Author Archives: Brittany

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on December 29, 2020

  1. I have been struggling to write here for two months. Not because I don’t want to write, but rather everything I want to say feels a bit…heavy. I have instead been spewing these thoughts into my journal and avoiding this space. An Early Morning Confessions post feels an appropriate way to ease back into writing here, while sharing a bit of what’s been going on in my world.

  Buckle up, we’re diving deep today. 

  2. My anxiety lately has been through the roof. I have become quite good at accepting my emotions for what they are instead of trying to “fix” them, but right now I feel like I’m drowning. I am a firm believer that depression and anxiety are simply a way for our body to physically tell us something is out of alignment. I know moving back to my hometown is a large part of this anxiety, but for now I feel the need to sit with it.

  

  How I feel on the inside most days.

  3. It has taken me years, and I mean YEARS to get to a place in my life where exercise is no longer a punishment for something I have eaten. I am not perfect in this, and I still have moments of “relapse” with the unhealthy way of thinking, but I have finally begun a morning routine that is almost strictly to manage my anxiety. It’s a wonderful place to be. I have been jogging, and after years of avoiding this activity because of my autoimmune disease it feels good.

  Slow and steady.

  4. I am thankful for my job, and I work for an incredible company, but I grapple with my mind almost everyday before work. I am in an entirely new to me field, and the lack of intuitive knowledge I have makes me extremely uncomfortable. My perfectionism continues to literally kill me. Somehow over the years my ability to work with people has diminished. You would never know if you were to work with me, I am great at wearing a mask, but I long for a job that allows me to work more behind the scenes. Give me a task, and set me free to work on it…alone. 

  All that said, this job is quite literally keeping me emotionally afloat. Without it I would have zero social interactions, and while I am an EXTREME introvert, human contact is an essential part of life. So I accept the struggle because the consequence of not challenging myself in this new field is far more dangerous than the physical stress I get from any perfectionistic anxiety. 

  

  5. I have been back in Washington for three months, and I miss Germany every single day. The hardest part is that my life in Germany feels like a distant memory, like a foggy dream. I often feel like it never really happened. I didn’t expect to come “home” and talk about this experience 24/7, but I did expect to talk about it. I have talked very little about my life the last two years, and this has left a gaping hole in my soul. The worst part is that even if I were to talk about it, only someone who has experienced a similar cultural shift would truly understand. 

  I have never felt so disconnected and misunderstood as I do right now.

  6. I haven’t ridden my bike since October 20th. A combination of weather and the lack of places to ride near by have given me little to no motivation. I would give anything for one more day on those Bavarian bike paths…

  

  7. In January of 2014 I lost my menstrual cycle. It took me five years of obsessive reading, experimenting, and self discovery to finally put in the work and restore this problem. In December of 2019, after committing to eating more and gaining (a lot) of weight, my cycle returned. This month marks one FULL YEAR of healthy, clockwork consistent cycles. It hasn’t been easy, and my hormones have been WILD, but this process is showing me just how resilient I am.

  Sometimes we have to go against everything we know in order to get what we want. 

  8. With the aforementioned fact, I have become OBSESSED with researching a woman’s hormone cycle. This has been incredibly helpful for me in giving myself extra grace during certain phases of my cycle. Hormones are NO JOKE, and I feel wildly in control of my body when I am able to alter my lifestyle depending on where my hormones are throughout the month. I also know that when I am in my luteal phase, aka the week before my period starts, that I am a wreck of a human. If I wasn’t aware of the normalcy of this (happens every single month), I would be frightened by how large of a shift I feel in…everything. 

  

  9. One of the main reasons I decided to stay with my family for a bit was to finally take the time to be still. I needed to allow residual trauma to work its way though my body, find a therapist to have consistent conversations with, and discover what I truly want in my life. I do believe a lot of my anxiety and depression is stemming from this trauma moving around, but I haven’t been diligent in finding a therapist. While this is still an important part of my journey, sitting with the discomfort alone is also necessary. 

  First comes pain, then comes triumph.

  10. Despite everything I have shared in this post, I am doing ok. I am blessed with an amazing family, I have a cat best friend who is glued to my hip, and I have faith that I will continue to walk through this season of life with my head held high. To feel pain is to be human, and running from these emotions only prolongs the healing process. I know a lot of us are struggling more than usual right now with all the chaos of the world, but I hope you find comfort in knowing you’re not alone.

  

  

  My dear sweet mother filled this advent calendar for me to open every day this month. It was so wonderful.

  Q: What’s your confession?

  

  | 29 Comments Tagged Early Morning Confessions, Life, Little, Washington

• One Month in America

  Posted at 7:10 AM by Brittany, on October 29, 2020

  I have been back in America for a little over a month now, and to say the transition was smooth like butter would be false. Physically my flight home was uneventful, I managed to weasel my way back into my home country unscathed during this chaotic pandemic, but emotionally I am not feeling whole.

  I left Germany a week earlier than planned due to an outbreak of Coronavirus at the hotel I was working. 20+ staff members tested positive, and after receiving a negative result I felt the need to get out. I have never been so thankful to be a recluse. (The spread occurred during a night of partying among my irresponsible peers.)

  I managed one last long bike ride before I left, something I wouldn’t realize how badly I needed until after I returned home.

  

  The most stressful part about moving, aside from the emotional turmoil, was deconstructing, packaging, and shipping my bike. I had wanted to attempt taking the bike apart on my own, but when I couldn’t remove the pedals (the easiest part) I began to panic.

  I contemplated leaving the bike, I have a tendency to quit when I get overwhelmed.

  By the grace of God my housing manager came to my rescue and not only helped me take it apart (he had to call for backup with the pedals), but he helped me box it and then drove me to the post office. In typical Brittany fashion I didn’t know how to handle this act of kindness.

  I continuously offered to pay him, and thanked him endlessly.

  

  There are many things I am not good at, and accepting help without some form of payment in return is one of them. I feel like a bother when someone goes out of their way to help me, and this was a good test for me to just accept the act of kindness.

  With the bike boxed and shipped I was able to enjoy my final day in Bavaria.

  

  

  I wish I could say leaving Garmisch was easy. I wish I could say coming home felt like walking into a warm hug, or drinking a cup of my favorite coffee, but it wasn’t and it didn’t. I am thankful and fortunate to be with my family right now, and I am so happy to see them, but my heart aches for a life in Bavaria.

