Tag: Life

• Onward

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on March 8, 2018

  I’ve noticed a pattern with my blogging. When I’m deep in the throes of school, I’m mostly MIA on this space. My brain becomes so convoluted with information I don’t ever plan to use that any and all creative juices are sucked up through a straw with a hole the size of Alaska. That makes for quick loss of creative juice.

  

  The good news is, I am down to my last class. Like…the last one…ever. I really never wanted to go to college, and to be honest with you I don’t know if I’ll ever want a job that requires a college degree, but I finally settled on a BS in human communication. We all have to communicate, regardless of what we do for work.

  Plus, Starbucks is footing the bill and I couldn’t really turn down a free bachelors degree. If you have an end goal I think college is great, but if you don’t, I think it can be a death trap for years of financial burden. 

  I’m a big believer that college isn’t for everyone, but I’m glad it’s finally almost over. I’ll never have that “I wonder if” problem about finishing, but the only reason I started was because I felt like my parents wanted me to. I have to admit this was the worst possible time for me to finish college and the amount of stress I felt from my classes as well as from managing my health literally had me on the floor in a ball more times than not.

  

  Thankfully I’m a stubborn individual, and I refuse to take “this is your life now” for an answer. This is mostly the case for my autoimmune issues, which I don’t talk about much on the blog, but the thoughts of my body take up a large majority of my brain space. The sad reality is that most people think once they’re labeled as having an autoimmune disease, or any disease for that matter, they assume that’s it.

  They assume this is life now, bring on the cocktail of drugs to manage this new life.

  I don’t believe that, not for one second, no matter how many doctors seem to believe this. I believe autoimmune diseases are caused by excess inflammation in the body, for such extended periods of time that the immune system can no longer keep up in trying to put out the inflammatory flames. The goal is to find the source of this inflammation, whether it’s food, stress, toxins, parasites, or a combination of multiple things, and remove the triggers.

  

  I’m thankful for my stubborn mind because it will allow me to gain my health back in full one day, of this I’m certain. It’s not an easy road, but it’s a road that will be worth the effort (just like these snowy hike photos from my birthday last month.) I used to be notorious for quitting when things got hard, which is why it’s taken me 11 years since I graduated high school to finally graduate college, but this time I didn’t quit. I wanted to quit many times, because I don’t handle my stress well. I switched my major four times, and regret nothing.

  I’m certain stress was one of my main triggers for pushing my body over the edge, but patience is my best friend in calming the inflammatory fires.

  I refuse to quit the path of naturally healing my body through lifestyle changes, and it’s powerful knowing I have control over my outcome. I can taste the freedom that accompanies no longer having to read another textbook on a topic I have no interest in. I have a good sense of when to quit something because it’s no longer serving me, and when to quit something because I’m letting stress take over. It’s important for me to know the difference.

  

  I can also taste the freedom that comes from no longer handcrafting espresso beverages at Starbucks. I have two months left with Starbucks before I move onto my next adventure, and it’s a bittersweet goodbye. Five years ago I started slaving for the siren with no goal other than to busy my days and busy my mind after a painfully ugly breakup. Starbucks quite literally saved me when I needed saving, and because of that I will always have a soft spot for this chapter in my life.

  Plus, the solid 401K and free bachelors degree they’ve given me aren’t so bad either.

  From retail, to corporate, and back to retail I can confidently say my time with Starbucks has come to an end. I’ve become both comfortable and stagnant with where I’m at in life which means it’s time for a change. The stress that accompanies a job like mine is stress I can no longer afford to tax my body with. Although I’m sad to say goodbye I’m also ready to spread my wings and fly.

  

  One of the few classes I enjoyed taking during my time with ASU was an elective class (aren’t those the only ones most of us enjoy?) called Wilderness and Parks in America. I learned a great deal about the history of our national parks, and developed a desire to see as many as possible, including the first ever national park – Yellowstone.

  SO, I snagged a summer job at Yellowstone this May-October.

  I’ve never been to Yellowstone, nor any of the states that Yellowstone resides in (the majority of the part resides in Wyoming, but 3% of the park is in Montana and 1% is in Idaho.) After my recent trip to Alaska I fell in love with the idea of seasonal work in locations that allowed me to live a lifestyle I enjoy, and to be outdoors exploring as often as possible.

  

  I’m both excited and apprehensive about this adventure. My safety zone (my kitchen) will not be available to me, and I will have to learn how to navigate eating foods outside of my small circle of what is and is not helpful to my body. I’m confident that being in a new environment with new friends, and new hiking trails will continue to project me forward.

  I’m already daydreaming about all the people I will meet, both coworkers and visitors of the park. 

  It’s no secret I’m a bit of a nomad, being in one place makes me feel stuck and weighed down, so this concept of seasonal work is something I’m chasing after right now. I don’t know what’s next after Yellowstone, and yet ironically this upcoming adventure has brought me more peace than I ever felt working a steady job the last five years.

  

  Not everyone is made for the 9-5 lifestyle and that’s OK. What’s not OK is waking up each morning and dreading the day ahead of you. This life is a gift and we only get one, so we might as well live it doing things we enjoy. Thankfully I’m a simple girl, with a simple lifestyle, and I can afford to run off to different states living the life I manifest for myself.

  Our bodies talk to us in many ways, and mine has been telling me it’s time for a change for a while now. The next two months I will continue to seek out my triggers for inflammation, continue to work through my stress, and finish college strong. Two weeks after I graduate I head to Yellowstone, and one week after Yellowstone I head to Scotland.

  Only we can create a life worth living for ourselves. It’s going to be a good year. Onward.

  

  Q: Tell me about your educational path, and what you do for work.

  

  | 62 Comments Tagged Alfred, ASU, Autoimmune Disease, Life, Starbucks

• Humbled and Thankful

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on January 3, 2018

  In my last post I briefly shared about an unexpected emergency surgery my cat was undergoing, as well as my impromptu decision to create a GoFundMe account. Within less than 24 hours I was given hundreds of dollars towards a lofty goal, more than I ever expected when I created the account. Friends and strangers donated in multiple increments coming together proving that no amount was too small.

