Tag: Life

• Filtering Fear

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on February 22, 2021

  I am an anxious person. This is not news, but as I continue to navigate my way through life I continue trying to find the “why” behind my feelings/emotions/behaviors. Fear and anxiety are hardwired into our psychology for good reason – these intuitive emotions help to protect us from dangerous situations. Fear can act as a motivator to prepare us for the unexpected, but fear can also act as a paralytic.

  My fear has somehow evolved over time from a healthy and mindful reminder of my boundaries, to an unkempt field of weeds.

  The thing about me is that while I acknowledge that I am anxious and overly fearful at times, I am also actively working against myself to determine what is real, and what is not. I am quite literally filtering through my fears. What is causing me to feel anxious most of the time is a false reality somehow skewed by my experiences over time. When we try to repress these thoughts or feelings we continue to stay stuck in an unhealthy cycle, making poor choices along the way. When we acknowledge these thoughts or feelings we grow.

  I choose to swim through these thoughts rather than allow them to drown me.

  

  Life experiences play a large role in our mental health, but I truly believe that a significant amount of our dysphoria is reflective of our physical bodies as well. Hormonal imbalances, and digestive distresses are key factors in our mental health. The gut is referred to as our second brain for a reason, the close knit inner workings of our true brain and our guts are very real. What we think we feel, and what we feel we think.

  The reason we feel like we need to rush to the bathroom when we are nervous, or when we feel a pain in our stomach when we are afraid, is all relative to these homeostatic relationships within our bodies.

  I have a borderline obsession with researching the topic of physical and mental health correlations, and the knowledge I have gained has me often wanting to scream the benefits of proper nutrition and lifestyle from the tallest mountain. Sometimes though, these basic humanistic necessities aren’t enough to balance our inner beings, and we need a little help from external sources. My hormones have been out of whack for an unreasonable amount of time, and I recently decided to experiment with a herbal hormone balancing blend.

  I am blown away by the results.

  

  For the first time in what feels like lightyears I feel balanced. I feel stable. I feel less anxious and less “down.” I’m not saying this is a magic bullet, but I do believe in the power of nature helping to bring us back to our factory setting. My mood the last month has been lighter, I have been more sociable, I have been more empathetic, more compassionate. I have been more…whole.

  My fear is still hanging around, but most of the scenarios in which I feel fearful are realistic.

  Examples of appropriate fear I have recently felt are: not wanting to drive in the snow, and challenging the idea of a hike in the snow. Snow and I are not good pals. I once got lost for hours on a hike because of snow, and I have slid too many times on the roads because of snow. Examples of inappropriate fear I have recently felt are: fear of rejection, and wanting to cancel on friends because I fear being a burden. Spoiler alert – a worthy friend will never make you feel like a burden.

  

  With downs come ups, and it feels good to be on the other end of this yo-yo. I know the downs are inevitable, but I’ll take the ups for as long as I can. With the shift in my mood I have had more of a desire to be social, to get out of my comfort bubble of isolation and spend more time with others. I am thankful to have met new pals who enjoy hiking as much as I do, and each “yes” I say when I am invited on a hike helps propel me further forward.

  I turned 32 last week, and while I had big plans of spending every year of my 30’s in Europe, Covid had other plans. Instead I went for a hike with three new pals. A snowy, wet, adventurous, new to me hike. I swear I just turned 30, yet here we are already at 32. The older I get the more I reflect on my life in my 20’s. Somedays I feel I have made zero progress in my life, but each year I make moves in the right direction. I no longer feel the need to “fix” my problems. I am content in diving deep to the roots of what I am feeling.

  The beauty of change.

  

  It’s ok to feel fear. It’s ok to feel anxious. What’s not ok is letting these feelings control you. The beneficial fear is directly related to physical safety, while the rest of it is a result of over thinking, societal conditions, and unresolved trauma from earlier in life. I am finding joy in this process of working through the weeds I have grown in my mind. For so long I have avoided my own mental garden, but how freeing it feels to be so in tune with myself.

  What would happen if we looked at the bigger picture of our lives? If we are feeling more anxious, more fearful, or more down than normal. Are we taking care of our physical body? Have we allowed ourselves to work through any weeds in our minds? Are we spending time with others, in whatever manner works for us with the current state of the world? This is a classic case of what came first, the mental or physical ailments? Small changes in the things we can control have the power to make large changes in the things we cannot.

  I am one year older, but I feel multiple years wiser. I can only imagine this continues to get better as I continue to age.

  

  To anyone out there who feels paralyzed by fear, you are not alone. I challenge you to question the root cause of these feelings, and to filter out what is true and what is conditioned over years of imbalances. Say yes to something that scares you, tell someone how you feel about them, value your worth because you only get one shot at this thing called life.

  We can choose to stay stuck in the shadows, or we can learn to dance in the sun.

  Q: How do you deal with fear?

  

  | 32 Comments Tagged Anxiety, Fear, Hiking, Life, Mental Health

• Pushing Through

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on February 2, 2021

  I recently posted a photo on Instagram with a “deep” and somewhat recurring theme for me, something I alluded to in my previous post. The words are ones I have been mulling on for years, but just when I start to lean into these words I get up and run. Typically around the three month mark of being in my hometown, my restless soul is rearing up for another adventure, another escape, another opportunity to outrun my emotions.

  But this time I am still – immobile in the grand scheme of things.