  Leaving Germany was a hard decision. My job was not a good fit for me, the environment in which I was living was toxic, and being away from my family in the midst of the American chaos was hard. I knew deep down I needed to take a step back and reevaluate what was next for me.

  Now that I am back, the numbness that had slowly begun to develop within the last year has grown.

  

  I have been aware of the missing piece to my emotional puzzle for a while now, but I am still searching for it. I am taking each day as it comes and finding pockets of joy along the way. Biking was once my therapy, and this is what I miss the most about Bavaria. When my bike made it to America I nearly cried. Just like seeing an old friend.

  And to think I almost left her behind…

  

  Sadly the bike paths here are…well…non existent. I know there are some out there, but I am not finding anything comparable to Bavaria. I have accepted that biking here will be different, but my motivation to ride has been at an all time low. I currently live near endless roads filled with cars, something of a damper with regard to biking.

  Change is never easy, but we go through the motions nonetheless. I know how easy it is to fall into a slump, so I have been keeping myself busy in order to combat too much down time. All the while honoring my emotions – the good, the bad, and even the ugly.

  I have spent time with an old pal, a comfort comparable to biking. We walk, we talk, we hike, we do fall activities.

  

  

  

  I have spent time with family, we share meals, we do fall activities, we sit in silence with each other.

  

  

  I have spent time in the mountains, gone on walks with my sister, read books, and journaled my thoughts.

  

  

  I got a job, because despite the fact I had planned to just “be” for a minute upon my return, the American society will forever be embedded in my soul and I felt like a bum being back for a week without a job.

  These things keep me busy until I figure out what’s next. Or maybe this is what’s next. I don’t know. What I do know is the act of not knowing is normal. Accepting this is the first step to emotional freedom. I am here, I am well, I am blessed, and I am alive.

  

  I miss Germany everyday. Something about returning to my hometown always makes me feel a bit stagnant. It’s not that the town is terrible, I’ve just outgrown it. It’s not my town, but at this rate I don’t know if I really have “a town.” My town is wherever I happen to be at this moment in time.

  I will forever be thankful for my last six months in Germany. Without the shutdowns and restrictions I never would have biked as much as I did. I may be on a temporary biking break, but this will be a sport I carry with me for life. At the end of the day words cannot describe how happy I am to be away from the toxic work/living environment, and to be back with my cat.

  It’s not all sad news over here.

  Q: How are you holding up? I know we’re also still in a pandemic, which only adds to the emotional turmoil. We’re all in this together. 

  

  | 36 Comments Tagged Bavaria, Brittanys Life Abroad, Change, Fall

• Tre Cime di Lavaredo

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on September 30, 2020

  Three years ago I wrote a post about the time I visited the Cliffs of Moher, a place I had once seen in a photograph and immediately became enamored by. Today I am going to share another location I finally had the chance to see in real time after seeing a photograph many years prior. I don’t remember the first photo I saw of the Italian Dolomites, but I remember seeing the jagged rocks and lush green valleys knowing I had to visit.

  I’m sad to say I lived in southern Germany (THREE hours away from the Dolomites) for nearly two years, and it wasn’t until the very end of my time that I made the Dolomites a priority. I moved back to Washington two Fridays ago (a sudden decision to leave a week earlier than planned), but not before squeezing in a long awaited (and definitely not the last) trip to the Dolomites.

  

  

  My last day of work was 09 Sept, and my favorite travel pal MaryBeth and I rented a car on 11 Sept and set off for a weekend away in Italy. The Dolomites are huge, and I had no idea where to begin, so I chose one of the most popular trails for an introduction to the Dolomites. The Tre Cime di Lavaredo loop is walked by many, but for good reason.

  The ever-changing landscape truly showcases a little bit of everything. I am amazed by the beauty of these Italian Alps.

  MaryBeth and I chose a quaint hotel to stay at within a 30 minute drive to our hike of choice. We chose this hotel because of the free breakfast, which did not disappoint. Due to our friend Covid, breakfast wasn’t buffet style like the photos implied, but this was probably for the best. Too many chocolate croissants and I’d have to be rolled up the mountain, but boy is there something magical about Italian espresso and a chocolate croissant. We arrived on Friday early enough to settle in, and to prepare for our full day of exploring.

  

  Hotel Fiames

  

  Abandoned building across from our hotel.

  After our breakfast on Saturday we made our way to the trail head. The drive was about 30 minutes, and thanks to my prior research I was prepared for the 30 euro toll fee in order to drive the road to the trail. I assume this has to do with the popularity of the trail, but if you really don’t want to pay the fee you can park and walk (or take a bus.) I typically entertain the idea of walking, but I’m thankful we didn’t.

  This would have been a rough end to our hike.

  We began our trek around 0945, after a handful of minutes searching for the clockwise entrance to the trail head. I had read to follow the trail in the opposite direction than most because the views are better. I couldn’t find the trail, so we decided to walk the traditional route. After completing the loop I can agree the views would have been better going the opposite way, but at the end of the day the views are amazing regardless. I realized after we finished the hike that we had parked right next to the opposite end of the trail where I would have wanted to start. So close.

  

  

  The beginning of this trail starts flat, a casual walk along the base of the above pictured peaks. If you look closely you can see humans scattered along the trail, something we had to maneuver around the entirety of the hike. Usually when I hike on a trail that is covered with people I get irritated, but this trail is too beautiful to care. It’s unavoidable. After a short while we arrived at our first of many forks in the road, and our first of many mountain huts along the way. From here we continued on the trail, taking the quick, but steep route to our first vantage point.

  

  Impossible to tell from this photo, but there are humans climbing on those peaks in this photo!

  

  After our first wee climb, we stopped at the top of the hill to savor the views below. From here we could see our next destination, a hut off in the distance with a taste of home name. The Dolomites are so close to Germany, that everything in the area is in both Italian and German. Tre Cime is also known as Drei Zinnen, which both translate to three peaks. Our next destination on the loop was to the Drei Zinnen Hütte.

  

  Small hut in the upper right corner.

  As we began approaching the hut, we heard a man speaking over a loud speaker. MaryBeth heard the man say something about a man from France, and first place, from which we deduced there was a mountain race going on! I absolutely love watching people run, and the predominant demographic of these mountain runners were over the age of 50, and a lot of them were women. To say I was inspired is an understatement.