  

  Each donation I received brought tears to my eyes, some from friends, some from strangers. This process happened so quickly, and has permanently changed a piece of my heart in a way I never imagined possible in such a short period of time. The generosity of giving and helping with my cat, while unplanned and not ideal, has shown me how powerful we as a species can be when we come together.

  This season is known for gifts and giving, but when the gifts are this monumental, they can change hearts.

  

  I spent a lot of 2017 with my focus inward. I continued to struggle with my health, and with finding my voice in the world. I spent far too many days with my arrows pointing in when they should have been pointing out. What we focus on continues to manifest, and I can guarantee that my focus on healing while helpful at times, caused more mental turmoil than necessary.

  What if I had spent more time stopping to smell the roses?

  

  I don’t claim to be perfect, but I don’t feel that I’m selfish. With the recent events regarding my cat I am inspired to turn this situation into something good. The inspiration I feel from the love and support I’ve been given has been humbling in so many ways, and while I am not a fan of new year resolutions, I can tell you I have an unexpected outlook on 2018.

  This year it’s time to make a plan that focuses on other people.

  

  This year I plan to spend less time focusing on myself, and more time focusing on others. So much of my life has passed me by the last three years because my obsessions and thoughts were elsewhere when I should have been present in the moment. How sad would it be to come face to face with death, and regret living a life where most of your time was spent inside the bubble of your own mind.

  Dark thought, but necessary thought. 

  

  How many times do we read story after story about the healing power of helping others? How many times do we experience these healing moments, and quickly forget about them when problems arise? In the past I escaped to the woods when times got hard, or I would isolate myself, but what would happen if I challenged myself to help someone else when I was feeling low?

  This can be as simple as giving someone my time, and being truly present in the moment.

  

  My cat was given 12 hours to live if he didn’t make it to a specialist. The total cost for the procedure and multiple emergency rooms he visited was thousands of dollars. If we chose not to pay, he would have needed to be euthanized. I could never place a price tag on my family members, and my pets are my family.

  The emotional scar I would have been given if I took his life prematurely was a burden I chose not to carry.

  It’s been six months since I said goodbye to my 20 yr old cat, I wasn’t ready to say another goodbye. I spent a good amount of money on my last cat before we had to send him over the rainbow bridge, but we did all that we could and I don’t regret a single penny spent. Having a pet is a commitment I feel should not be taken lightly, and not doing all that I can is never an option.

   I don’t expect to get anywhere near my goal, but every penny I’ve been given was a penny more than I expected. 

  

  What is life worth if we don’t have others around to enjoy it with? No price tag is too large when it comes to love and life. Money is variable, and it can always be remade, but life can never be given back. Not to our pets, and not to ourselves. I cannot thank those that donated enough, not just because it helps financially, but because of the emotional hug it gave me.

  I’ve never felt so loved, and this was the perfect reminder for me to focus my energy on other people.

  Sometimes others need our help or our attention when it’s not convenient, like an emergency vet clinic that’s open on a holiday, but these are the times when help is most appreciated. This new year I don’t plan to neglect myself, because doing so would jeopardize others, but I plan to better myself for different reasons. I need to better myself in order to fully show up for other people.

  A simple change in perspective was all I needed. A reflection of how I’ve been living the last year.

  

  I plan to do my part to pay it forward once the dust has settled with my current situation. The thought of bringing the unbelievable joy I feel from each donation is a feeling I want to share with as many people as possible. Sometimes all we need is to know that someone cares, and that someone is listening.

  Going into the new year I leave you with this – ask yourself what would happen if you made small changes to turn your arrows outward.

  In a world that is so convoluted with hatred, my heart is full of abundant love receiving such unexpected generosity. Prayers for recovery are welcomed and appreciated as he continues to heal. To some he’s “just a cat,” but he has saved me from so many heartaches in life, it was time for me to save him.

  Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. 

  

  | 32 Comments Tagged Cat, Life, New Year

• Lake Angeles

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on August 29, 2017

  I used to be extremely active. One season of my life I was training for my third half marathon while completing the Insanity DVD’s, and this was completely normal for me. I was never not doing something intense. Then I lost my period, and it would take another few years for me to realize perhaps it’s time to take things down a notch.

  

  Don’t get me wrong, I love the euphoria that comes from an extreme cardio session, but my body has been trying to tell me to take it down a few notches and I’ve chosen not to listen. It amazes me how loud and clear our bodies will communicate to us if we listen, the problem is that we’re usually so focused on other things we don’t hear the warning signs.

  The go go go mentality comes into play for me whenever I go for a hike as well, the mountain has to be bigger and badder than the one before or I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much. The mountains aren’t close to me, so I’ve always had a certain rule when choosing trails.

  

  I LOL’d at this sign, if you look closely next to the 3.7 someone wrote “More like 5.”

  My rule is that when it comes to a hike, I need the time spent on the trail to be longer than the time it took to drive there. On average, it takes me about two hours to get to a good hike meaning the actual hike will ideally take 3 hours or more. This means the trail needs to be at least 7 miles RT or more. 

  I realize how ridiculous this all sounds. I can’t say all my marbles are straight, but I’m actively working on pushing them closer together in a somewhat uniformed line. I don’t hike as much these days in an attempt to re-balance my body (still no consistent periods, but I feel we’re getting closer) and I really don’t enjoy running so that had to go too, but if I find a friend to tag along on a hike I’ll go.

  

  Before setting off to conquer Lake Angeles, I found myself slipping into old habits. Originally when my friend asked if I wanted to go for a hike, I got onto the Washington Trails website to find a big and bad hike to conquer. I must also mention I’m not at all in the shape I was when I was running half marathons and doing Insanity, meaning big bad hikes are more painful than enjoyable these days.

  

  I originally chose a different trail to explore. Higher elevation, and longer distance. Because, why not. I woke up at 3am the morning of the hike with a lump in my stomach telling me this was not the trail I wanted. I was dreading the adventure, and that’s no fun. I remembered that I’m trying to respect my body and not destroy it, and made the change to Lake Angeles last minute.

  At 7.4 miles RT with an elevation gain of 2350′ this was more than enough. It kicked my out of shape butt in all the right ways. This also happened to be the week that Washington was hit with a shitton of smoke that was pushed our way from the BC wildfires, as you can see in all of these photos, so taking it easy was ideal.

