1. I have a lot of random things to write, and what better way than an Early Morning Confessions post. For starters, just before Duncan and I took our vacation we celebrated my childs 15th birthday. We bought party hats, I gave him a pâté of prescription food (which he no longer eats) sprinkled with fish flakes, we bought gifts, and we sang to him.
I was certain the gift I bought him would be a hit (pink ball with green fuzzy worm), while the gift Duncan bought would be a dud (a catnip stuffed cigar because he is an old man now, as Duncan said.) Come to find out he was terrified of my gift (the bouncy ball sent him running) and obsessed with Duncans. Go figure.
2. That tiny black ball of fur is my best pal. He brings me so much joy and I am certain he is my soul cat. I’m not sure we get more than one soul pet in our lives, and I have never felt a bond with an animal the way I do with him. Shortly after returning from vacation he had a week long spell of vomiting, and was eating less than normal. He was due for a senior check up so I took him in.
After three days in a row of testing and specialists he was diagnosed with IBD, pancreatitis and he was incredibly constipated. He was put on steroids to help with inflammation and I completely overhauled his diet. Changing his food was nerve wracking because although I was certain his food was contributing to the problem (prescription urinary food filled with gargbage), I was worried he would get another urinary blockage (he had one in 2018 that almost killed him.)
It’s been two months of daily steroids (we are currently on the taper), trying multiple types of food, and absolute exhaustion and stress for me. The vomiting has stopped, and I found a probiotic that has helped his poops, but I still have daily anxiety. I’m struggling to let go of the obsessive control to heal him. I am doing everything I can to ensure he is ok for the rest of his life.
He may have turned 15 recently, but I expect at least 2-3 more years with him.
3. Back in May, the weekend before the journey with Little (my cat) began, I went for a hike with three gal pals I met in Germany. Galiya, a friend who I became close with at a time when I needed friendship was coming to visit her pal Sarah in Bend, OR. I knew Sarah, but we didn’t spend any time together. Galiya, Sarah, and I met up with Paige, a friend who I worked with and greatly enjoyed who now lives in Portland.
We hiked Dog Mountain, a trail I had been wanting to hike for a while. This was such a beautiful day of reunion and I would give anything for close friends to live nearby.
4. My car is from 2007 and had the most ugly, disgustingly clouded headlights for years. I didn’t care much, but at a recent oil change (I go to the Toyota dealership), I was asked if I wanted my headlights restored FOR OVER $150!!! Absolutely not. I decided to try it myself and used this Rain-X product for $20.
I was chuffed with the results, and 10/10 would use again.
5. The summer is here in full force, but I haven’t done many fun activities. Between selling my soul to corporate America and spending time with Little, I haven’t had much space for anything else. I have had a few walk/hikes I have enjoyed, gone for plenty of runs, and a few noteworthy bike rides, but I am longing for a weekend getaway.
I don’t see many getaways in my future for quite some time, but I would give up all the vacations in my life to spend more time with my fur babe.
6. This song has made it onto my liked songs on Spotify, and I listen to it often. I first heard it on Instagram, then I found it on YouTube, and I try to show everyone I can. I showed my mom last week and we both cried we were laughing so hard.
7. Have I talked about Little too much in this post? I think that’s impossible, so here is another fun fact. Due to his recent IBD diagnosis I have stopped letting him in the backyard. He eats too much grass which results in vomiting and irritation. Backyard adventures were his favorite, and in an attempt to keep him stimulated/avoid boredom and depression I have found a new adventure.
We now go on car rides.
I experimented a bit ago by putting him in my car sans carrier, and driving slowly around the block. I wanted to ensure he would be chill, and once I saw how he behaved we moved to longer and further rides. I do not take him on the freeway/highway like this, but slower back roads have become a joy for us both. He LOVES these rides.
We even went to Duncans for a few hours one day, which he enjoyed until he didn’t anymore.
8. Consumerism is driving me mad. I have always struggled with the idea of having too many “things”, but it wasn’t until I worked in a retail setting that I saw the effects of: “more, more, more.” Sure, I like buying things that I will use, and I have been known to buy things I likely don’t need, but on such an elevated scale where people around me treat buying and selling “stuff” like it’s life or death – I just can’t.
