hiking with a few pals I work with lately, and I am reminded why I chose to work at REI. I knew I needed to find some kind of community when I moved back to Washington, a community of people who share my common interests and hobbies. These moments in the mountains are therapeutic for me, and sometimes we share conversations that fuel my soul in a way that cannot be done by simply sitting in a coffee shop chatting.

  I once thought I preferred to be alone, but I’ve learned that it’s not as simple as a black and white equation. What I prefer is to be understood. To be heard, and to have others ask me how I’m doing from a place of genuine interest. To share my dreams and feelings from a place of true vulnerability. The older I get the stronger my desire to share the penetralia of my heart.

  These moments are rare, and the people with which I have these moments are hard to find. There are few feelings in life comparable to connecting with another person on a level where our scars live.

  

  

  The hike in this post is a hike I had done once before in 2014, and I couldn’t help but think about the last time I had hiked this. While I don’t remember much, it got me thinking about friends I hiked with in my early 20’s. 2014 was the beginning of discovering who I was, and hiking was a catalyst in this self discovery. So much time has passed, and I have morphed into an entirely new person.

  The beauty of life is that we are always evolving.

  On this recent hike my friends and I trekked 13 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail to the Kendall Katwalk. This day, along with many other days, will be etched into my memories as a positive moment amid times of chaos and convolution. The world is being torn in two right now and it’s messy and unsettling. I’m reminded in these times there are few things more important to me than my people.

  

  

  I think my hesitation in writing this post was a fear of getting “too deep.” I have a tendency to write from the depths of my heart, and while I regret none of those posts, I am trying to be mindful of what I put out into the world. This post is meant to be more of an appreciation post for human connection.

  I have learned to lean into my sensitive humanity, and I know only those who want the best for me will lean in too. Tell your friends how much you appreciate them, tell your partner how much you love them, tell your family (this doesn’t have to be a biological family) how thankful you are to have their support. Tell people their value, because you never know the impact your words may have on someone else.

  Q: Do you have an easy time being vulnerable with others?

  

  | 14 Comments Tagged Hiking, Kendall Katwalk, Life, PNW, Washington

• A Decade in the Making

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on April 22, 2021

  When I first started writing on this small space of the internet, my posts were sporadic and random. I would write about a great run I had, or an epic vegan meal I created, all sandwiched between cat stories and my disdain for higher education. I was young, spunky, and had a carefree zest for life.

  I then fell in love with hiking, and started to learn more about the science of coffee. I became voracious in my studies of blends, pairings, regions, and finding the right balance of flavors for those who “don’t drink black coffee.” I find those who don’t enjoy the taste of coffee typically haven’t been introduced to the right blend for them, like a fine wine.

  I really miss preparing/photographing/and consuming coffee tastings…

  

  Eventually my carefree posts turned more introspective while I navigated life after being diagnosed with a chronic illness. Everything as I knew it began to change, and my posts followed suit. Instead of stepping away from this space when I no longer ate a vegan diet, no longer ran consistently, and had to avoid drinking coffee (aka everything I blogged about), I dove deeper into myself to pull out the nitty gritty thoughts most people don’t want to acknowledge.

  I have spent the last ten years learning about myself, and sharing my journey with whoever chooses to read.

  I have met a handful of lifelong friends through this space, something I would have never imagined possible. I have seen new parts of my home country visiting these friends, I communicate with them more than people I met throughout my childhood, and I continue to meet new people as I continue to write. This has quite literally become a small community for me, and I genuinely adore each and every comment or email I get from those who read what I have to say.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  I am a simple gal, and I don’t need much out of life. One of the quickest ways for me to feel seen, heard, and understood is for someone to read my words, or listen to my thoughts with a genuine interest. My love languages are words of affirmation, and quality time. For sometime to take the time to read what I have to say, and then engage with me brings such a deep sense of joy and purpose to my day.

  To have a space where I can share my heart in such a raw, and vulnerable way is something I never knew I would need.

  I wasn’t prepared for how therapeutic it would be to write here. I started this blog because I wanted to get free stuff. I wanted to review fun new foods and products, and that’s exactly what I did. Free stuff came my way, until eventually I had companies reaching out to me instead of the other way around. These days I am much less active here, I pop on when I want to word vomit somewhere other than my personal journal, with the hopes of connecting with someone else near or far away.

  There is comfort in community.

  I was 22 when I started this blog, and the amount of life I have lived the last decade feels oddly like a faint dream. I fell in love, had my heart broken, ran six half marathons, switched paths countless times, graduated college, moved to Europe, obsessed over healing my body, worked through an eating disorder, lost my way, and conquered many literal, physical, and mental mountains.