  The smoke gave me terrible headaches. I can’t imagine what it was like in Canada. 

  

  The point of this post is to remind me, and to encourage you to listen to our bodies. When things are out of balance it’s for a reason and the only way to know is to slow down and listen. It’s a challenge for those of us with obsessions or addictions to certain lifestyles, but without challenges we will never grow.

  We are constantly bombarded with people telling us that we are lazy if we don’t want to workout, or unhealthy if we want to eat the cake, but at the end of the day only you know what’s best for your body and soul. For too long I told myself I was lazy if I didn’t go for a run, or climb a bigger mountain, but you can only force something for so long before the joy is zapped from it.

  

  Hiking is meant to bring peace and calming (with some blood flow) and satisfy my urge for exploration. It shouldn’t be just a way to sweat. I’m reminding myself to stop and smell the roses, not just view them from the top. Hiking is so much more enjoyable when you savor the journey, and it just so happens this is a metaphor for life too.

  Rest if your body tells you to rest, move if your body tells you to move, eat the cake if your soul tells you to eat the cake, or avoid the cake if your body tells you the sugar is not working for you. Listen to your body, it’s smarter than any media article or science guru combined. The key is learning what to listen for.

  

  Life is not about perfection, all we can do is strive to improve who we are today from who we were yesterday. Just be sure to give yourself grace along the way. 

  Q: What activities are you not enjoying lately that you used to love? For me it’s running. So now I bike!

  

  | 62 Comments Tagged Hike, Lake Angeles, Life, Mountain, PNW

• Isolation

  Posted at 12:30 PM by Brittany, on August 4, 2017

  When I was a wee little lass, I never liked to be alone. I know, I know…those that know me would tell you otherwise. I thrive on solo adventures, I prefer being alone, and I’ve become an expert on isolation.

  Younger Brittany felt anxious being in public without a friend by her side. Heaven forbid someone see’s her alone, and thinks she has no friends. Heaven forbid someone tries to talk to her without the buffer of another human being to act as a deterrent. Younger Brittany wouldn’t dare to go on adventures by her self.

  If others couldn’t go, neither would she. 

  

  Solo bike ride.

  Then one day, a little over four years ago this all changed. Gone was the girl that needed a friend to go to the movies, gone was the girl that needed a guy to feel complete, gone was the girl that did anything and everything “with someone else.” Most importantly – gone was the girl that put her life desires on hold because no one else wanted to do the same things she did.

  Taking time to learn how to do things alone is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, until that gift has the opposite affect and you get uncomfortable being around other people. Human beings are social, and we were meant to be with others.

  As with anything in life having a healthy balance of isolation and connections is key. 

  

  Solo hike.

  It occurred to me a few weeks ago while I was on the above photographed solo hike, that I no longer thrive off of hiking alone all the time. I no longer prefer going on every adventure alone, and I am craving human connections like never before. I am constantly in awe of the human body, and when one aspect of our constantly working internal makeup is out of whack, the rest crumbles with it.

  

  Solo ferry ride. 05:20. Who can spot the moon?

  I’m also in awe of the fact that when we do not follow our hearts true desires, life starts to get difficult. Two years ago I made a transition with my job that I felt was “the right thing to do.” I hated what I was doing and almost instantly my health started to crumble. A year later I made another transition that I felt I should do, but didn’t really want to do and my health not only didn’t get better, it worsened.

  It was in these moments that I started isolating more, and more, and more. 

  

  Last week I left my job in corporate America and transitioned back to working in a cafe for Starbucks. I took two steps backwards while most people strive to take one step forward in any job transition. I knew in my heart this job was not right for me, nor was any other position within those walls. So I stuffed the voices from society, and went back to stage one.

  The key factor in this transition is that making coffee and connecting with people makes me happy. I won’t be a barista forever, but while I finish my last 9 months of school this is the right fit. More importantly this is what my heart was telling me to do.

  This is what my heart was telling me to do for two years, but I ignored it. 

  

  Book reading cats always listen to their hearts.

  So here I am, 28 years old, still in college, and working as a barista at Starbucks. And you know what? It feels right. I feel calm, and I feel happy. My lifestyle needs a job with flexibility, my lifestyle needs a job that allows for last minute travel, my lifestyle needs a job that has me moving non stop.

  Life is not a template created by society that has a one size fits all tag, so why is it that so many of us care about how we are perceived if we are doing things we’ve labeled as not good enough? I isolated myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough, and cared too much what others thought for far too long. I’m here to tell you that shit is exhausting, and in the end the only person you’re going to effect is yourself.

  

  NON solo hike

  

  I’m actively spending time with others again, but in all honesty it was hard to surround myself with people when physically I never felt well. It’s also hard to find quality friends as you get older, but no excuses. With a stronger grasp on dietary tweaks, and relief of job related stress I’m confident I’m on the right path.

  I still very much enjoy being alone, but I’m finding the balance between solo time and time with others. Working in a cafe is not about making money for me right now (plus, I get paid more as a caregiver through WA state) it’s about making connections, meeting people, and allowing myself to thrive as a human being.

  

  LAST DAY AT CORPORATE. So happy.

  

  Blog BFF’s

  The point of all this is to challenge and inspire those that read this to take an inward look at your life. Are you happy? I mean truly happy. Is there something that you could be doing that would make you happier, but you feel like you shouldn’t do it because you fear what others would think? Are you also experiencing health problems?

  The mind body connection is strong my friends, and when your mind is toxic with fear and unhappiness your body will suffer the consequences. Stop living your life for other people, be selfish. You only get one, might as well enjoy the ride!

  Oh, and we only get one planet so throw away your damn trash! 

  

  One of TWO trash hauls within a 15 minute walk. Shame.

  Q: Did you know that those with a strong circle of healthy relationships live longer than those who don’t? Are you living an authentic life?

  

   

  | 51 Comments Tagged Life, Starbucks

• Where I Find My Therapy

  Posted at 10:15 AM by Brittany, on May 4, 2017

  A couple weeks ago I went to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival, an annual celebration of all things tulips. I had never been before, but it was a gorgeous sight to see. The drive is not close, but my family and I were able to turn the adventure into a full day trip.

