I seem to have developed a backwards case of writers block. Instead of having a lack of words to write, I am finding myself with so much to say I don’t know where to begin. So many thoughts, feelings, and emotions have been swirling inside my head lately, but the overwhelm of it all leaves me with a blank page and an overstimulated mind.
This seems to be the norm for me, especially when in my luteal phase. I feel things stronger, I love things harder, and I overthink things longer. I have been challenged multiple times the last few months, but despite these challenges I know all of the times I am pushed to a zone of discomfort, I am pushed to a zone of growth.
Human beings are unique, and we each have our own trials. As I continue to grow I continue to seek those who are willing to grow with me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about all the people I have met throughout my life, and some of the adventures I have embarked on with these people. Some people I will never see again, and yet their presence in my life served a purpose I may never fully understand. We learn from people, and often times their personalities can serve as a type of mirror for us to see our own strengths and weaknesses.
A normal part of life is spending time with those who are in close proximity to us. For me, I find I bond quickly with likeminded people I work with. I’ve been enjoying spending time with some of my coworkers, but I know eventually some of us will loose touch. Just like those I’ve lost touch with who I worked with prior.
The natural ebb and flow of seasonal friendships can be painful, but there is always an open door for new relationships to be made.
I’ve been hiking with a few pals I work with lately, and I am reminded why I chose to work at REI. I knew I needed to find some kind of community when I moved back to Washington, a community of people who share my common interests and hobbies. These moments in the mountains are therapeutic for me, and sometimes we share conversations that fuel my soul in a way that cannot be done by simply sitting in a coffee shop chatting.
I once thought I preferred to be alone, but I’ve learned that it’s not as simple as a black and white equation. What I prefer is to be understood. To be heard, and to have others ask me how I’m doing from a place of genuine interest. To share my dreams and feelings from a place of true vulnerability. The older I get the stronger my desire to share the penetralia of my heart.
These moments are rare, and the people with which I have these moments are hard to find. There are few feelings in life comparable to connecting with another person on a level where our scars live.
The hike in this post is a hike I had done once before in 2014, and I couldn’t help but think about the last time I had hiked this. While I don’t remember much, it got me thinking about friends I hiked with in my early 20’s. 2014 was the beginning of discovering who I was, and hiking was a catalyst in this self discovery. So much time has passed, and I have morphed into an entirely new person.
The beauty of life is that we are always evolving.
On this recent hike my friends and I trekked 13 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail to the Kendall Katwalk. This day, along with many other days, will be etched into my memories as a positive moment amid times of chaos and convolution. The world is being torn in two right now and it’s messy and unsettling. I’m reminded in these times there are few things more important to me than my people.
I think my hesitation in writing this post was a fear of getting “too deep.” I have a tendency to write from the depths of my heart, and while I regret none of those posts, I am trying to be mindful of what I put out into the world. This post is meant to be more of an appreciation post for human connection.
I have learned to lean into my sensitive humanity, and I know only those who want the best for me will lean in too. Tell your friends how much you appreciate them, tell your partner how much you love them, tell your family (this doesn’t have to be a biological family) how thankful you are to have their support. Tell people their value, because you never know the impact your words may have on someone else.
Q: Do you have an easy time being vulnerable with others?