9. I don’t normally like water activities. I’m more of a land gal, but in an attempt to push outside of my comfort zone I went kayaking with one of my coworker/friends recently. I rented an ORU Kayak (these fold up/down for easier transportation and storage), and accompanied her to a nearby lake for an evening paddle.
The kayak was a pain in the ass to set up, not all of them are as intricate as the one I used, but once it was ready to glide I loved it.
10. I am feeling quite lonely these days. No matter where I am in my life I struggle to find people who “get me.” Most of the people I am surrounded by are surface level friendships, or acquaintances. It’s rare for me to find someone I connect with deeply, and this leads to me feeling like the odd man out around most people.
Some seasons of life I have more connections than others, but people move/life changes, and when I start feeling like this I allow myself to feel the heaviness that comes with a lack of community. A reminder to continue fostering my deeper friendships from afar. As with all things in life it’s an ebb and flow, and the times of loneliness make the deeper connections all the more special.
Q: What’s your confession?
30 thoughts on “Early Morning Confessions”
Rootchopper
Ah consumerism! Not a month goes by that someone tells me “You should buy a new bike.” I have four! They suit me fine.
Besides, if I bought another bike I’d have to build a garage. A tad pricey, no?
Brittany
OH NO! I am guilty of having too many bikes. My first bike was purchased to ride in Washington. End of story there. Then when I moved to Germany I bought another, and I grew an emotional attachment to that bike and mailed her to Washington. In hindsight I could have/should have left her behind in Germany, but I just loved her. I then bought ANOTHER bike for gravel riding. That makes three bikes. They are all different (road, mountain, gravel), but I admit it’s two too many.
I admire you keeping the Mule specifically and not replacing it, although I know you have more than just the Mule so perhaps my three bikes isn’t all that bad. 🤣
Pam
Ah……consumerism, what I can tell You is that in Your lifetime so far by being a minimalist You’ve avoided the excess spending on stuff and not fallen into the huge waste of funds debt trap. 1/3 of Your life safe….now You are in second third of life and it’s time to value that which gives You Joy…..travel, creature comforts and things that enrich Your life, time to give Yourself permission to Enjoy!
Being in my Seventh decade , grateful, hopeful and blessed ….hoping that there are one or two more to go, I find it’s a good thing to say Yes. Go see, smell, touch, feel the world and all she offers…..time starts moving faster with each year that passes, maybe that’s why one lifetime just isn’t enough. ❤️
Brittany
You said it perfectly. I demand you give me no less than two more decades, we have more of the world to see together.
Liz H-H
Rub that fuzzy green worm in catnip & your sweet baby will lose his fear and be all over it!
Brittany
Great idea! 🤣
Amber
That song was so fun and good! 😀 I also like adding humorous songs to my regular playlists. They add unexpected pops of lightheartedness! ^_^
Brittany
RIGHT!? I’m so glad at least one person who read this listened to the song and enjoyed it. It’s so catchy to me, with a hint of sadness and I feel every emotion. Lolol.
Atheria
First off, Chakra (who turned 16 in mid July) and Bleu (11) wish Little a belated happy birthday and that he live a long life! I’m feeling a bit guilty about not throwing Chakra a party now! I totally understand feeling alone. Well, I actually AM alone and have very few friends now. Once, while walking around Hollywood, I suddenly realized, “I don’t belong here. I’m not like these people.” I think it’s due, in part, to my ET ancestry. Really. I’m a visitor. I understand how you feel.
Brittany
Thank you from your sweet kitties! It’s never too late to give your babes a party hahaha. But honestly I’m just extra and do weird stuff with my cats.
I know what you mean about LA, I don’t like the city in general, but feel soooo out of place there.
Atheria
Your blog is actually making me think about taking Bleu in to be checked out. At 11, he’s never had a physical. He’s been the only kitty I’ve had who has been HEALTHY. But, he’s been vomiting more often and I think he’s losing weight. Chakra has always been a barfer.