  I realize the reason this theme is so constant for me is because it’s taken me nearly a decade to work through a myriad of life events. I start to dive deep, write a blog post about my feelings, and then I flee before the real work is done. If you’ve been around this space of the internet for a while, you’ll know I’ve shared similar struggles for what feels like lightyears, and I often feel like I am prattling with these posts, but what I wrote on Instagram encompasses what I’ve needed to do for quite some time…

  “Coming back to my hometown is always hard for me. There are emotions and experiences stuck in time here, and when I move away a small part of me is trying to escape them.

  I came back this time because I knew I needed to sit with these feelings, to grieve lost friendships and relationships, to allow myself to fall on my face without the nagging judgmental voice of my ego, and to figure out what I need in order to heal and move forward.

  All of these things are possible anywhere in the world, but I find when I’m off on adventures my focus is elsewhere. So here, in this town I can’t help but feel stagnant and stuck in, I find myself face to face with the same emotions I’m always trying to outrun.

  Call it growth, call it adulting, or simply call it burn out…but I’ve been allowing myself to feel so many things since moving back. It’s not easy, it’s certainly not fun, and there are plenty of times I want to jump in my car and drive far away, but I stay. I stay in these feelings because deep in my heart I know the only way out is through.”

  

  Despite my broken record like posts the last few years, something is different this time. This time I am not running away. I am doing “the work” no matter how uncomfortable it might be. I’ve officially reached the point of no return, and I cannot take this cycle anymore. It’s time to move forward. So I have been spending time with myself in isolation, while also challenging myself to be more social. I struggle with meeting new people, but I know these struggles stem from deep rooted fears most of us experience from childhood.

  I am not great at small talk, the superficial conversations make me uncomfortable and anxious.

  However, I know without these awkward initial engagements with other humans it’s nearly impossible to make friends. So often I dismiss a relationship before it even begins because I hold out for those rare people I click with immediately. I crave long, deep, vulnerable conversations with people who listen and who share parts of their brokenness few others have seen. I’ve only had a few of those people cross my path within the last decade, and as much as I wish all friendships could start this way I do believe some friendships flourish after time.

  Unless you’re an animal. I will forever be the introvert in the corner with the animals. 

  

  Side note: I bought my cat a handmade wool cat cave…and I feel great joy every time he goes inside.

  One of the reasons I chose my current job was because I knew it would be a place of comity, filled with people who like to hike, explore, bike, and whatever else we can get into outside. Despite the common interests in activities like hiking, I still feel anxious when committing to spending time with my coworkers outside of work. Typically when I decide to push myself out of my comfort zone I move across the country…or the world…but right now I am pushing myself to be more social close to home.

  Meeting new people is a crucial part of my healing journey, and it will be impossible for me to rewrite the narratives I have about myself without putting myself out there. 

  I recently went on two hikes with two separate groups of people from work, and both excursions were good not only for my mind and my body, but also for my soul. The first hike I embarked on was one I have done many times before. In fact this used to be one of my favorite solo hikes, making it somewhat ironic I decided to hike this with three other people. While I am not usually a fan of larger groups, having more than one “new” person makes it a bit less overwhelming for me.

  

  I am very picky with my friends, but once I feel comfortable with someone I am an open book. Truthfully I can be an open book right off the bat, if only someone shows a genuine interest. For so much of my life I have been around people who don’t show interest in what I have to say, or they listen just to reply. This has conditioned me to keep to myself, but it has also allowed me to appreciate those special souls I meet who want to hear what I have to say.

  This aversion to other humans is something I have struggled with since the endless gaslighting of a previous relationship, causing me to question everything about myself. 

  This old hike with new friends was a nice push for me to get outside and start breaking open my shell of introversion. The only way to become more comfortable with discomfort is to continue pushing through. Four days later, I agreed to another hike with three guys I work with. This adventure ended up being a full day – 12 miles through mud, snow, flooded trail sections, many downed trees, and it was a blast.

  

  I tend to get along with people of all ages, but I don’t have many friends my own age. I attribute this to the fact I continue to flounder in life while most people my age have “careers.” What I love about my job is the employees range from 18 all the way to late 60’s/70’s. The first group I hiked with I was the youngest, the second I was the oldest, and yet both times were enjoyable for different reasons.

  My soul tends to connect with fellow old souls, and I have discovered physical age has nothing to do with the age of our souls.

  

  As I continue to grow and push myself towards personal melioration I find comfort in the discomfort. Each time my throat tightens up before a night filled with tears, when my chest aches at the thought of a lost love, or when I let go of the obsessive control over my body and what I eat, I feel oddly comforted. I know in these times of pain there is a future of flourishing.

  How joyful we could be as humans if we only took the time to work through our brokenness.

  I’m writing this post to say I am in a place of comfortable discomfort. I don’t know if that makes sense, but despite the underlying anxiety I feel most days, I know I am where I’m meant to be at this moment in time. I am enjoying meeting new people, destroying the false narratives in my mind, and finally allowing moments of the past and present to work their way through my mind. It’s amazing what we can discover if we only take a moment to put away the distractions of life and press the pause button.

  

  So here’s to pushing through. Through the discomfort, through the sadness, through the joy, through the laughter, and through the pain. Being human is one wild ride, but what a blessing it is to have the freedom to explore who we are, and what we need. One step, one day, one minute at a time.

  Q: How are you taking time for yourself lately?

  

  | 23 Comments Tagged Hiking, Life, Reflection

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on December 29, 2020

  1. I have been struggling to write here for two months. Not because I don’t want to write, but rather everything I want to say feels a bit…heavy. I have instead been spewing these thoughts into my journal and avoiding this space. An Early Morning Confessions post feels an appropriate way to ease back into writing here, while sharing a bit of what’s been going on in my world.