  We sat to watch the runners, and soaked up the infectious energy near the hut for a bit, all the while we savored the stunning view of the surrounding alpine lakes. 

  

  

  Upon arrival at the Drei Zinnen Hütte coming from a counterclockwise loop (the popular route) is where we found the first real expansive view of the three peaks in all their glory. I am not a climber, and I don’t think I ever will be (my few experiences on very thin and sketchy trails have proven this to me), but I can only imagine what the views are like from the tops of those peaks. The weather was perfect this day, a mix of sun and slight overcast.

  

  Cute little German man!

  

  

  After admiring the superhumans running up this mountain, we began our descent down into the valley to bring our loop towards a circle. We took our time the entirety of this hike to ensure we soaked up as much of the view as possible. The route isn’t overly difficult to follow, but I was glad to have read a few blogs in order to know which route to follow. The trails branch off in multiple directions, but I knew as long as the three peaks were close on our left we were on the right path.

  

  

  

  The elevation changes on this trail aren’t anything to write home about, but the final stretch did have a decent dip down followed by an equally decent incline. MaryBeth was wearing shoes that were hurting her feet, and I was wearing Teva sandals. My choice of footwear was mostly due to the fact I didn’t want to buy new shoes right before I was leaving, and slightly due to the fact I like to test my boundaries when it comes to exploring in those sandals.

  There were a few moments I clung to the inner edge of the trail just to avoid slipping, but overall the trail was moderate. I do not regret my choice of footwear, and if I had to do it again I would. 

  

  

  

  From here the trail was chill the remainder of the way. Overall the entirety of the loop is just over 6 miles, but with all of our stops and savors we didn’t get back to our car until 15:30, around six hours later. I could not have asked for a better introduction to the Dolomites, this day was absolutely perfect. The end of our hike showcased why walking the trail clockwise would have been a more expansive view.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  We arrived back at our hotel to shower and rest before heading out for a meal of gnocchi and pizza (and wine for MB!) Can you really go to Italy without having any or all of those? I think not. I will daydream of this final European adventure (for now) for months to come. My decision to move back to America was not an easy one, but for the time being was the right one.

  I don’t know what’s next for me, but I do know I’ll be back to the Dolomites as soon as I can. 

  

  Q: What’s one place you are dying to visit after seeing a photograph of the location? 

  

  | 20 Comments Tagged Brittany's Life Abroad, Dolomites, Hiking, Italy

• Schloss Elmau und Das Kranzbach

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on September 21, 2020

  A few months ago I rode my bike to the final town on my “must bike to” list, and during that adventure I discovered another area I wanted to bike to. I should know that a list like this is impossible to truly have an end, especially in an area like Bavaria. My energy was limited when I originally discovered this new location, so I tucked it into my brain archives for another day.

  Fast forward three months, while trying to decide where to bike on a day off, this location was revived from the archives.

  

  This beautiful building is called Schloss Elmau, “a magical sanctuary of the Bavarian alps”, and let me tell you…this place is indeed a magical sanctuary. I had heard of this resort and wellness center from some of my colleagues, but I had no idea what to expect.

  I needed a destination for my bike ride, and this seemed like a good fit. The ride to the resort climbs a decent hill, and I was a bit of a sweaty mess by the time I arrived. I thought for certain the people would notice how out of place I looked, but once I walked around the corner from the front of the building I was quickly sucked into another world.

  

  From the front of the resort I would have never guessed how vast the backside was. This location has seemingly endless land, and just when you think the land ends it drops down and there is more. Pools, yoga sanctuaries, lawn chairs, restaurants, a children’s park, tennis courts, and miles of mountain views.

  I knew nothing of this place, but quickly discovered this was the location of the 2015 G7 Summit – which means nothing to me other than world leaders from multiple countries (including my home country) came here to meet and discuss important topics. Naturally I had to find the bench Obama sat on while having an important looking conversation with Angela Merkel.

  

  

  The bench is a bit weathered now, and there are some lawn chairs with orange umbrellas in the distance, but this is the bench. I sat and waited to see if I felt any kind of powerful surge, but decided to go lay on one of those lawn chairs when nothing happened. I arrived around 1400 in the afternoon, and there were plenty of other humans out and about enjoying the amenities of this beautiful resort. 

  I rested on the lawn chair for about 30 minutes before leaving to head back home. I spent a few of those 30 minutes looking up how much a room cost, because I’d love to take my mom here someday, and with the two night minimum I had better start selling my soul in order to sleep here. You’d better believe if I am spending upwards of 600 euros to stay here that I will be spending all day on the property. 

  

  The ride up to Elmau passes by another smaller but equally impressive resort called Das Kranzbach. I encourage you to look at these websites if just to gawk at the amazing photos. The surrounding trees and mountains are like something out of a nature book. This resort, being a bit smaller, was more my speed. The exterior building was like a building out of a fairy tale. 

  I have a deep love for the staircase tops of these German buildings. 

  

  

  These resorts hold a special place in my heart because they were my last “new location” bike ride in Bavaria. I embarked on a few more rides after this, but to places I had been before. Nothing quite compares to the first time riding around the corner while discovering a new place. I will be forever thankful for the last six months of my time in Germany, biking like I had never biked before. 

  

  Q: Would you spend 600 euros for two nights in a mountain resort?

  

  | 19 Comments Tagged Bavaria, Bike Ride, Brittanys Life Abroad

• Leiphmier Moos

  Posted at 2:00 PM by Brittany, on September 3, 2020

  When I first arrived in Germany I set a goal of traveling to one new country every month. I planned to live in Europe for 15 months, which meant 15 new countries total. My original plan was to leave Europe in April of this year, and I successfully visited 15 new countries by the time April rolled around.

  Then Covid hit, the world shut down, and I was forced to stop moving.

  The Corona quarantine months were some of the best months of my life. I had already been feeling burned out by all the travel, but I am living in a culture where this is what we do. We work, we travel, and we repeat. Not much time to rest. Heaven forbid I actually stay in Germany instead.

  

  Ulm, Germany 

  It has been nearly six months since I have been on a plane, or taken a train or a bus to a different country (I have biked to Austria a few times, and one time took a train, but Austria is literally a pebbles throw away.) Instead I have been throwing myself feet first into Germany – by bike.