  This post will showcase those photos, but the topic will be completely unrelated. 

  

  

  Today I want to talk about therapy. Counseling. Seeing a shrink. There comes a time in most peoples lives where this is a necessary step to take in order to heal from trauma. Trauma can take many shapes and forms from loosing a loved one, to loosing yourself.

  

  Because you never know when you need to locate the garlic.

  

  I’ve gone to therapy a few times in my life, but usually because I was forced to go. I went when I was very young, probably around age 6-8 to help me process my emotions because I was an outspoken child from the beginning of time.

  The next time I went to therapy was age 17. I was ordered to see a counselor because I had a few bouts of skipping school. It was a court order, so there was no negotiating this one. I’ve come a long way from my high school escapades. 

  

  

  My only memories of tiny Brittany therapy are playing with animal figurines in a sand box. I also remember this was the first time I learned my arms were double jointed. Random. My 17 year old memories were strictly check list related. I showed up, talked very minimally, got my check for being there, and left. I didn’t like it much.

  

  

  The older I get the more I understand the power and value of therapy, but I also realize that this is not always the answer for everyone. Society tells us that if we are experiencing troubles that we need to go talk to someone about it, and there is complete validity there, but I don’t think there is a one size fits all method for everyone.

  There is no shame in going to counseling. These people are specialized in pulling us out of our funk in ways we may not be capable of doing alone. But is speaking aloud about our trials the only way to heal our wounds?

  

  

  Black tulips. My life is complete. I need dis.

  Long time blog readers will know I’ve been going through a phase of life where I feel lost. I’ve always been an open book about my struggles because we ALL have them, and there should be no shame in speaking about them. In fact sharing my life on this blog has been hugely cathartic for me, and many of you guys relate to the words I share.

  There is no time limit on when we will heal from pain, and we are each on our own journey, and we each heal in our own way. Per the request of friends and family, and eventually from my own mind I decided to try speaking to a therapist the last few months about things I’ve been dealing with.

  

  I have a hefty amount of residual trauma from relationships, friendship, not properly dealing with my stress, anxiety about what I can and cannot eat (thanks to an autoimmune disease and restrictive/binge eating habits), and occasional depression that accompanies isolation and poor weather.

  SAD is real ya’ll.

  None of these feelings or emotions define who I am, and I have stayed extremely positive (for the most part) throughout all of this because I know it will pass. I also know that traditional therapy has not been for me. I find my therapy outside in the woods. I find my therapy on a run with rain falling on my face. I find my therapy drinking coffee with a friend. I find my therapy by believing all things happen for a reason.

  I find my therapy by just breathing. By being. By living in the moment. By eating a balanced diet that works WITH my body.

  

  I was on a solo hike last week and my mind looked like a bee hive at the peak of honey production. There were so many thoughts and emotions swirling around my brain, and I left that mountain feeling so calm, and so at ease. My therapy doesn’t come from sitting on a couch with a specialist that may or may not know what I need, my therapy comes from diving deep within myself and allowing myself to sit with my emotions, the happy, the sad, the good, and the bad.

  I’ve been in a really good place lately, and this post is coming to you from the tail end of most of this, but the revelation of these thoughts just came to me. I in no way think standard therapy is a bad move, in fact I’m glad I tried again because it confirmed this isn’t the only answer for me. I took some of the tools I learned and was able to utilize them on my own.

  

  Ultimately the moral of every story is that we need to do what is right for us as individuals, not what is right for someone else. Sometimes we need a push, and sometimes we need to be drop kicked off a cliff. Whatever that shove may be for you embrace it fully and chase after what makes you come alive. When one area of life gets out of balance it can turn into a snowball.

  Spirit, mind, body. All must be balanced.

  Our world has tucked mental health under the rug and topics of depression, anxiety, fear, and loneliness are taboo. No one wants to talk about them and no one wants to admit they feel them, but we ALL feel them. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t! We are molded to believe there is something wrong with us if we aren’t feeling like a cast member of The Wiggles all the time.

  But that’s not real life. 

  

  

  The next time you find yourself in the midst of chaos, trauma, or pain, remember these feelings and experiences are serving a purpose. Don’t try to run from the pain, but instead try running towards it. Let these natural human feelings work their way through your soul and morph you into someone new. Let them teach you about who you are.

  Find what works for you in moving through this time of your life whether it be therapy, painting, meditation or hiking. Eat well, rest often, and stress less. When all else fails, find a field of tulips to tip toe through, I dare you not to laugh in the process.

  Where do you find your therapy?

  

  | 99 Comments Tagged Hiking, Life, PNW, Tulips

• Since You’ve Been Gone

  Posted at 9:00 AM by Brittany, on April 3, 2017

  Oh hi. I wasn’t gone long was I? Truth be told I can be a bit impetuous when I get emotional and my last post declaring a blog break was just that. I don’t feel like three weeks was long, and possibly not worthy of a declaration, however it allowed me to fully step away with ease.

  I missed this space which was a nice refresher for me. This outlet keeps me somewhat whole in the times I feel like I’m falling apart. Which has been the story of my life lately. The exciting thing is that these times of our lives are completely normal, and learning to be comfortable during the times of discomfort is amazingly freeing.

  

  The weather has been hit or miss in my parts lately, but I still try to get outside as much as I can. Fresh air is like an instant serotonin boost and LAWD knows I need sum-o-dat. Walking has been soothing for me lately, and while I’ve had a couple runs here and there I find that what my body is truly craving is slow paced, stress-less walking.

  Also jogging.

  I think I’m officially a believer of the jog.

  I’m not fully adjusted to the lifestyle change that comes with an autoimmune disease. The scaling back of physical activities to honor my fatigue is something I mentally struggled with for a while. As with all sudden changes this can take time, but I’m getting there each day. Moving is moving amirite?

  

  I’ve also slowly but surely been trying to find my way back to a mostly plant based diet. At this point I believe a lot of my struggles around what my body can and cannot handle is more mental than physical. At the end of the day I’m mentally conflicted over just about everything so I might as well ethically feel good, HA! I am putting my focus onto healing my mental state rather than worrying so much.