  2. My anxiety lately has been through the roof. I have become quite good at accepting my emotions for what they are instead of trying to “fix” them, but right now I feel like I’m drowning. I am a firm believer that depression and anxiety are simply a way for our body to physically tell us something is out of alignment. I know moving back to my hometown is a large part of this anxiety, but for now I feel the need to sit with it.

  

  3. It has taken me years, and I mean YEARS to get to a place in my life where exercise is no longer a punishment for something I have eaten. I am not perfect in this, and I still have moments of “relapse” with the unhealthy way of thinking, but I have finally begun a morning routine that is almost strictly to manage my anxiety. It’s a wonderful place to be. I have been jogging, and after years of avoiding this activity because of my autoimmune disease it feels good.

  4. I am thankful for my job, and I work for an incredible company, but I grapple with my mind almost everyday before work. I am in an entirely new to me field, and the lack of intuitive knowledge I have makes me extremely uncomfortable. My perfectionism continues to literally kill me. Somehow over the years my ability to work with people has diminished. You would never know if you were to work with me, I am great at wearing a mask, but I long for a job that allows me to work more behind the scenes. Give me a task, and set me free to work on it…alone. 

  

  5. I have been back in Washington for three months, and I miss Germany every single day. The hardest part is that my life in Germany feels like a distant memory, like a foggy dream. I often feel like it never really happened. I didn’t expect to come “home” and talk about this experience 24/7, but I did expect to talk about it. I have talked very little about my life the last two years, and this has left a gaping hole in my soul. The worst part is that even if I were to talk about it, only someone who has experienced a similar cultural shift would truly understand. 

  6. I haven’t ridden my bike since October 20th. A combination of weather and the lack of places to ride near by have given me little to no motivation. I would give anything for one more day on those Bavarian bike paths…

  

  7. In January of 2014 I lost my menstrual cycle. It took me five years of obsessive reading, experimenting, and self discovery to finally put in the work and restore this problem. In December of 2019, after committing to eating more and gaining (a lot) of weight, my cycle returned. This month marks one FULL YEAR of healthy, clockwork consistent cycles. It hasn’t been easy, and my hormones have been WILD, but this process is showing me just how resilient I am.

  8. I bought an advent calendar from Starbucks back in the day, one that could be reused, any my mom refilled it this year. I had something to open everyday and it brought such joy to my days.

  

  9. One of the main reasons I decided to stay with my family for a bit was to finally take the time to be still. I needed to allow residual trauma to work its way though my body, find a therapist to have consistent conversations with, and discover what I truly want in my life. I do believe a lot of my anxiety and depression is stemming from this trauma moving around, but I haven’t been diligent in finding a therapist. While this is still an important part of my journey, sitting with the discomfort alone is also necessary. 

  10. Despite everything I have shared in this post, I am doing ok. I am blessed with an amazing family, I have a cat best friend who is glued to my hip, and I have faith that I will continue to walk through this season of life with my head held high. To feel pain is to be human, and running from these emotions only prolongs the healing process. I know a lot of us are struggling more than usual right now with all the chaos of the world, but I hope you find comfort in knowing you’re not alone.

  

  Q: What’s your confession?

  | 33 Comments Tagged Early Morning Confessions, Life, Little, Washington

• 88 Kilometers to Kochel (am See)

  Posted at 2:00 PM by Brittany, on June 1, 2020

  Last April I took a train to a lake in Bavaria I wanted to visit after seeing a photo of it online. Upon my arrival in Germany, I wanted a baseline knowledge of places near where I live that I could visit on a day off. I looked up “must see” places, and Kochel am See was on the list.

  Kochel is the name of the town, and “am See” is essentially saying “at the lake.”

  

  When I visited this lake for the first time last year, I hadn’t yet purchased my bike. It took me a couple more weeks to pull the trigger on my trust steed, an investment I originally struggled to make. As I have said time and time again – I cannot imagine my life in Germany without my bike.

  A short while after I bought Frosty (my bike) I had thoughts of what it would be like to bike to Kochel. It wasn’t close by any means, but it wasn’t so far that it was unattainable. I tucked the thought into the back of my mind for a looonnngg winter of cold and dreary weather.

  As soon as the brightness of spring started to come back, so too did my suppressed “stay down in the basement” thoughts of biking to Kochel. 

  

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to return to visit the lake, it was that the mileage (or kilometers if you’re not a behind the times American like me) intimidated me. The self doubt was running rampant in my mind spouting grawlix like phrases of negativity.

  I avoided the bike ride to Kochel, favoring closer/more comfortable distances instead. These shorter, but equally laudable rides were necessary for me to send my self sabotaging mindset to the gutter where it belonged. It was time to destroy the narrative I had created in my mind.

  

  I had two options with regard to biking to Kochel: I could go as far as comfortable and turn around (or worst case if for some reason my bike exploded or my leg got mauled by a rogue centaur, I could take a train home), or I could stay in my comfort zone telling myself “you can’t do it.”

  I decided to play my cards with the possibility of seeing a centaur. 

  

  I chose a day I knew would have sun, but when I started it was cold. Brutally cold. I wanted to turn around many times, until I made it to an area of the bike path I’d not been before. Something about new territory always sparks a flame in my brain similar to the adrenaline one might feel when lifting a car off of a horse.

  And by someone, I mean Superman. And by a horse, I mean anyone in distress. You get the idea. 