  I never considered myself a biker, but now I can’t imagine my life without this sport. When I was a runner (many moons ago) I never felt the way I feel when I bike. Exercise is meant to be therapeutic, to celebrate what your body can do, and I feel this whole heartedly when I bike. My bike has been my saving grace, and I have grown quite attached to it.

  

  I regret to say it took me FAR too long to figure out how/get the courage to take my bike on the train. The whole process reminds me of when I first bought my Cannondale (which I cannot wait to ride again next month) and rode it onto the ferry sitting among the other bike commuters of Seattle.

  The ticket process is simple enough, there is an all day bike ticket for Bavaria and with this I am able to bring my bike onto the train any time, all day long – for only 6 euros. Knowing where to take the bike is another story. Sometimes cabins are full, and I have to pretend I know what the train workers are telling me when they are trying to guide me through narrow rows to another cabin.

  

  Bike only section of the train, just me and the other cool kids. 

  With my newfound knowledge of transporting my bike, I decided to visit my dear friend MaryBeth in her new city of Ulm for a Sunday of biking. I have biked all over Bavaria (and still have so many untouched bike paths), so I wanted to explore another state. Ulm is in the state of Baden-Württemberg, and the landscape is like night and day to the state of Bavaria.

  Not only is Ulm a larger city than where I live, there are few mountains around and the bike paths take a bit longer to get to. MaryBeth and I decided to bike to a wetland park that is about 15 miles from where she lives in Ulm. This made for a beautiful and different than what I was used to 30+ mile bike ride.

  What I loved most about this midwest looking terrain was all the corn fields and sunflowers. There were no big hills, just open fields of farmland. 

  

  

  Our chosen destination was called Leiphmier Moos, and I wanted to go here because MaryBeth told me this wetland preserve is home to some Highland Cows. Perhaps it’s what they signify, or where they come from, but my love for the Heilan Coo is strong.

  Moos is the German word for moss, and I have found the areas that end in “Moos” are typically wetland areas. Moss aside, this preserve not only had Highland cows, but it also had bull frogs, ostriches, and water buffalo. I was only lucky to see the first three.

  

  

  After my temporary pretended teleport to Scotland, we headed back towards the city. We made a pit stop along the way at an abandoned lake where we had a snack and escaped the sun for a moment. My adventures with MaryBeth are always a good time, no matter what we do I always enjoy spending time with her.

  

  The last six months have been incredibly eye opening for me. I don’t want to say I regret how I spent my first year living in Germany, the travel was wonderful, but I do wish I had prioritized this beautiful country more. I’m thankful I was forced to slow down and thankful I was able to bike my heart out in southern Germany.

  I see myself living in Germany again someday, which is wild to say because my heart has always been set on Ireland or Scotland. I have a soul tie to the UK, but I now have a soul tie to Germany after my time here. All this to say, you never know where you will end up. All I know is that I am open to just about anything these days!

  Q: Is there somewhere in the world you have an unexplainable draw towards? 

  

  | 35 Comments Tagged Biking, Brittanys Life Abroad, Frosty

• Change is a Beautiful Thing

  Posted at 2:00 PM by Brittany, on August 27, 2020

  I am an emotional human. I attach myself easily to people and to places (although I hide it well, it takes a lot for me to show my vulnerable side), and although I consider myself a minimalist – every so often I attach myself to things (currently my bike.) That being said, while I would consider myself good at enacting change in my life (usually impetuously), I also struggle immensely with change.

  OK, but who doesn’t?

  I think my biggest hurdle when it comes to change is that I like control and certainty. When making decisions I have a hard time feeling fully confident in the choices I make, because I easily panic wondering if I made the right decision. Truth be told I don’t really believe there is a right or wrong decision, there is just “a decision” and life follows accordingly. Certainty is almost never an option.

  Life adjusts to the paths we choose. 

  

  Biking to Austria.

  I have learned a lot about myself in the last year, specifically in the last handful of months. I started a brief, but helpful counseling routine from March-July and while my journey is no where near complete it was a nice introduction into some deeeeeeep work that needs to be done. I also discovered some truths about myself during the three month Corona quarantine, when my life of non stop travel was brought to an abrupt, but necessary halt.

  Traveling has become a huge part of my life in the last decade, and it wasn’t until recently that I discovered while traveling is amazing – it can also be a bandaid. The moment I get antsy or feel the discomfort of stillness (aka prime time to sit with emotions) I do something drastic. Travel has been one of many ways I continue running from emotional traumas I have been running from since before I can remember.

  This is not to say traveling isn’t also a way to heal, it has been extremely liberating to embark on some of the adventures I have embarked on, but there is such thing as too much travel.

  

  Daydreaming by the river.

  I have somewhat unknowingly been carrying a lot of emotional baggage throughout my life, stemming back to my childhood. My last relationship triggered some deep rooted abandonment issues and I am now noticing how some of my behaviors the last few years have been a result of these stuffed emotions. The human body is an amazing machine, and does what it needs to in order to feel safe, but eventually the storms need to be faced.

  Trauma is not something you can outrun, it must be worked through, felt, acknowledged, and honored before the energy in your body can be released. 

  Every single one of us as humans have some type of stored trauma in our bodies. And so many of us suffer with similar emotional setbacks. I have found myself not allowing enough down time to actually process my emotions, and I am constantly running from one thing to the next. So often we are told to quiet our emotions, don’t show weakness, if it wasn’t a physical abuse it wasn’t a big deal, emotional abuse isn’t as serious…

  I’m here to tell you it’s serious. 

  

  Evening walks in Garmisch.

  While I am farther than I was yesterday, and the day before, I am painfully aware that I need to press the pause button on life.

  What a better time than now to do this, while the world is quite literally in a moment of pause (or at least it should be.) My life in Germany has been a whirlwind. I have done so many things while moving at a speed my body way never meant to keep up with. I have lived so much life in such a short period of time, but along the way I started to loose my balance. My footing became wobbly, like walking on loose gravel.

  I’ve found myself in a limbo where it feels like I am falling and the floor underneath me is no where to be seen. 

  

  Literal falling…I went paragliding!