  

  I have fallen, gotten back up, and fallen again. Over, and over, and over…I thank each and every one of you who has come to this space to follow along on this wild journey of life.

  I didn’t anticipate I would be here ten years later, and I don’t know how long I will continue writing on this space. For now I enjoy it, so for now I write. I’ll leave you all with this gift – a link to my very first blog post from April 2011. A young, awkward, excited human unaware of what the next ten years would hold for her.

  I still make that face, I just have a lot less hair now.

  

  | 51 Comments Tagged Bloggers, Life

• Just Go With the Flow

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on April 12, 2021

  This post will be focusing on female hormones, if that ain’t your cup of tea check back next week.

  Those who have been following my blog for a while know I had a long, frustrating run with Hypothalamic Amenorrhea. When I was deep in the struggles of this issue I spent hours online looking for articles to help guide me, as well as articles to help bring me comfort knowing I was not alone. I’ve shared parts of this story before, so I will spare you the reiterations, but in layman’s terms I lost my period for nearly six years.

  My journey to “recovery” was a long one, but after endless research and self advocacy I discovered the “why” behind my missing cycle. I was exercising too much, eating too little, and putting myself through too much stress. A triple cocktail towards chaos. It wasn’t until I finally committed to eating more and moving less, becoming my version of the Michelin Man, that my cycle returned.

  Admittedly gaining a lot of weight was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but it was imperative for my success in getting my cycle back.

  

  Badda boom, badda bing – I’m back in business and have had regular cycles for over a year now. Things must be smooth as butter right? I wish I could say yes, but the answer up until a few months ago was a firm no. While I was stoked I no longer had to worry about osteoporosis in middle age (a potential outcome for long term amenorrhea sufferers), I now had the pleasure of lugging around unbelievably debilitating PMS symptoms each and every month.

  I had never struggled with PMS in my youth, I’d get a cramp here or there, but the mood swings, the swelling, the pain, the fatigue, THE MOOD SWINGS…these were all new. I could have blamed this on getting older, but I knew it was more than that. I knew my cattywampus hormones over the last decade needed some help getting back in balance, so I did what anyone who avoids pharmaceuticals does. I scoured the internet for natural solutions to an unnatural problem.

  What I discovered was nothing short of life changing, and I don’t say that lightly.

  

  I want to note I think there is a time and place for pharmaceuticals, and some cases of mental health related struggles are dire enough for this type of intervention, but I personally seek natural sources first.

  While searching for natural ways to get my mood swings under control I stumbled upon Happy Healthy Hippie. I alluded to my success with their Go With The Flow blend in a previous post, but I am so incredibly passionate about this product I had to share more about it. I’m honored to work with HHH in bringing light to this product, because I feel like I have my life back after starting these. I know there are so many other women out there who feel hopeless with regard to their hormones.

  I am here to tell you it does not have to be that way.

  I started taking this herbal blend in January and gave myself a full month before making any judgements. I was immediately convinced when day one of my luteal phase came around in February, aka hell week, and I felt no significant changes in my mood. Not only is my mood more stable during my luteal phases, but my overall disposition throughout the last few months has been much lighter. Granted, there are other factors contributing to my mood boost, but the main kick in the butt has been these herbs.

  

  

  I truly thought my dark mind moments were how life was going to be for me. I was buckling up to accept and embrace the week from hell each month, but I am so thankful I discovered this product. I was initially wary, but figured I had nothing to loose. This is just a blend of natural herbs, what was the worst that could happen? The reviews I read online were all the convincing I needed to try this for myself. Women who were suffering from PMDD symptoms, menopause, and women like me who needed help finding balance.

  The proof is in the pudding (me, I am the pudding). I am a customer for life with this brand.

  

  Happy Healthy Hippie offers a wide range of products, and while I have only personally tried Go With The Flow, I am equally intrigued by Be Grounded, a fast-acting relief from stress and anxiety. If this works as well as Go With The Flow, I imagine those who suffer from intrusive, anxiety ridden thoughts might find great relief from this product.

  If you are like me and want a more natural approach to some of the challenges our fast paced lives throw our way, I highly encourage you to check out Happy Healthy Hippie products.

  After all, what do you have to loose other than residual stress and overwhelm?