Brittany
Ohhh take him in!!! Vomiting isn’t actually normal for kitties. Here and there maybe, and if there are lots of hairballs ok, but just vomiting more often is a concern. Better to catch any issues early to prevent them from getting worse.
niall
#10 I totally get. I have lots of acquaintances but few friends. I often wonder if it something missing in me. My wife is the same so it’s a good thing we have each other. I still worry that I’m socially broken in some way though….
Brittany
I don’t think we are socially broken. I think maybe we just need something different than surface level conversations. I’m not afraid to be vulnerable, but it’s hard to find people who are comfortable telling their story in authentic ways.
I also have a different mindset about most “traditional” things in life. Maybe that makes it harder for me to bond with people. I care less about what society had deemed important and care more about finding a balance in life. Simplicity is what I seek in friendships, it shouldn’t feel like work. At the end of the day it’s usually a gut feeling for me, I either do or do not mesh with someone’s energy. And that’s ok either way!
I’m glad you have your wife, that’s huge to have a partner who can understand the feeling. I stand with you both!
MarketGardenReader/IntegratedExpat
Love the singing cat and the fact you take your kitty for car rides. Our black cat Midnight miaows non-stop in the car if we take him to the vet. We’ve had him for 13 years now and they said he was already 8 when we got him, but they surely must have made a mistake.
Brittany
Oh my goodness! I know kitties can live into their 20’s, but I think they likely made a mistake on his age when you got him! I hope he is still doing well, and somehow my cat doesn’t meow in the car. But once we walk through the doors of the vet he screams. Literally screams.
MarketGardenReader/IntegratedExpat
Ah, poor thing! Midnight just carries on mewing pitifully. He also makes a good effort at yowling af the top of his voice when my husband’s in an online meeting, or when he’s not sure if there’s anyone about. He’s deaf as a doorpost and sleeps a lot, but if the mood takes him, he gallops down the garden like a racehorse. Cats, eh 😺
Brittany
I love envisioning him galloping through the garden. What a sweet boy. Snuggle him as much as you can!
Amy
It feels as if you were reading my mind… Or at least my feelings. My dog is turning 15 next month, and this summer has been laced with anxiety and guilt. She still seems to be healthy and happy, just slower and sleeping more than normal, but it’s still hard to face the fact that the end is closer than the beginning. I almost started to cry while thinking about that last night before I turned out the light, but when I went to pet her… She showed her teeth and nearly started growling because I interrupted her precious beauty sleep. 😂 So much for a sweet and special moment!
So glad you got to go hiking with your friends from Germany! That sounds like such a great experience. ❤️ I love how you’re taking your sweet cat for car rides too. That’s brilliant!!
Brittany
Oh my goodness! 15 is quite old for a pup, I am happy to hear she is doing well overall. I know the feeling of the end being closer than the beginning, I cannot tell you how many times I have cried just holding or petting my babe. What can I say, I am just a sensitive sap!
Amy
Major sensitive sap over here too! My go-to line is “I have overactive tear ducts…” 😉 I can cry over just about anything — but especially the sentimental stuff!
Brittany
I love that line, I’ll have to use that. My tear ducts are very overactive!
Pree
Love how your bond with Little is so strong!! My foster dog got adopted a few weeks ago and I loved my time with her, but I don’t think she was my “soul pet”. If she was, i think i would not have hesitated to adopt her lol! But she’s living her best life on a ranch now with an aussie shepherd her age so I think it’s all good 😂
Brittany
Yay!! I’m so happy she was adopted. I think fostering is such a great thing to do, I would absolutely do it if I didn’t share my space. I think that’s in my future. For cats of course bahaha. But also a dog could be fun!
gpavants
Brittney,
Lots of great memories for sure. Have a great weekend.
Gary
Brittany
Thank you!
gpavants
Sure.
Ann
Love your kitty. We have a 20 plus year old kitty who just made a road trip from Massachusetts to Tennessee and back. She loves to ride.
Brittany
Amazing!!! Latest update with my boy is good, he’s doing much better! I hope to keep taking him on car rides for years to come.
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