  As if planned, the moment I found a new to me bike path the sun came out. You can’t make this stuff up folks! My doubts were washed away, and I continued to tell myself “you can always turn around.” I know my personality, and I am stubborn as hell so turning around is usually not an option – but just telling myself it was (and believing it), was all I needed.

  

  The path to Kochel was beautiful, as all of the paths in Bavaria are, and I felt rejuvenated in my solitude riding through new to me locations. I made it to the lake and was feeling great (to the lake was about 25 miles, a distance I cover almost daily – so it was nothing new…yet.)

  I sat and enjoyed the view, savored a snack, and enjoyed the warm sun on my skin.

  Before biking back to Garmisch, I explored some of the surrounding areas as well. I was already there, and knew I likely wouldn’t be back so I wanted to see some other new to me places. I stopped by the town next door called Schlehdorf, to get a closer look at Cohaus Kloster Schlehdorf, aka the town monastery.

  

  I also rode a few extra miles to see another smaller, and much less impressive lake called Eichsee. 

  

  After Eichsee it was time to head home, so I settled into the two hour ride ahead. Overall I felt strong, and I felt good. It wasn’t until around mile 45 I started to slow down. I was about ten miles from home, so I took a break by the river and ate the rest of my snacks.

  I knew the remaining ten miles would be trance like, I had ridden them many times.  I zoned out in an attempt to make them less uncomfortable. 

  

  I made it home, and my total milage for the day was 54 miles, or 88 kilometers. I was elated. It wasn’t the distance, or the lake, or the day full of adventure that brought such a warmth to my heart, it was the proof that I AM MY OWN WORST CRITIC. I put this ride off for months because the distance intimidated me, I told myself it was too much for my body, when really I have all the tools to make this activity possible.

  The tools for me are different than the tools are for you, or for Sally, or Shaun. Life with an autoimmune disease is unpredictable and it takes attention to detail to make these goals a reality. Proper nutrition, proper hydration, proper rest, and a proper pace. These are boundaries we all have, they just vary person to person.

  

  Some days I wake up and I know right away a 55 mile bike ride (I rounded up) is not an option – and that’s ok, but what’s not ok is never trying because I assume my body can’t do something. What’s not ok is forgetting all the good days I have because I’m dwelling on the not so good (physically) days.

  The strength of your mind determined the quality of your life, and my life felt pretty high class after crushing this goal. The lake was not the goal for this day, the goal was to push myself further away from my black and white thinking, and to remind myself I don’t have to go fast – I just have to go. I’ll never know what I can do unless I try.

  It just so happened that this day was also my one year anniversary with Frosty. I think we celebrated well, don’t you? 🙂

  Q: Can you think of a time you surprised yourself with your capabilities?

  

  | 20 Comments Tagged Bavaria, Biking, Brittanys Life Abroad, Frosty, Kochel, Life

• Thoughts of an Over-Thinker

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on April 19, 2018

  I had a great trip to Alaska this past September with my dad. The goal of this trip was to grow closer, which I believe we did, as well as relish in the beauty of America’s largest state. On the last day of our trip we were sitting in a quaint local coffee shop enjoying breakfast and the black elixir of life, while savoring the final morning in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen.

  My dad enjoyed a large bowl of oatmeal, comparable to the size of the state, while I enjoyed a locally baked gluten free/vegan muffin. It was a weekday, and people were in the shop working busily on their laptops, or quickly coming in for a morning pick me up before heading into the office. There is a warmth of peace that washes over my soul when I am able to sit and savor my morning without rushing off somewhere.

  

  My 28th birthday, relaxing atop a mountain. Sitting, savoring, not rushing.

  Rushing isn’t really my style anyway, but that’s not the point of this story. As we exchanged some of our favorite highlights of the trip, we discussed a few more “serious” recaps as well. Things like “what do I want to do with my life” and “it’s OK not to know, but you have to do something.” You know, the typical stuff parents discuss with their children. While I thought by 29 I would “know what I want to do” the answer is that I still don’t. The difference now is that this no longer worry’s me.

  I no longer spend days ruminating in the self preconceived notion that there’s something wrong with me because I can’t decide on one “thing” I want to do with my life, or my time. 

  

  Aside from the decadent banana chocolate chip muffin I savored that beautiful morning in Alaska, there is another take away from the coffee date with my dad, one that we joke about to this day. When wrapping up the conversation, he looked at me square in the eyes and told me with as much love as possible that I have a commitment problem. While some might have been taken aback by a possibly brash comment, I laughed because this wasn’t news to me. I DO have a commitment problem, in many areas of my life.

  The concept of commitment makes me feel stuck, and my human instinct is to deflect these feelings by avoiding “seemingly” permanent decisions.

  

  Stuck – How my cat felt in this crate until I took the prison door off. Now he uses it as a fort.

  The truth is nothing is permanent, but my mind struggles to keep focus because there are SO many options available. What a beautiful world it is. When diving deeper into the why (something I do a lot) behind my lack of desire to commit to things in my life, I realized it’s not that I’m necessarily a commitment-phobe, but rather I’m an incessant over-thinker.

  I have the ability to overthink to the point of distress if I’m not careful, which is why it is so difficult for me to make decisions.

  If you take me to a bakery and tell me to choose one item, I will stand there for far longer than a non over-thinker because I cannot choose just one. If you give me five minutes of internet connection to post a photo on Instagram, I can’t do it because it takes me at least 20 minutes to think of what I want to write, and how I want to edit the photo. If you say something that hurt my feelings I will over analyze what you’ve said long after the comment was made.

  

  Old photo of a trip to a donut shop. Because choosing one is torture.