  My health has taken a backseat and this high paced lifestyle is no longer serving me. To be honest it never really was. I so desperately want to live a life in Europe, and I have stuck with a job that has robbed me of my sanity and my peace. I am in desperate need of a rest, and a reset. It has been a difficult decision, but it’s time for me to return to Washington, press the pause, and reevaluate what I want in my life.

  I have come up with a few things I hope I can enforce as non negotiables moving forward. 

  • Stillness – I need time in each day where I wake up without having to rush off to a job where my nervous system is bombarded with action for 8 hours straight. My autoimmune disease flares when my body is stressed.
  • Community – while honoring my needs of being alone, I must prioritize fostering a FEW deep, core throbbing friendships. Loneliness leads to unhealthy coping behaviors.
  • Balance – this is my favorite word for a reason, my life needs a balance in what I eat, how I move, and how I share my time.
  • Boundaries – I struggle with boundaries. I give my all when I don’t have my all to give. I don’t speak up when my voice needs to be heard. I know what I need to feel balance, and I need to ensure I set these boundaries.
  • Adventure – I need the right mix of adventure and reality. Time to sit with my thoughts, but also time to see the world at a much slower pace.
  • Healing – I want to feel my emotions more. I want to feel sad, I want to feel happy, I want to feel despair, I want to feel joy, I want to FEEL. The only way out is through.
  • Bravery – I muuussssttt get over my anxiety surrounding meeting new people. The only boundary I’ve enforced has gone too far the wrong way and the walls surrounding me are sky high.

  

  Scenes from paragliding.

  I am devastated to be leaving Garmisch, this place has become my home and the mountains surrounding me have become my therapy space. I feel pain and sorrow thinking about no longer living near the bike paths that have lifted me up when I was falling apart. Part of me feels like I am giving up, but at the end of the day I don’t want to settle. I don’t have a clear vision of what the right decision is, but I do know I need to pause.

  My body has been screaming at me to do something different for months. It’s both a blessing and a curse to be so in tune with my physical body.

  I have been living in a cyclical cycle of ups and downs for nearly a decade, and I am finally realizing why there has been no significant break in this loop. I run to the next adventure hoping it will heal my wounds, when I am the only one who can. So while I might feel unsure of what the right decision is, I am choosing to trust in the process of life. My need for control stems from a need to feel safe, but at the end of the day I will never have full control. Only God has that power.

  All I can do is choose to sink or swim while my life plays itself out. 

  

  Bike ride to Riegsee, watching this pup swim.

  I have one month left in Garmisch, and I will be moving to Washington at the end of September. I don’t know if I will ever feel total peace about it, but each day I challenge myself to get further away from my black and white thinking. When I came here I was only planning to stay for 15 months, and here we are almost two years later.

  I will live in Europe again, but I will have a better lifestyle more conducive to my needs. I need to remind myself that although I love this area, my life as a whole is not in a sustainable balance. I could have sought out another job, but at the end of the day I ain’t living the life I need or want right now, and it’s time to face the music that is emotional healing. Healing leads to change, and change is a beautiful thing.

  Besides, it’s also time to see my family after a lonnnggg time away. My cat has no idea the storm that’s coming his way. (Me, I am the storm.)

  

  Magical mountain walks.

  Q: How do you make difficult decisions? 

  

  | 38 Comments Tagged Brittanys Life Abroad, Garmisch

• Austrian Alpine Lakes

  Posted at 2:00 PM by Brittany, on July 29, 2020

  Back in 2015 when I started hiking regularly, I fell in love with alpine lake hikes (this one is my all time favorite.) In order for a lake to be considered “alpine” it must be above a certain elevation (somewhere around 5000 feet, or 1524 meters), and is often fed by mountain runoff. In Washington where I am from, these alpine lake hikes start close to sea level, which means it’s quite a climb to see them.

  Anyone can visit a regular lake, but you have to work to see an alpine lake. 

  Here in the Alps there are cable cars to help cut off some of the climbing, but the assistance in reaching an alpine lake doesn’t make the journey any less spectacular. Last summer I was introduced to two lakes in northern Austria very close to where I live, and I had been daydreaming about seeing them ever since. I finally made plans to spend a day in the mountains, and it was a day I won’t soon forget.

  

  These two lakes are within the same hiking region on the Meininger Mountain range in Ehrwald Austria. I have ridden my bike to Ehrwald a couple times, and I originally thought about biking to Ehrwald, hiking to the lakes, and biking back. This brief psychotic episode was short lived thankfully, because that would have been rough.

  Instead I took a train (with my bike) to Ehrwald (saving an hour and a half of uphill biking), biked to the cable car where my pal Galiya and I took the cable car up the mountain (saving two hours of hiking) and began our journey to lake number one around 10:30.

  First stop: Seebensee.

  

  

  The views on our way to the lake reminded me of the Swiss Alps, and were far more expansive than any of the hikes I have done in Bavaria just next-door. I couldn’t believe I waited so long to experience Austria in this way. The mountains kept going, and around each corner was a new view unlike anything we’d passed earlier in the day.

  It took us about 1.25 hours to make our way to Seebensee, and the terrain was doable for any hiker. I was out of breath a few times, only because Galiya and I were speed walking. After necking it back to enjoy the journey we fell into a comfortable pace. Once we arrived at Seebensee we found ourselves surrounded by other humans, and rightfully so – the lake is gorgeous.

  We also found ourselves surrounded by lots of alpine cows. My favorite!

  

  

  The weather was starting to get quite warm, and I was relating on a personal level to that cookies and creme cow in the above photo. Galiya and I brought our bathing suits so we could dip our overheated bodies into the lake, but we decided to save our plunge for lake number two.

  Second stop: Drachensee.

  The climb to Drachensee was more intense than the walk to Seebensee. This required over 300M of climbing in a short span of earth. We started the climb around noon (aka the peak heat of the day), and my body was definitely feeling the burn (inside and out.) I took my time, and stopped to savor the view of Seebensee a handful of times while I let my heart rate calm down.

  

  What I love most about hiking in Europe, aside from the jaw dropping views, is the diversity among hikers. People of all ages and shapes come out to hike, and everyone goes at their own pace. I saw more people over the age of 50 hiking to Drachensee than I saw people my age or younger. It’s not only motivational, but inspirational! I strive to live a life that will allow me to continue hiking well into my 60’s and even my 70’s!