  Worry is an emotion reserved for those who don’t trust.

  I trust. I trust God, I trust my body, I trust my intuition, and I trust my life is falling into place just how it was meant to. I also trust the sun will come out sooner or later here. We’ve had a few previews and oh boy, o berto am I excited. 🙂

  

  I spent 10 days last week with my first client Emma, the catalyst to my pet sitting adventures. She is also one of the only clients I continue to stay with because I realized pet sitting (specifically dogs) was a huge stress addition for me.

  My mom tells me I will be a good mother one day because I’m very attentive to the pets in my life, but with that comes added stress. Unfortunately for her I still don’t want kids. “OH Brittany, you’ll want them when you’re older!” I’m 28…not getting any younger here. Still don’t want crawling drool producers, sorry mom.

  Also, I really like referring to these animals as my clients. #sidehustle

  I was happy to pull back the reins on this side hustle for less stress in my life. I do like staying with Emma though, she is easy and she and I have a bond that started with her ability to produce a RBF much like mine.

  

  I very much enjoy the company of Emma’s mom, and I think this is also why I continue to stay with her. I don’t have many people in my life that make me feel refreshed after we speak, but this woman makes me feel so happy inside. She has a solid 45 years on me, but she’s good people. I flock towards the older crowd, I’m told I have an old soul.

  So where am I going with this post? The moral of my story is to continue to be at peace with myself. Continue to trust my body, trust my mind, be gentle with my mind, and be gentle with my progress. Autoimmune diseases are a fickle beast and I’m certain mine was thrown into acceleration because of stress, so continuing to stress about little things will only make matters worse.

  This means giving my mind a hug at times with muffins. Paired this one with a cup of coffee and a walk in the rain. 

  

  An added benefit of walking more is that I am more aware of the ground. When I run I mostly focus on not dying so it’s harder for me to notice shiny objects on the ground. Walking allows me to pay attention to my surroundings. This attention brings me more money. One year I found over $10 on the ground.

  A penny isn’t just a penny when you find 250 of them.

  

  That’s almost enough to buy me another muffin. We’re making moves people, we’re making moves.

  Q: Do you pick up spare change when you see it? I know some of you do…you know who you are. #soulmates

  

  | 67 Comments Tagged Baking, Free Money, Life, Plant Based, Vegan

• Why I’m No Longer Vegan

  Posted at 6:00 AM by Brittany, on January 26, 2017

  Alternatively titled why I’ve chosen to no longer feel like a bag of ass everyday. 

  This post was hard to write. I’ve been in denial for over a year now, and the only benefit of resisting the change that I knew I needed in order to heal my body is that I can honestly say I’ve tried it all. I tried with every fiber of my body to make a plant based diet work despite the growing list of health problems I have. With this, I have confidence in my decision should anyone try to argue with me about my dietary choices. Not that this should matter, it’s my personal choice just like any diet, lifestyle, hair color, or political position – we’re entitled to our own choice. BUT, I tried it all. Literally all of it. Perhaps it’s more for my own peace of mind knowing I gave it all I had.

  I’m going to include photos from a hike I went on yesterday in this post because the mountains are the only place that has brought me complete clarity this past year. 

  

  I didn’t struggle to write this post because I cared what other people thought, but rather because it meant I had accepted the change. Writing this post means I’m ready for the change, but getting to this point was a long and bumpy process. Change is hard, especially when you’re changing something you never thought you’d have to.

  Before I continue I want to make one thing clear. I do not by any means think a plant based diet is unhealthy, nor do I think there is a one size fits all way of eating. This post is based around my experience, my health issues, and my decisions to add animal products back into my diet. Albeit as I mentioned above, this was not easy. I’m writing this post because I want to be honest with my choices, and because reading articles about others that have had similar experiences has been immensely helpful for me.

  

  Let’s start at the beginning shall we? When I was 17 I went vegetarian. I watched 20 seconds of one factory farming video and that was it for me. I plunged into meat free life with ease and never looked back. I never felt a strong pull towards meat anyway, so the change wasn’t hard. I enjoyed this meat free diet for a handful of years before experimenting with veganism at age 23, a diet I thought I’d continue for life.

  My first year on a fully plant based diet was amazing. I thrived. I was enjoying foods in a way I never had before and I felt truly at peace with the way I was eating. I thank this time of my life for showing me a side of vegetables I hadn’t seen before. I am now beyond obsessed with these earthly foods and cannot imagine a world without leafy greens and broccoli. My diet became my lifestyle, and my lifestyle became my identity.

  Beet still my heart. 

  

  I’m not exactly sure where shit started to hit the fan for me, but despite the abundance of greens my diet was very grain heavy. I also consumed a good amount of sugar, which only progressed as time went on. My favorite way to celebrate after running a race was with a fat donut. Ohh the memories. I briefly talked about the beginning of some of my health issues in this post about stress, and after about two years on a plant based diet my health took a turn for the worse.

  I will never know if it was completely my dietary intake, or the outside factors such as chronic stress that affected me so poorly, but the end result remains the same. I have an autoimmune disease that has forced me to change my eating habits. I physically cannot eat a plant based diet successfully anymore unless I want to survive on leafy greens and broccoli. Most everything else sends me into a state of blood sugar crashes (including fruit) that leaves me foggy, tired, inflamed, bloated, and moody. Grains, fruits, even my beloved potatoes give me a headache, dry eyes, and such intense sugar cravings I’d sell my kidneys for a box of cookies.

  It’s truly both a blessing and a curse to be so in tune with my physical body.

  

  As I mentioned above I’ve been in denial. That means I’ve continued to try to make this square lifestyle fit into a circle shaped hole for over a year. That means I’ve been feeling God awful most days for over a year. I am what I eat, and I’ve reached the point where I can no longer bear the physical discomfort that has come with my denial. I’ve been living in the past thinking, “I used to feel so great eating this way, there has to be a way to make it work,” but as with all things in life this too has changed.