  

  Yup…same trip as above. And there was an already annihilated apple fritter. I’m confident non-over thinkers often get 8 donuts for themselves in one shot too…

  If you give me a lot of information at once, I’m likely to feel slightly overwhelmed because I need more time to process and understand, and if I don’t fully understand something I get uncomfortable. If you tell me “you have an autoimmune disease” I will obsessively try to find out why, and how to “fix” it because my mind struggles to shut itself off when things go awry. If I have to have a serious conversation with someone I replay the words in my head over. and over. and over again. Tell me to pick a college major and it will take me ten years, and five changes before I graduate with something totally unrelated to the first four ideas.

  While a lot of these tendencies of mine are a burden in some ways, there are plenty of positives to being an over-thinker. My preparation for most activities likely considers multiple outcomes, and I plan for them all. My relationships are strong because I’m extremely self aware and have the ability to calmly approach situations. My attention to detail is so strong I sometimes drive myself mad when things aren’t done to my standards. Likely my favorite of them all is my creativity, I can’t paint a sunset to save my skin, but I can write a damn good blog post.

  

  NOSTALGIA TO THE MAX. My first blog layout circa 2013.

  All of this is to say that those of you out there who struggle to make commitments, I understand you. Those of you out there who do not struggle with over-thinking, be mindful of those of us that do. Making decisions is one of the biggest hurdles I leap over, and I’m well aware that this is something I will constantly be working on. While I don’t think it’s smart to just roll over and never commit to things in life, I am more patient with myself when big decisions need to be made.

  As for “what do I want to do with my life” I think I’ve realized I want to do many things. I want to travel, I want to learn how to farm, I want to live in multiple states, I want to find a job that allows me to be flexible, I want to become a millionaire, I want to spend more time with my family, and I want to pick up skills from each “job” I work that will help catalyze me into the next chapter of life. Running away from discomfort is not the answer, but I’ve realized sometimes it’s OK not to commit. As long as it satisfy my lifestyle then everything is groovy.

  On that note, I’m off to spend far too many hours mulling over which new hiking boots to buy. Praise Jesus for REI’s return policy. Helping over-thinkers like me since 1938.

  Q: Do you ever struggle with over-thinking?

   

  

  | 40 Comments Tagged Alaska, College, Life, Over-Thinker

• Success for Less – an Individualistic Approach

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on March 26, 2018

  I’ve just finished an hour long walk through my favorite forest, which means my inspiration and desire to create is through the roof. Lately I’ve had this overwhelming itch to write, to create, to connect. This space has always been my first line of defense against whatever ailment plagues my mind, and although the last few years have been a valley of thoughts, I feel like I’m starting to see the peak.

  It’s uncomfortable yet necessary to have the valleys in life, without these we will never experience the peaks. 

  

  I’m coming upon a new season in my life, one that I’ve been not so patiently waiting for. It’s been a long, unclear, and uncomfortable season for me the last few years, but as most say when they feel the end coming: I don’t regret any of it. I’ve discovered who I am as a person, what I’m capable of, and how resilient I am. I’ve also learned that when I feel stuck the best answer for me is to change something.

  Key words: for me.

  My mom claims a lack of responsibility to “stick things out” is a millennial thing. She doesn’t mean anything negative by this per se, but I always play devils advocate because my belief is that us “millennial’s” move around more often in life because we’re not afraid of chasing our dreams. We’re not afraid to break out of the mold we never fit into in the first place. I know in my soul when something doesn’t feel right, and those feelings manifest in other ways when I don’t listen.

  

  The awesome thing about all of this is that when we listen and take the time to learn about ourselves, we have the ability to discover what we need. Needless to say I’ve had a lot of self discovery the last few years. One of my daily focuses these days is minimizing as much stress as possible. For as long as I can remember I’ve felt stressed and anxious when it comes to “excess.” Friends and family often don’t take me serious when I tell them, “please no gifts” for holidays and birthdays, but most of the time those gifts I receive are donated or re-gifted. I don’t do this to be inconsiderate, but I don’t want more than I truly need.

  Living with less gives me so much more. 

  I go through spurts of minimizing my already minimal belongings, and I’ve been on a big downsizing kick lately. I’ve downsized to only clothing I wear or have worn within the last month, because how many shirts can I actually wear at once. I sold my iWatch, because the constant connection was draining and I wanted to be more intentional with my focus. I gave away jewelry because let’s be real, I don’t wear jewelry. I threw away my mascara because I haven’t worn makeup in months.

  The list goes on…(I sold 11 thing on eBay and have raked in over $770 so far.)

  

  Literally all I use for “beauty.”

  What I gain each time I minimize is a sense of freedom. Freedom from belongings that bring me no value or joy, but just take up space physically and mentally. I’m a simple gal, with simple taste. I dress in dark neutral colors because it makes getting dressed in the morning effortless. I only wear things I feel truly comfortable and confident in because life is stressful enough without adding the pressure of “what will I wear today?”

  I’ve always had this mindset tucked deep in the back of my mind, but it wasn’t until the last few years I began to embrace this about myself. Sometimes it takes walking through a valley to reorganize your life and pay attention to what is important to you. Everything else has a way of fading into the background. As a teenager I cared about what people thought of me much too often, but as a “one year shy of 30 millennial” I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been.

  One of the perks of our 20’s, they truly are about self discovery. 

  

  Be the one orange leaf in a sea of green.