  We took about 30 minutes to climb the switchbacked hill up to Drachensee, and at the top of this hill lives the Coburger Hütte – a mountain hut where most people stop to savor a bit or a brew. Galiya and I skipped the crowded hut and continued the final few minutes down to Drachensee.

  

  We had every intention of swimming in this lake, until we arrived. Drachensee is a beauty of a lake, but her inner core disappears into a thick darkness hiding whatever lives under the surface (Drachensee = dragon lake.) I don’t like swimming in water where I cannot see what is underneath me, and I have self diagnosed myself with Thalassophobia.

  Side note: this Buzzfeed article made me want to vomit and I could not finish looking at the photos! 

  The deal breaker for me was seeing a large pipe leading into the lake from the shore, and almost immediately disappearing into the darkness. Nope, nope, nope. Instead we sat around the shore of the lake where little to no other humans were, ate a snack, and savored the view while our core temperatures cooled off naturally from lack of movement.

  

  The trails surrounding Drachensee are seemingly endless, for more intense hikers and even climbers there are routes that continue onto the peaks above the lake. There is a Klettersteig route as well, but I like living so I opted for the lake as my “summit.” We planned to go for a swim in Seebensee after avoiding being sucked into the dragons lair of Drachensee, and began our descent back down to our first stop.

  Initially I couldn’t figure out why no one was swimming in either of these lakes. When the sun is strong and people are out hiking, it’s hard to find a spot to set up and swim because everyone is out swimming. I was worried all these German speakers knew something we didn’t, but we decided to go for it anyway.

  I quickly discovered why no one was swimming. 

  

  This icy blue water was just that – icy! The moment I stepped my toes into the water I was met with an overwhelming surge of cold. I slowly continued to wade deeper into the water, hooting and hollering the entire way. Had it not been for my feet slipping on the algae covered rocks I likely would have taken much longer to submerge my body.

  I then went in and out of the lake three times. I guess I was a sucker for the pain. Overall it was my feet and hands that suffered the most. I could have kept my core in that water for much longer. After cooling off our internal heaters we sat on the grass next to the lake watching small human specks walk across the mountain peaks surrounding us.

  We were in the middle of a cow party, and had a handful of cows come to see what we were up to. 

  

  As we dried off and reclothed, we made our way back towards the cable car to start our journey back home. Not before stopping at the Seebenalm for a bite to eat and a chat with a tiny human. A small boy came and sat with us as we ate our food and I proceeded to make him count in German for us (he spoke to us non stop in German, but I only understood 1/10 of what he was saying.)

  He was such a sweet and pure soul. 

  

  

  Our original plan was to bike back home (it’s mostly downhill), but after a full day of hiking (we managed ten miles) we decided to train back home. We made it back down off the mountain at 1700 – 6.5 hours later! It’s days like this that make it really, really hard to leave Europe.

  

  Q: Does swimming in bodies of water without a clear view of what’s below you scare you too?

  

  | 27 Comments Tagged Alpine Lake, Austria, Brittanys Life Abroad, Hiking

• Blaubeuren, Germany

  Posted at 2:00 PM by Brittany, on July 16, 2020

  *A very special Happy Birthday to my Papa today, he is a remarkable human!* 

  Blaubeuren (not to be confused with Blaubeeren) is a hidden gem of a city about 20 minutes by train from Ulm. My dear friend and former roommate MaryBeth moved to Ulm at the beginning of June, and 2.5 weeks later I took a train to visit her so we could spend some time together.

  I just missed her too much. 😉

  While trying to decide what we wanted to do for our one full day together, MaryBeth suggested we go to Blaubeuren and see the Blautopf. The Blautopf (literally translates to blue pot) is a turquoise spring where professional divers explore the depths below the surface in order to access entrance to the Blauhöhle – the largest cave system in the Swabian Alps of southern Germany.

  I could never dive deep under these waters without having a panic attack, but I sure enjoyed being mesmerized by the still blue waters from land.  

  

  

  This spring reminded me of my time in Yellowstone, being surrounded by hot springs of similar colors. Only this spring was not boiling hot.

  A small path leads around the Blautopf for different views of the spring, and I was amazed by how different the colors were from one side to the other. I did slightly enhance the above photos, but for the most part these are the true colors of this spring from one side, and the below photo is the color from the other side.

  

  It looks like a completely different spring/pond. The views of the Abbey to the left and the surrounding buildings to the right gave a spectacular view and reflection though. This spring alone was worth the trip to Blaubeuren and I was already happy with our decision to come here, but the day just kept getting better.

  Upon arrival into the city, I noticed a large cross atop a small hill off in the distance. Knowing MaryBeth is up for anything (one of the many reasons I miss her so much) I asked if we could go find the trail to the top. We weaved and bobbed in and out of neighborhoods before finally finding the trail.

  

  It was a short 15 minute walk to the top, but the views were lovely. A few other parties of people came and went, but we shared the top with three older German men for a good 30 or so minutes. We spent the remainder of our time up top (which was quite a while) discussing the current state of the world from a Christian perspective.

  It’s conversations like these that make me feel like a whole human again. I only wish I had them more frequently.

  

  

  

  

  The Swabian Alps are clearly much different than the Bavarian Alps where I currently live, but they have their own kind of charm. I love the green tree covered hills cradling the city center below. Blaubeuren is an amazing city and had it not been for MaryBeths move to Ulm, I would have never thought to stop here.

  This city quickly became one of my favorite cities in Germany. 

  After we spent time at the cross, we wandered further away from the city center following the mountain ridge lines. Off in the distance we could see some castle ruins atop another hill, and this became our next destination. I love friends who love walking for hours. Although the ruins don’t look too high off the ground, the path getting there took longer than I thought.

  

  

  We finally found the ruins, only to discover a fence around the bottom clearly indicating entrance was verboten. Suddenly we saw a group of people walking around the inner ruins and then they walked out of the gate like it was no big deal. We arrived at the ruins around the same time as an older couple, and the older man watched the group come out of the gate and decided he was going to go in.

  Naturally, I followed the old man.

  I try to follow the rules most all of the time in my life, so this slight bend of the law had my adrenaline running at full speed. I ran up the steps of the castle to follow the old man, and once we made it to the other side of the entrance we made eye contact, exchanged a laugh, and quickly looked at the view below. He mumbled something to me in German, and I just laughed and nodded as I had no idea what he said.