  So why has this been so hard for me? It should be easy eating a way that makes me feel good. It’s true, adding animal protein back into my diet (while also avoiding grains, basically paleo style eating) eases my symptoms and leaves my body praising with relief, like a cold damp cloth over an internal fire, but mentally I’ve struggled to get over the personal decisions to avoid meat which stem back to 17 year old Brittany watching those factory farming videos for the first time. I felt so passionately about my lifestyle that it became part of me, and I have mourned the loss of this part of me.

  

  I’ve mainly stuck to fish, but last week I bought a chicken. I’d eaten chicken before this last year, but this time I bought the entire body. I decided if I’m going to eat this “once living being” I need to be more connected to the source of it.

  As I was removing the meat from the bones I began sobbing. I cried such ugly tears as I verbally thanked the chicken for its meat (I didn’t know what else to do), and I later prayed that there has to be another way. This was an emotionally draining experience that haunted me the remainder of the week. To some this might seem silly, but think about something you feel a strong ethical pull towards and try to understand when you fight against this pull it’s no easy feat for the mind.

  Truth be told there is no other way. I go back and forth between a week of eating paleo and then I feel better, get ambitious and start eating vegan again and spiral right back to feeling like hell. I’m not talking cakes and cookies vegan, I’m talking basic whole grains and even fruits. 

  

  I’ve been in a state of limbo for so long I’m exhausted. I still stand by my ethical beliefs, but eating a plant based diet is simply no longer an option for me and my health. However this doesn’t mean I have to support factory farming. I’ve begun searching for local vendors that sell locally raised meats and fish. If I’m going to eat it I must do it right, the way God intended us to eat meat. None of this processed bull shit that we call food today, and none of the horror that comes from the torture of factory farming.

  It’s been hard, but as with all things in life it will get easier. I’ve tried to keep this post basic and straight to the point, but I assure you there have been so many more emotions and thoughts associated with this. I’ve been leaning heavily on my faith as I do in most times of struggle, and I verbally thank the animals (yes fish is meat, and an animal just like a chicken) I consume. If any of you have specific questions or concerns that you’d like to discuss please feel free to email me and I’m happy to elaborate.

  

  I’m still finding my footing on eating habits, and I’m aware this journey will forever be a learning process. My goal is to continue to fine tune my body and fuel it with whatever makes me feel best. I’m mostly consuming fish, as it’s the one animal product that makes me feel best. I’ll probably slip here and there, but my footing is already more sturdy today than it was yesterday.

  To end this post I just want to say I’m good. I’m writing this from a place of peace, trusting that my body knows best (spoiler: it does know best.) To all my plant based readers I hope you’ll stick with me for my mountain adventures, but if you choose to no longer read I completely understand. I won’t be blogging about meat, and the only food photos I’ll share if any will continue to be of plants, but just know for complete transparency I will be eating animal proteins. I’ll do an update post as time goes on.

  

  Mad love to all of you that have stuck with me on my journey the past while. And to my real life friends, thank you for dealing with my wishy washy back and forth decisions, and for putting up with my crazy. I realize how privileged I am to have this kind of decision in the world we live in and I assure you I don’t take it for granted. 

  

  You do you, and I’ll do me. 🙂

  Q: What was a tough decisions you had to make?

  

  | 103 Comments Tagged Life, Vegan

• 2017: Setting a Stress Free Tone

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on January 6, 2017

  Let’s talk about stress baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the chaos and mass destruction that can be!

  Stress – what a fickle beast. An unwanted wave of tension that stakes claim over our entire being if we let it. But what’s the big deal? Our bodies were built to endure stress as a survival method right? As with all things in life, our bodies can only handle stress in limited quantities, like when we’re being chased by a bear or waiting in line for sold out Justin Beiber tickets.

  It’s only when this tension builds to a point of chronic daily disruption that things go awry, the scary part is most of us don’t even know we’re stressed until it’s too late. Stress is a silent killer if left unnoticed, and I encourage each of you reading this to evaluate your stress levels. If you’re unsure of what this might feel like do some reading. It took me over three years to realize I was living in a hyper-stressed state.

  Brace yourselves, things are about to get slightly personal.

  In Jan 2014 I lost my period. In all honesty I didn’t think much of it and I felt fine. After months of ignoring it, I went to a doctor. One doctor led to five, all of them trying to give me a magic pill to jump start the red sea of life. “Nahh man I want to know why I lost this, not put a bandaid on the problem.” I hopped from doctor to doctor trying to get an answer. All the while the underlying stress was building.

  

  After all these doctors, zero answers, and a change in position at work (that I never really wanted) my stress levels were so high that I was having physical reactions. Rashes on my skin, inflammation, anxiety, food intolerance’s, all of which I thought were solely related to what I was eating. To an extent this was true, but in hindsight I now know it was stress that started it. I then went to see a naturopath hoping his naturalistic mindset would align with mine, but when he prescribed me a “seed rotation” (where he had me eating specific seeds to follow the moon) I pulled the plug.

  I confess I followed his moon dance ritual for two weeks before calling it quits. I believe in the pulls of the moon, and the universe, but this was where I drew the line. He also told me to start eating animal products and run less. I was desperate to know what was going on, so I obliged. Then shit really hit the fan. The mental stress of eating a way I didn’t feel right about sent me into a spiral that resulted in a year and half long eating disorder, something I’ve only recently gained a grasp on.

  I don’t feel any shame about this, it’s life and it opened my eyes to some destructive thoughts and behaviors. 

  The final straw this past October after seeing both a GI doctor and a Rheumatologist (putting my doctor tally at seven) was the diagnosis of an autoimmune disorder – one year and a handful of months after obsessing about what was wrong with me. I went from healthy and vibrant, to mentally and physically broken. Despite the wild ride I know this was a valuable time in my life. Without these moments of darkness we cannot truly know the light. Each dark path looks different for all, and this just happened to be mine.

  

  Protip: Eating a whole foods, plant based diet almost always prevents whatever ails you.

  Truth be told, if I follow this complex line all the way back to the beginning it tells me a story. A story of a girl that was letting small things get to her. The stress of running, the stress of being a perfectionist, the stress of “what am I going to do with my life,” the stress of an educational path I didn’t truly want, and ultimately the residual stress of a tumultuous relationship. The universe has a powerful way of slapping us in the face until we get it. Keep playing a broken record time and time again and you’ll get the same annoying loop, but change the record for a new one and you’ll hear a new song.