  I’m well aware a minimalist lifestyle is not for everyone, but I do think everyone could benefit from consuming less in life. We live in a world where debt is at an all time high, we’re encouraged that if we don’t have the money for it to put in on our tab, when really if we don’t have the money for it then we cannot afford it. I struggle with understanding this mindset, because to me it’s always been obvious – if I can’t pay for it with cash, I can’t buy it.

  End of story. 

  Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I hope to see a day where we as consumers take control over our lives, and stop letting society influence us on what we consume. Do you really need that $80k car? Do you really need those $500 sunglasses? Or how about that five bedroom house that you’ll be paying off until you die when it’s just you and one other person living in it? Success is too often equated with money, and items, and the more you own the more successful you are, but is that really the truth?

  There’s nothing inherently wrong with having “stuff” if you truly find endless joy in something, but to know the different between a quick fix and true joy takes diving deep into our intentions.

  

  Success to me is a loving and healthy network of people, the ability to travel and learn about new cultures, the ability to have enough to get by right now, and enough to get by in the future (yes, I have a 401K and a Roth IRA) without the stress of needing a high paying job to pay for my lifestyle. My idea of success might be different than yours, and that’s OK, but I believe if you’re buying just to buy there’s likely a void in your life you’re trying to fill.

  Once the joy from the new toy fades, we’re left with the same discontentment. We’re left feeling lost, like being a tourist in a big city.

  

  This isn’t to say we should never buy things, I fully support when items bring true joy to our lives and will be used over and over. It’s the excess that acts as a coverup. The beauty of the world we live in is that we’re all entitled to our own opinions and ways of life, I won’t judge you for your consumption, but I also won’t pussyfoot around the destruction that can accompany a lifestyle riddled with excess.

  The goal is not to be perfect, the goal is to be aware. I have my moments of desire to purchase things I likely do not need, but being aware helps keep me on track with my values. How much of your stuff is cluttering your life, blocking the space of something you truly need? Blocking your desire to travel, to connect, to inspire?

  I love connecting with like minded individuals, either in real life, or through podcasts, social media, and books.

  

  This goes for other consumption as well. I don’t struggle with material possessions, but I do have two areas I need to be consciously aware of: food, and social media. I can easily get lost in a bag of cookies if I don’t eat with intent, and social media is a rabbit hole I’ve hopped down too many times to count. I recently deactivated my personal Facebook, and spent a week without Instagram on my phone because I was over-consuming both.

  Momentarily stepping away is all it takes for me to remember why I use social media: to connect, not to pass time when I could be doing something more productive.

  With all things in life there’s a balance. Consumption isn’t satanic, and living with less doesn’t make you above everyone else. I’m not telling you you’re a bad person if you buy a lot of things, and social media can be a great tool when used correctly. My goal with this post is to encourage and inspire those reading to listen to their hearts and stop letting others influence the way they live.

  

  This is not to confused with avoiding quality. I spend more on items I know I’ll use more. I once had a pair of Birkenstocks last for ten years. I have a pair at all times.

  For years I lived my life based on how someone else told me I should, and all that got me was a life full of stress, a mind full of discontent, a body overcome by disease, and a soul stifled with stagnation. It’s amazing how quickly things can change for the better when we start to live our truth. Our truth – everyone is unique.

  As always, when I pour my soul onto the virtual pages of this blog – I feel uplifted, relieved, renewed.

  To end I leave you with this – think about what success means to you. You don’t have to minimize to feel success. If you wan’t success to equal money then more power to you, but I’d argue most of us want more out of this life. Our truth is constantly changing, don’t be afraid to redirect multiple times. This is just one of my examples of success (I have many,) and yours will likely look different, but that’s what makes us all beautifully human. We get to write our own stories, no one else.

  Q: How do you define success?

  

  | 42 Comments Tagged Grand Forest, Life, Minimalist

• Onward

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on March 8, 2018

  I’ve noticed a pattern with my blogging. When I’m deep in the throes of school, I’m mostly MIA on this space. My brain becomes so convoluted with information I don’t ever plan to use that any and all creative juices are sucked up through a straw with a hole the size of Alaska. That makes for quick loss of creative juice.

  

  The good news is, I am down to my last class. Like…the last one…ever. I really never wanted to go to college, and to be honest with you I don’t know if I’ll ever want a job that requires a college degree, but I finally settled on a BS in human communication. We all have to communicate, regardless of what we do for work.

  Plus, Starbucks is footing the bill and I couldn’t really turn down a free bachelors degree. If you have an end goal I think college is great, but if you don’t, I think it can be a death trap for years of financial burden. 

  I’m a big believer that college isn’t for everyone, but I’m glad it’s finally almost over. I’ll never have that “I wonder if” problem about finishing, but the only reason I started was because I felt like my parents wanted me to. I have to admit this was the worst possible time for me to finish college and the amount of stress I felt from my classes as well as from managing my health literally had me on the floor in a ball more times than not.

  

  Thankfully I’m a stubborn individual, and I refuse to take “this is your life now” for an answer. This is mostly the case for my autoimmune issues, which I don’t talk about much on the blog, but the thoughts of my body take up a large majority of my brain space. The sad reality is that most people think once they’re labeled as having an autoimmune disease, or any disease for that matter, they assume that’s it.

  They assume this is life now, bring on the cocktail of drugs to manage this new life.

  I don’t believe that, not for one second, no matter how many doctors seem to believe this. I believe autoimmune diseases are caused by excess inflammation in the body, for such extended periods of time that the immune system can no longer keep up in trying to put out the inflammatory flames. The goal is to find the source of this inflammation, whether it’s food, stress, toxins, parasites, or a combination of multiple things, and remove the triggers.