  

  | 25 Comments Tagged Balance, Happy Healthy Hippie, Hormones, Life, Sponsored

• Seasons

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on March 24, 2021

  Have you ever noticed how beautiful the world becomes when a new season begins? It’s as if somehow the earth knew us humans were beginning to get complacent, or unmotivated by a certain time of the year. With the flip of a switch a new scent in the air, or the rise and fall in temperatures brings forth a new perspective.

  I’ve spent all of my years living in places with four seasons, and I cannot imagine living somewhere without them.

  My favorite season is fall, I love everything about a crisp October morning with frost on the grass and sun in the sky. A cool spring breeze follows close second, and summer makes me want to fall in love. Winter on the other hand is the season I find most difficult. Winter is cold, dark, gloomy, and often brings in waves of the SAD’s.

  This winter however, I found myself in surprisingly high spirits. 

  

  Winter hikes.

  Perhaps it was due to the fact I spent more time outdoors than I typically do in the winter months, perhaps it was because I spent more time with other humans, or perhaps it was because just as the seasons of weather change, so too do the seasons of life. I am at the tail end of one season, paving my way into a new one, and this season of life feels slightly more optimistic than the last.

  I became quite good at isolating myself over the last handful of years, a natural response to emotional upheavals. It took me years to notice my behavior, and while I still find great value in spending time alone, I began to feel the pull towards human connections earlier last year. My goal upon returning to America was to put this pull into play by pushing myself to be more social.

  

  Trail rides with fellow bike enthusiasts.

  As an introvert spending time alone is essential, especially with a job like mine where I am constantly engaging (superficially) with others. In contrast, as a human it is also essential to spend time with others – time of connection through shared interests, deep conversations, belly laughter, and daydreams. I’m not good at expressing my “need” for other people, but as I get older I get better at expressing these needs.

  Without the season of winter (or whatever season you enjoy the least), it would be hard to fully value the seasons I love so dearly. Change brings forth growth – growth of life on earth, and growth of life within ourselves. Walking through the more uncomfortable seasons allows for a deeper appreciation of the more uplifting ones. Literally and figuratively.

  The painfully cold hikes covered in snow, albeit beautiful, help me cherish the warmth of spring hiking.

  

  

  As I move into a new earthly season as well as a new life season I have one quote hanging around the forefront of my brain helping me to progress forward: “one day at a time.” It can be so easy for me to fall into the comparison trap of where I “should be” in my life, but really there is no right or wrong place to be. Each job, each relationship, and each experience helps mold us for the next season of life.

  In order to take full advantage of these lessons we must embrace each season we are in. 

  I have high hopes for the spring and summer months to come. I see grand adventures, deeper friendships, newfound knowledge, and further personal edification. I hope to be a source of encouragement for those who are stuck in a stormy season of life. There will always be an end to the storm, as long as we continue walking through it.

  

  Q: What’s your favorite season? 

  

  | 25 Comments Tagged Hiking, Life, Spring

• Things I’m Loving Lately

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on March 8, 2021

  Despite the fact I do not follow a Catholic faith, I decided to partake in Lent this year. I was raised Catholic, but I have moved towards more of a relaxed Christian faith that I am happy with. Still, I have participated in Lenten fasts in the past, but this year was different. This year I genuinely wanted to give up something to challenge myself on more of a mental and spiritual level, rather than a physical one.

  This year, I have given up social media.

  My blog has never been a space where I can escape from reality, so my presence here is “allowed” and encouraged. Instead I have given up Instagram and Facebook, one of which I can easily get lost on for hours looking at photos from strangers I will never meet. Initially I thought this would be difficult. I thought my addiction to the mindless escape of scrolling on Instagram would be a painful missing piece of my mental distraction repitour, but what I have found has been the complete opposite.

  Rather than curling up in a corner scratching at my face for the next fix, I am more present on here. I am more present with myself, I am writing more, and I feel calmer. My eating habits have been more balanced, my mood has been stable, and my sleep has been better. I’ve spent more time reflecting on deep thoughts as well as superficial “fun” thoughts.

  Thoughts that have inspired this post. Thoughts of random things I am enjoying lately. Let’s dive in, shall we?

  

  • I am enjoying wearing a Garmin watch without the obsession.

  I will forever have a soul tie to my OG Garmin Forerunner 110, but he is no longer with us. I bought that watch in 2011, and we made it through many, many runs together. What I loved most about the 110 was the fact that it didn’t have any bells and whistles. No calorie counts, no step counts, no heart rate counts, it was just a watch that turned into a GPS when you asked it to.