  Change your path and you’ll get a new result.

  It’s my three year anniversary of losing my period, and I’m back where I started. I’m back in a state of calm, and trusting that my body will balance itself out with a little help from me. (I had two normal slaps from aunt flo last year, one in September and one in December. So..things are happening.) The outside voices only caused more chaos in my body. Do I think that this kind of hormonal imbalance is normal? No. What I do think is that our bodies are amazing and will tell us when something is wrong. For me, stress has caused a whole heap of trouble and it’s time I focus on fixing this, my way. No magic pills.

  Disclaimer: I’ve had many, MANY tests run to ensure I’m not dying or void of any vital nutrients. My body is 100% healthy on paper, which made this all the more of a mystery, and all the more obvious that my body was trying to tell me something. I also tried it their way – I gained the weight, I ate the meat, I quit the running, but still no resolution. It wasn’t my diet or my running, but rather my attitude towards them and life in general. #stresslife.

  Along with adding more stress relieving activities to my life (yoga, walking, sitting in a coffee shop typing on my compute as I am now, making meals in the kitchen) the most important activities are the ones I need to remove. I’ve decided it’s time for me to stop running. Not completely, and not forever, but until I no longer dread the idea of it. A few posts ago I declared I was going to be training for my seventh half marathon. This was yet another attempt for me to get on track with exercise when in reality I don’t enjoy running anymore (unless it’s under 4 miles.) A 5k is still an accomplishment, it’s taken me years to accept this.

  

  Protip: Take a piece of wood, paint it, add hooks and you’ve got a cheap way to showcase your medals.

  There are so many other activities I would rather do, and I let running dictate my life for a long time, to the point of skipping out on these other activities because I “had to run.” Eventually I skipped out on exercise all together because I let my mind takeover. When you no longer want to do something and feel as though you have to do it, eventually everything will crumble. I’m so proud of my running accomplishments, and a solid 2-3 mile run still brings me joy, but anything more causes more stress than relief.

  Exercise is supposed to be an outlet for stress, not a cause. 

  Self sabotage and overthinking what I’m doing with my life has been a struggle of mine for years. Self acceptance and confidence is my biggest point of focus right now. Confidence in my choices, and in how I present myself. I preach about doing what you love, yet haven’t followed my own advice. I’ve had a lot of revelations the past year, and plan to make some solid changes this year. Finishing college is my main focus, and once that’s done I’ll do whatever I want. I live a minimalist life already and I don’t need a lot to get by.

  

  Protip: “Need” less things. This…is my wallet. A few months ago my wallet was stolen and I never bought a new one. I love how simple this rubber band cluster of cards fits into a small cloth bag.

  Surrounding myself with people that support my choices in life, lift me up, and encourage me to be myself are key. I will come in contact with people that try to make me feel like less than them because of what I do for work, or how I choose to spend my time, but the beauty of being happy with your life is that these people don’t affect you. The truth is these people are the ones that are suffering on the inside.

  The stress in my life helped catalyze a very negative mind space for longer than I would like to admit. This led to a poor attitude, of which I’m not proud, but I’m also not ashamed. I suppose you could say in this time I went full blown human, faults and all. If my attitude and negative head space could have taken on a physical persona I would say it looked an awful lot like Charlize Theron in the movie “Monster.” Not cute.

  I’m not one for new years resolutions, and I didn’t want this post to be like one, but this has been on my mind and on my heart for months. Having these thoughts is one thing, but allowing yourself to submit to them is harder than it seems sometimes. It’s taken me a while to form my thoughts into coherent words, and the words can’t hold a flame to the magnitude of how I feel on the inside. This is a brief view into my world and putting fingers to keyboard means I’ve found my way out of the murky waters and am ready to talk about it.

  I am thankful for the clarity, and living my truth is my resolution. My resolution for life. 

  

  Protip: Ride your bike. It’s an excellent stress relief.

  I’m still experiencing umbrella symptoms that accompany an autoimmune disorder. The top offenders for me are chronic fatigue, inflammation, painfully dry eyes, an overall feeling of “unwell” (some days), and I struggle eating grains, sugars and drinking coffee in certain amounts. I have to be diligent with the intake of some of my favorite foods (as we all should.) My focus is putting these symptoms into remission and I’m already heaps and bounds better than I was in October. Baby steps will help me find my way back to where I was. I’m thankful my condition isn’t nearly as severe as others, but an eyeopener nonetheless.

  If you’ve stuck with me through this post I commend you. It’s been a doozie to write and I’ve breached the 2050 word mark. It took me many months and even more drafts to finally hit publish, not because I was embarrassed, shameful, or worried what others thought, but simply because I didn’t quite have the right formation of thoughts. Sharing my thoughts is a therapeutic purge for me, and emphasizes my progress in life. The best part of this entire journey is that the solution can be simple, it just took a change in perspective, and some time for me to realize it.

  I want to end this post by challenging you to take a look at your life. Are you living your truth? Do you do things based on how others think and feel, or are you unapologetically living in a way that makes you happy? These are hard questions to answer and even harder to ask ourselves. We only get one shot on this earth and too many of us make it to the end of life with a bucket of regret. I want my bucket to be filled with joy, adventures, and more importantly with pride. Pride in anything that I do (except things that are immoral or illegal of course), regardless of how I am perceived.

  

  Protip: Care less what others think.

  There’s so much more I want to say, but I’ll end it here. I’ve written a handful of similar posts this last year, but I plan for this to be the last “ah-ha moment” post for quite some time. Gaining control of my thoughts means more adventure and upbeat posts to come. Control your thoughts, control your life. Happy 2017 to all of us that have made it this far, new year resolutions aside it’s time to start living your truth. What are you waiting for?

  How do you manage stress? I ask that you honor my thoughts and opinions should you choose to share your own. My approach and views may be different from yours when it comes to what is and is not healthy, but that’s what makes us each unique. 🙂 Thanks for reading. ❤

  

  | 85 Comments Tagged Life

• Navigating November

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on November 7, 2016

  With the blink of an eye here we are on November 7th. I hope you all had a wonderful Halloween, I stayed home and handed out handfuls of candy to needy children. I did wear black and orange striped tights to work on Halloween — tights that belonged to my sister, my significantly shorter than me sister, they ripped. In an uncomfortable location.