  

  I’m thankful for my stubborn mind because it will allow me to gain my health back in full one day, of this I’m certain. It’s not an easy road, but it’s a road that will be worth the effort (just like these snowy hike photos from my birthday last month.) I used to be notorious for quitting when things got hard, which is why it’s taken me 11 years since I graduated high school to finally graduate college, but this time I didn’t quit. I wanted to quit many times, because I don’t handle my stress well. I switched my major four times, and regret nothing.

  I’m certain stress was one of my main triggers for pushing my body over the edge, but patience is my best friend in calming the inflammatory fires.

  I refuse to quit the path of naturally healing my body through lifestyle changes, and it’s powerful knowing I have control over my outcome. I can taste the freedom that accompanies no longer having to read another textbook on a topic I have no interest in. I have a good sense of when to quit something because it’s no longer serving me, and when to quit something because I’m letting stress take over. It’s important for me to know the difference.

  

  I can also taste the freedom that comes from no longer handcrafting espresso beverages at Starbucks. I have two months left with Starbucks before I move onto my next adventure, and it’s a bittersweet goodbye. Five years ago I started slaving for the siren with no goal other than to busy my days and busy my mind after a painfully ugly breakup. Starbucks quite literally saved me when I needed saving, and because of that I will always have a soft spot for this chapter in my life.

  Plus, the solid 401K and free bachelors degree they’ve given me aren’t so bad either.

  From retail, to corporate, and back to retail I can confidently say my time with Starbucks has come to an end. I’ve become both comfortable and stagnant with where I’m at in life which means it’s time for a change. The stress that accompanies a job like mine is stress I can no longer afford to tax my body with. Although I’m sad to say goodbye I’m also ready to spread my wings and fly.

  

  One of the few classes I enjoyed taking during my time with ASU was an elective class (aren’t those the only ones most of us enjoy?) called Wilderness and Parks in America. I learned a great deal about the history of our national parks, and developed a desire to see as many as possible, including the first ever national park – Yellowstone.

  SO, I snagged a summer job at Yellowstone this May-October.

  I’ve never been to Yellowstone, nor any of the states that Yellowstone resides in (the majority of the part resides in Wyoming, but 3% of the park is in Montana and 1% is in Idaho.) After my recent trip to Alaska I fell in love with the idea of seasonal work in locations that allowed me to live a lifestyle I enjoy, and to be outdoors exploring as often as possible.

  

  I’m both excited and apprehensive about this adventure. My safety zone (my kitchen) will not be available to me, and I will have to learn how to navigate eating foods outside of my small circle of what is and is not helpful to my body. I’m confident that being in a new environment with new friends, and new hiking trails will continue to project me forward.

  I’m already daydreaming about all the people I will meet, both coworkers and visitors of the park. 

  It’s no secret I’m a bit of a nomad, being in one place makes me feel stuck and weighed down, so this concept of seasonal work is something I’m chasing after right now. I don’t know what’s next after Yellowstone, and yet ironically this upcoming adventure has brought me more peace than I ever felt working a steady job the last five years.

  

  Not everyone is made for the 9-5 lifestyle and that’s OK. What’s not OK is waking up each morning and dreading the day ahead of you. This life is a gift and we only get one, so we might as well live it doing things we enjoy. Thankfully I’m a simple girl, with a simple lifestyle, and I can afford to run off to different states living the life I manifest for myself.

  Our bodies talk to us in many ways, and mine has been telling me it’s time for a change for a while now. The next two months I will continue to seek out my triggers for inflammation, continue to work through my stress, and finish college strong. Two weeks after I graduate I head to Yellowstone, and one week after Yellowstone I head to Scotland.

  Only we can create a life worth living for ourselves. It’s going to be a good year. Onward.

  

  Q: Tell me about your educational path, and what you do for work.

  

  | 62 Comments Tagged Alfred, ASU, Autoimmune Disease, Life, Starbucks

• Humbled and Thankful

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on January 3, 2018

  In my last post I briefly shared about an unexpected emergency surgery my cat was undergoing, as well as my impromptu decision to create a GoFundMe account. Within less than 24 hours I was given hundreds of dollars towards a lofty goal, more than I ever expected when I created the account. Friends and strangers donated in multiple increments coming together proving that no amount was too small.

  

  Each donation I received brought tears to my eyes, some from friends, some from strangers. This process happened so quickly, and has permanently changed a piece of my heart in a way I never imagined possible in such a short period of time. The generosity of giving and helping with my cat, while unplanned and not ideal, has shown me how powerful we as a species can be when we come together.

  This season is known for gifts and giving, but when the gifts are this monumental, they can change hearts.

  

  I spent a lot of 2017 with my focus inward. I continued to struggle with my health, and with finding my voice in the world. I spent far too many days with my arrows pointing in when they should have been pointing out. What we focus on continues to manifest, and I can guarantee that my focus on healing while helpful at times, caused more mental turmoil than necessary.

  What if I had spent more time stopping to smell the roses?

  

  I don’t claim to be perfect, but I don’t feel that I’m selfish. With the recent events regarding my cat I am inspired to turn this situation into something good. The inspiration I feel from the love and support I’ve been given has been humbling in so many ways, and while I am not a fan of new year resolutions, I can tell you I have an unexpected outlook on 2018.

  This year it’s time to make a plan that focuses on other people.

  

  This year I plan to spend less time focusing on myself, and more time focusing on others. So much of my life has passed me by the last three years because my obsessions and thoughts were elsewhere when I should have been present in the moment. How sad would it be to come face to face with death, and regret living a life where most of your time was spent inside the bubble of your own mind.