  Just smile and wave. 

  

  

  

  After I safely made it out of the fence without the Polizei catching me, we wandered our way back down the mountain. I showed MaryBeth the awful photos I snapped in my running panic, because she was in the process of getting her German Visa and wasn’t willing to risk getting into trouble – smart girl.

  The walk back to the train was leisure and relaxing. The river running through the town beckoned people from all over to swim, and wade. We made it back to Ulm at a decent hour where we made dinner and played cards with her boyfriend Ben. The older I get, the easier I am to please with evening activities.

  Give me a good meal with good people and I am content. 

  

  We spent the following morning enjoying coffee together, chatting more about life, and walking around Ulm a bit. I say it a lot because it’s something I cherish so deeply, but I am immensely grateful for MaryBeths friendship. I am also thankful I will forever have a place to visit when I come back to Germany. 😉

  

  

  If anyone is curious what it’s like to live as an expat in Germany, MaryBeth has started sharing her experiences on her blog! Check her out.

  Q: Would you rather stand tall at the top of a mountain, or swim deep in the depths of water? I’d rather crawl up the sketchy mountain I hiked a couple months ago than ever dive deep in the water. 

  

  | 25 Comments Tagged Blaubeuren, Brittanys Life Abroad, Germany, Ulm

• Wandering and Pondering

  Posted at 2:00 PM by Brittany, on July 13, 2020

  Since returning to work full time on 15 June, I haven’t done many outdoor activities. My first few weeks back to working full time were rough. It’s amazing how quickly your body adjusts to not being on your feet all day, and at the end of my work days I was useless. My days off were spent resting, or doing something low key.

  My body has since readjusted to working full time, but I still opt for chill after work adventures – if any at all.

  I haven’t hiked much since I finally summited the Kramer at the end of May. The bigger hikes take more planning, and my body has to be in a specific condition for me to succeed, but one mountain I can always count on even when I feel less than 100% is the Eckbauer. Although I never feel 100%, but you get the idea. 

  

  The Eckbauer is the perfect balance of “I need to move because I feel like a slob,” and “but I don’t want to do anything crazy.” The elevation of this summit is a mere 1237m (4058ft) with a gain of 529m (1736ft). Just enough of a sweat – an hour of a climb, without feeling destroyed at the end. At the top of the Eckbauer there is a Hütte if you fancy a bite or a beer.

  This hike is arguably one of my favorite views for minimal work. 

  

  

  The Eckbauer is right next to the Olympic Ski Stadium, where the 1936 Winter Olympics were held. Before the Olympics, the town of Garmisch (where I live) and the next door town of Partenkirchen were separate entities. They did not associate as a unit. That was until Hitler decided he wanted to have the Olympics in little ol’ Garmisch.

  Garmisch alone was too small for something as monumental as the Olympics, and Hitler decided to combine the two towns into one. While each town is still individually referred to by their original names, the technical name for the entire area is Garmisch-Partenkirchen. But don’t ever go into Partenkirchen and call it Garmisch, the older locals still value their separation.

  

  Original stadium sculptures.

  I love history.

  Another small hike (more of a mountain walk) I did last month was on the Kramerplateauweg, which I have walked on manyyyyy times. I normally wouldn’t blog about this because I have done it so many times, however this time was different.

  

  Spring and summer time means animal time on the mountains surrounding Garmisch. What this means is the cows, goats, and sheep come out to play. The farmers in the area have spots of land on some of these mountains for their livestock to roam, and for weeks I saw a small patch of white specks on the Kramer from my room.

  These specks made loud bell clangs that carried throughout the valley, and I knew they must be sheep. While I was on my walk this day, I found my way into the open field of sheep and it was like walking into Narnia. I didn’t seek the sheep, but suddenly there they were, and suddenly my life had a kind of meaning I didn’t know it was missing.

  

  I admit there were a few times the sheep came walking towards me briskly, and it scared me. They were just curious and wanting to say hello, but anytime an animal with teeth approaches me, aggressive or not, I get a bit freaked. They just wanted to know if I came baring gifts in the form of food, but I sadly disappointed them.

  I sat with these sheep listening to the comforting clangs of their bells for about ten minutes before heading back down to my bike. This was an unexpected, but wonderful surprise. I find such joy in the sounds and smells of farmland. I know that sounds bizarre, but it reminds me of the simpler times of open rolling hills in Ireland.

  

  One more notable post work adventure I embarked on last month was to Badersee – a very small lake in Grainau. Grainau is the next town over from Garmisch (opposite of Partenkirchen), and I ride my bike here often when I want to shake out my legs. These backyard quickies are such great options for movement after work, or just on days I don’t feel like committing to a long bike ride.

  A quick 15 minute ride, an even quicker 10 minute walk through the woods, and Badersee provides a breathtaking view. 

  

  

  I live in an amazingly beautiful place of the world, and the thought of leaving brings a physical ache to my heart. I feel the heavy throbs of sadness every time I think about it, and unfortunately I have been thinking about it a lot lately. My time here is coming to an end, but if I had come here with a significant other I could probably stay forever.

  Alas, I have struggled with my job for a while now, and I have already stayed longer than I planned simply because I am head over heels in love with Bavaria.

  My plan is to leave at the end of September, but I know this will be like pulling a rotten tooth without anesthesia – painful, but necessary. I would love to stay in Germany, and there are other options for jobs, but there is a small piece of my heart that tells me this is not the time. I am trying to balance my heart and my mind, and I am trying to trust that God has a plan for me I do not yet see.

  I knew when I came to Germany my time here would be ephemeral in the grand scheme of life. 

  

  

  Sometimes I daydream about truly diving into the German culture, learning more German (Mein Deutsch ist nicht gut), making friends with the locals, and completely overhauling my life. Then I think about my cat, and my family and something stops me every time. Change is something I have always struggled with, which is ironic for someone who has enjoyed working seasonal jobs the last three years.

  This job has been different, I will have been here just under two years, which is a significant chunk of time. The longer the time, the harder the change. Life here is nothing like it was when I first arrived though, and I sense the need to move on. As much as it physically pains me to say. I have become increasingly more lonely the last few months, as my core group of friends has left.

  This might seem contradicting as I have posted about fun friend adventures, but those are brief weekends among months of loneliness. 