  I hated my commute that day. 

  

  Just because jack o lantern season is over doesn’t meant it’s time to put the pumpkins away. I found a place that honors October, November, and December all in one spot. We’re talking pumpkins in the front, Christmas tree’s in the back.

  When your seasons start to blur together.

  

  

  OK, I got my pumpkin patch fix for the year. Moving on.

  Work

  Work has been good, I’m finally at the point where I don’t feel new in my role. This is my first Christmas in the corporate building and they don’t mess around when it comes to celebrations.

  

  Play

  I managed three hikes last week. I’m trying to get them squeezed in before the white sheets of death plague us. I don’t like snow, I’m a Grinch.

  

  

  Don’t get excited, he’s my coworker.

  

  I’m severely out of shape, but can still manage to trudge along on some of the steeper hikes. The more out of breath I am the more of a reminder that I’m not moving enough lately. I’m the most out of shape (and heaviest) I’ve been in years, but the best part about starting at the bottom is there is no where to go but up.

  

  Eat

  Chipotle slapped me with the good karma stick yesterday and gave me so much guac, I surely had the equivalent of at least an entire avocado. Part of it was still in tact. Yes.

  

  I tried a new to me vegan place on the island. I’ve walked past it many times, but never bought a meal until now. It made my face all kinds of hot, but it was worth it.

  

  Life

  I recently watched Leonardo DiCaprio’s documentary Before the Flood. I was enamored by the way he brought this piece to life with information from a myriad of sources. I believe climate change is real, and the devastation that we are causing to this planet is mind blowing. Even if you don’t believe in the science, I encourage you to watch.

  Even if you don’t believe this is happening, if you have a soul you must realize the damage being done to the earth in order to gather fossil fuels, the devastation to our forests (which house the trees to filter the air we breathe!) to make way for new buildings, and the extinction of rainforests that house many species. 

  No change is too small to help reverse atmospheric CO2 emission from fossil fuel use and forest/land destruction. I originally adapted a plant based diet for ethical reasons, however I cannot help but believe this lifestyle to be immensely beneficial for the planet. Factory farms (specifically cattle) produce ungodly amounts of methane (CH4) gas. According to Leo’s film, every molecule of CH4 is the equivalent of 23 molecules of CO2. Insane. 

  I encourage you to think about what small change you can make today to help restore decades of damage. 

  Wednesday I fly off to California for this girls wedding. I’m not sure what shenanigans I’ll get myself into with my free time, but you already know it’ll be posted here sometime the following week. Happy Monday – do something nice for someone else today, and let’s reduce those carbon footprints one step at a time!

  

  Seen on my commute.

  Q: What are your thoughts on global warming? All views welcomed here. 

  

  | 47 Comments Tagged Explore, Hike, Life, Vegan

• Between a Rock and a Hard Place

  Posted at 5:55 PM by Brittany, on October 1, 2016

  I rounded out my Seattle house sitting adventures with one more adventure to the mountains, and two more adventures to local eateries. I’m settled back into my small town dwelling and it feels good to be home.

  

  It’s been a while since I got sappy on here, and because I typically blog what I know I’m feeling like an emotion purge right about now. When I started working in Seattle a couple months ago it was a nice shift in my life to distract me from the funk I was in.

  Fast forward to today and I’m feeling myself sliding back into that slump, and realizing it wasn’t just my job that was causing these feelings. It was a myriad of things, and they are all becoming more clear as time goes on.

  They say hindsight is 20/20, but I think hindsight is more like “perspective on steroids.” Your don’t need a perfect picture of it all, just a strong view into how you’ve evolved. 

  

  Food issues were at the top of that list, and I’ve been working closely with specialists to diagnose my health concerns, some of which are finally being solved. I think. I’m staying both positive and optimistic because I know everything works out eventually, and everything happens for a reason.

  School/stress was another issue and I’ve realized that I am an emotional eater. Like WHOA. Give me stress for one hand and you’d better have a dozen cookies for the other.

  

  School has been wicked stressful for me this semester, and I’ve wanted to quit 49385 times, but quitting is not an option. I’m only two semesters shy of finally graduating and you’d better believe when that moment comes I’ll be ugly crying tears of relief.

  Realizing stress is a huge trigger for me to emotionally eat has been a huge eye opener, and helpful for me to avoid binge episodes. For the most part. Constant work in progress. 🙂 Caffeine and coffee are another trigger for me, and I mentioned a while back that I was giving it up, and it was an odd time for me given that coffee was a large part of my platform and my passion.

  I’ve only recently come to a place where I no longer desire a cup. 

  

  It’s only slightly odd working in a building with over 30 kitchens filled with French presses, espresso machines, drip brewers etc and not partaking, but it’s becoming my new normal. That’s the thing with change – it takes time to get used to and in the beginning it can be hard. Really hard.

  It’s also been hard to find things to blog about lately. I get the desire to blog, to connect, and to write, but then when I think about what to talk about it all seems jumbled and chaotic. This used to be so cathartic for me and was such a large part of my life, but the last year has been full of posts like this rather than posts with baked goods and running.

   I am still sharing random cat shenanigans though. Some things never change.

  

  Was time for a new blog photo too. Featuring my main man.

  Long story short I think it’s completely normal when you know something is missing in your life, and things are confusing whether it be health related, job related, or personal, for everything else to feel slightly out of whack. Life is full of up’s and down’s, but we were born with ligaments for a reason. We can flex with these changes and adapt to each new situation to make them into something better.

  We do what we know, and change what we know we need to. Accepting the change, accepting the struggle, knowing it’s not forever, and doing it all with a smile. If you find yourself between a rock and a hard place use your inner Gumby to bend your way out of the middle.

  On that note it is officially October, and October is my happy place. I’m already swooning over the leaves changing and the rain.

  Q: Do you live in an area that showcases seasons? Washington is gorgeous in the fall! 

  

  | 66 Comments Tagged Cats, Coffee, Life, Starbucks

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