  I have avoided a new Garmin because of the bells and whistles. As someone who struggled with an exercise addiction and disordered eating it can be hard to separate from that extra data. If the day of movement wasn’t perfect it was bad news. So I stopped wearing anything, I stopped tracking movement, and I did the unthinkable – I intentionally gained weight and spent many days inactive. I truly believe this temporary hiatus helped me to have a more balanced approach to exercise.

  I now use a Forerunner 45, one of the more basic watches with just the right amount of bells and whistles. RIP to Gary my Forerunner 110 shown below.

  

  • I am enjoying new work skillz.

  I finally know how to change my own bike tire/tube. I’ll never forget the time I got a flat tire years ago. It was my rear tire aka the “entering Mordor tire” with regard to taking it on and off. I was successful in getting the tire off, took it into REI to fix, and everything was going great. Until I couldn’t get the tire back on.

  I accepted my failures and asked one of my neighbors for his help, a neighbor I had never spoken to in my life. I knew he rode bikes so I figured it was worth it to ask. He was most helpful, and as a thank you I baked him (and his family) cookies and gave them a pound of coffee (back when free coffee was up to my neck.) I left it on their porch and never heard anything.

  I hope his wife didn’t think I was hitting on him. Awkward.

  

  • I am enjoying spending money.

  Hear me out on this one…I am one of the most frugal people you will ever virtually meet. I hoard my money like I am preparing for some kind of apocalypse, and it’s honestly a bit ridiculous at times. I rarely if ever buy myself something, and it takes me a long time to justify a purchase unless I “need” it. Although “need” is such a relative term.

  I refuse to fall prey to consumerism, but I have been spending more money on myself lately. Buying nicer hiking gear, buying an extra pair of shoes, the aforementioned Garmin, etc.

  I will never forget something a small southern man I used to work with in Germany told me. We were talking about my frugality one day, and I was telling him about all the ways I tried to cut costs while traveling (like using a hostel pillowcase for a towel, perks of short hair), and he looked at me and said: “you cannot take your money to the grave.”

  Ever since then I’ve been more mindful about letting myself live a little. I can’t take it to the grave.

  

  • I am enjoying my obsession with “Happy Healthy Hippie – Go With The Flow Hormone Balance.“

  If you have been around these parts for a while, you will know I have a bit of a “crunchy granola” approach to most things in my life. I avoid pharmaceuticals, I rarely wash my hair, I spent an entire summer without wearing deodorant, I try to eat mostly whole foods, and shaving my legs is an afterthought to…everything.

  When my menstrual cycle returned after being gone for five years, I knew something was still off. My hormones were ALL OVER the place. Being the professional obsessor that I am, I spent far too much time on the Google trying to find out what was going on, until one day I decided I had to do something because my PMS symptoms were taking over my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but I am completely serious.

  No this post is not sponsored, however it SHOULD be. This blend is literally just a mix of herbs so I knew I had nothing to loose. And let me tell you…I have lost nothing and GAINED some of my sanity back.

  

  • I am enjoying winter hiking.

  I never imagined I would be someone who enjoyed hiking in the winter months. As someone who struggles with Raynaud’s I tend to avoid being outside in cold temps for long periods of time. Not only have I enjoyed winter hiking, my extremities have not fallen off like I anticipated they would.

  

  

  My hiking pals and I took a trip to the Hoh Rainforest last week, a place I hadn’t visited since I was 17. The last time I took a trip to the Hoh was for a team building weekend with my dad and a group of others who were all planning a trip to Mexico for a mission trip. All I remember from 17 year old Brittany’s experience was hating the five mile hike to our camp site, hundreds of thousands of black slugs, and being stuck with people I didn’t mesh with.

  Ultimately the mission trip was amazing, and it was all worth while.

  

  Now that I am an adult, and I enjoy hiking, five miles in (and five miles out) is no big thing. We hiked (or rather walked, this area is very flat) to “Five Mile Island” where we enjoyed some snacks and views before heading back. Lush green trees, mossy rocks, waterfalls, ferns large enough to engulf an elk, and rivers rushing loud enough to lull any white noise lover to sleep.

  Worth the three hour drive, five hour walk, and three hour drive back.

  

  Life without social media feels good. I am reading more, I am listening to amazing music, I am daydreaming about people and places and adventures to come. When Lent comes to an end I plan to be more intentional with my time spent online. Life feels good right now, and I am enjoying this whole “one day at a time thing.”

  After all, today is all we have.

  Q: Have you ever taken a significant break from social media?

  

  | 43 Comments Tagged Biking, Garmin, Hiking, Hormones, Lent, Life, PNW

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