  

  I have only just begun to open the can of worms that is self healing from past trauma, and this adventure has been amazing, but it’s time to put more focus and energy into healing my spirit, mind, and body. I have also noticed with the return of my period, my emotions are out of control for one to two weeks of the month.

  I’m talking really dark headspace.

  Once the PMS weeks are over, my loneliness calms down, my body feels better, and I feel more intrigued by pursuing life in Europe with a different job. Is this the change I need? It’s hard to say, I don’t know which way is up and which way is down right now. Part of me does not want to come back to America, but I also feel very out of balance right now.

  

  Can someone teleport them to me??

  One thing is for certain – I cannot keep working, and living where I am. It is not healthy for me in any way, shape, or form. I must prioritize quality friendships ASAP. I will leave it at this for now as I reminisce on my June jaunts, and as I daydream about all the adventures I hope to embark on before I leave beautiful Bavaria.

  Q: Have you recently made a difficult change that you knew was necessary?

  

  | 13 Comments Tagged Brittanys Life Abroad, Garmisch, Germany, Hiking

• Kuckuck für Triberg

  Posted at 2:00 PM by Brittany, on July 6, 2020

  English translation: Cuckoo for Triberg. 

  Triberg was the final stop on my weekend getaway with Galiya and Austin (my previous two posts share the other stops if you missed them.) Our original plan was to go to the Black Forest on day one, Burg Eltz day two, and Nürnberg day three. When Galiya suggested this itinerary I was glad I had already seen Nürnberg because otherwise I would have been overwhelmed.

  I’ve been talking so much about wanting to slow down my travels, yet I agreed to a weekend crammed full of driving. Thankfully, during our drive the first day we readjusted and decided to spend the final day in Triberg, which is also in the Black Forest. The driving time was similar, but Triberg is much smaller than Nürnberg.

  

  Air B & B Views

  After our adventure to Burg Eltz, we made our way to Triberg for the remainder of the day. We arrived around 1800, with plenty of time for a nice home cooked meal, and a walk to a nearby children’s park. Galiya and I spun our hearts out on a spinning wheel “ride” of sorts, the three of us attempted a wannabe zip line, and I haven’t laughed that hard in months.

  Where were these kinds of parks when I was a kid?

  The following morning I woke up before my compadres and made myself a cup of coffee while sitting on the outside balcony enjoying the view. I often struggle with my current job – the high pace, inconsistent schedules, living so close to those I work with, and lack of alone time really gets to me. I then take a weekend getaway and I am reminded why I am still here. It’s quite literally like a drug for me.

  

  I sat and stared out at the golf course in front of the balcony, watching the automatic lawnmower run circles around the grass. I felt the wave of peace I often feel when I am sitting in a town far away from the hustle and bustle of work/other Americans. My heart aches more and more for a true life in Europe – but not this one.

  The longer I am here, the more I am starting to believe my ideal life in Europe is possible, but I just don’t know when. 

  After Galiya and Austin woke up, we all enjoyed coffee together before making breakfast. I love, love, LOVE traveling with humans who enjoy cooking meals instead of going out. I know there is something special about going out to eat while on vacation, but for me I prefer to make my own meals if possible.

  Lucky for me, these two were all for it. 

  

  With a belly full of brain food, we headed off to the Triberger Wasserfälle, a famous waterfall we thought would involve an epic hike through the woods. This waterfall is one of the highest in Germany, but only because the town of Triberg has a high elevation. The last time I visited the Black Forest I tried to find an epic hike, only to end up at a tourist attraction at the highest elevation of the forest.

  Something similar happened this time. 

  This time, it was Austin who suggested the waterfall. We arrived only to discover not only did we have to pay to get in, but it was a waterfall we could see from the entrance to the woods. Needless to say this was not what we expected, however the waterfall was beautiful and I’m still glad we went.

  

  The annoying part was that we had to wear our masks walking around the forest. I am ALL FOR the masks…trust me, I am living in Europe and I have seen first hand the success of mask wearing. HOWEVER, when outside I think it’s annoying. Everywhere else in Germany we don’t have to wear a mask when outdoors, so this was rough.

  I was breathing like a fish before death walking up some of these hills, and the mask was making it worse. We managed to take off our masks with enough time for a photo before waterfall patrol found us and told us to put the masks back on. #rebels. Don’t worry, we were more than 6ft away from others.

  

  The waterfall walk took us all of 30-45 minutes, and we spent the rest of the late morning walking around the shops. The Black Forest is believed to be where the Cuckoo Clock originates from, and Austin was on the hunt for a clock for his mom. My mom has also been longing for a true German Cuckoo clock, but my overthinking mind hadn’t been able to pull the trigger on a clock because there are too many options.

  I discovered Austin and I are quite literally the same person. He struggles almost more than I do when making an important purchase (although I have similar struggles even over items that are under $10.) I just can’t decide when there are so many choices, it’s immobilizing. Thankfully for me, his struggle was my gain and I had so much time to stare at these clocks while he was deciding that I ended up buying one too!

  

  I bought the battery operated version of this one.

  I ended up choosing a classic looking clock, hand painted by the main who ran the shop. He and I chatted about his woodworking history in a town near where I am living, and he was such a patient, kind older man. I’m terrible at surprises, so I told my mom that evening about the clock. Mostly because I was worried she wouldn’t like it. 

  She’s either lying to appease me, or she really does like it.

  Cuckoo clocks in hand, there was only one more stop to make in Triberg before we headed back to Garmisch…

  

  Triberg is home to “The World’s Largest Cuckoo Clock” and this large building has a bird in the tiny upstairs window that comes out twice an hour. We managed to make it just moments before the birdie came out to say hello. The greeting from this bird was the most anticlimactic chirp, and we all shared a laugh and a “that was it” comment.

  After our date with the large bird we made our way back to Garmisch, and I sat in the back seat of our rental car watching the road pass me by thanking God for these two selfless, kind humans. As if the trip couldn’t get any better, Austin and Galiya asked if I was ok listening to a sermon series they had been enjoying on the drive home.

  It was music to my ears. ❤

   

  Q: Cuckoo clocks – annoying, or fun? I think I could manage one, but having more than one in my house would drive me mad. 

  

  | 26 Comments Tagged Brittanys Life Abroad, Cuckoo Clock, Germany, The Black Forest, Waterfall

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