  Dark thought, but necessary thought. 

  

  How many times do we read story after story about the healing power of helping others? How many times do we experience these healing moments, and quickly forget about them when problems arise? In the past I escaped to the woods when times got hard, or I would isolate myself, but what would happen if I challenged myself to help someone else when I was feeling low?

  This can be as simple as giving someone my time, and being truly present in the moment.

  

  My cat was given 12 hours to live if he didn’t make it to a specialist. The total cost for the procedure and multiple emergency rooms he visited was thousands of dollars. If we chose not to pay, he would have needed to be euthanized. I could never place a price tag on my family members, and my pets are my family.

  The emotional scar I would have been given if I took his life prematurely was a burden I chose not to carry.

  It’s been six months since I said goodbye to my 20 yr old cat, I wasn’t ready to say another goodbye. I spent a good amount of money on my last cat before we had to send him over the rainbow bridge, but we did all that we could and I don’t regret a single penny spent. Having a pet is a commitment I feel should not be taken lightly, and not doing all that I can is never an option.

   I don’t expect to get anywhere near my goal, but every penny I’ve been given was a penny more than I expected. 

  

  What is life worth if we don’t have others around to enjoy it with? No price tag is too large when it comes to love and life. Money is variable, and it can always be remade, but life can never be given back. Not to our pets, and not to ourselves. I cannot thank those that donated enough, not just because it helps financially, but because of the emotional hug it gave me.

  I’ve never felt so loved, and this was the perfect reminder for me to focus my energy on other people.

  Sometimes others need our help or our attention when it’s not convenient, like an emergency vet clinic that’s open on a holiday, but these are the times when help is most appreciated. This new year I don’t plan to neglect myself, because doing so would jeopardize others, but I plan to better myself for different reasons. I need to better myself in order to fully show up for other people.

  A simple change in perspective was all I needed. A reflection of how I’ve been living the last year.

  

  I plan to do my part to pay it forward once the dust has settled with my current situation. The thought of bringing the unbelievable joy I feel from each donation is a feeling I want to share with as many people as possible. Sometimes all we need is to know that someone cares, and that someone is listening.

  Going into the new year I leave you with this – ask yourself what would happen if you made small changes to turn your arrows outward.

  In a world that is so convoluted with hatred, my heart is full of abundant love receiving such unexpected generosity. Prayers for recovery are welcomed and appreciated as he continues to heal. To some he’s “just a cat,” but he has saved me from so many heartaches in life, it was time for me to save him.

  Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. 

  

  | 32 Comments Tagged Cat, Life, New Year

• Lake Angeles

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on August 29, 2017

  I used to be extremely active. One season of my life I was training for my third half marathon while completing the Insanity DVD’s, and this was completely normal for me. I was never not doing something intense. Then I lost my period, and it would take another few years for me to realize perhaps it’s time to take things down a notch.

  

  Don’t get me wrong, I love the euphoria that comes from an extreme cardio session, but my body has been trying to tell me to take it down a few notches and I’ve chosen not to listen. It amazes me how loud and clear our bodies will communicate to us if we listen, the problem is that we’re usually so focused on other things we don’t hear the warning signs.

  The go go go mentality comes into play for me whenever I go for a hike as well, the mountain has to be bigger and badder than the one before or I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much. The mountains aren’t close to me, so I’ve always had a certain rule when choosing trails.

  

  I LOL’d at this sign, if you look closely next to the 3.7 someone wrote “More like 5.”

  My rule is that when it comes to a hike, I need the time spent on the trail to be longer than the time it took to drive there. On average, it takes me about two hours to get to a good hike meaning the actual hike will ideally take 3 hours or more. This means the trail needs to be at least 7 miles RT or more. 

  I realize how ridiculous this all sounds. I can’t say all my marbles are straight, but I’m actively working on pushing them closer together in a somewhat uniformed line. I don’t hike as much these days in an attempt to re-balance my body (still no consistent periods, but I feel we’re getting closer) and I really don’t enjoy running so that had to go too, but if I find a friend to tag along on a hike I’ll go.

  

  Before setting off to conquer Lake Angeles, I found myself slipping into old habits. Originally when my friend asked if I wanted to go for a hike, I got onto the Washington Trails website to find a big and bad hike to conquer. I must also mention I’m not at all in the shape I was when I was running half marathons and doing Insanity, meaning big bad hikes are more painful than enjoyable these days.

  

  I originally chose a different trail to explore. Higher elevation, and longer distance. Because, why not. I woke up at 3am the morning of the hike with a lump in my stomach telling me this was not the trail I wanted. I was dreading the adventure, and that’s no fun. I remembered that I’m trying to respect my body and not destroy it, and made the change to Lake Angeles last minute.

  At 7.4 miles RT with an elevation gain of 2350′ this was more than enough. It kicked my out of shape butt in all the right ways. This also happened to be the week that Washington was hit with a shitton of smoke that was pushed our way from the BC wildfires, as you can see in all of these photos, so taking it easy was ideal.

  The smoke gave me terrible headaches. I can’t imagine what it was like in Canada. 

  

  The point of this post is to remind me, and to encourage you to listen to our bodies. When things are out of balance it’s for a reason and the only way to know is to slow down and listen. It’s a challenge for those of us with obsessions or addictions to certain lifestyles, but without challenges we will never grow.

  We are constantly bombarded with people telling us that we are lazy if we don’t want to workout, or unhealthy if we want to eat the cake, but at the end of the day only you know what’s best for your body and soul. For too long I told myself I was lazy if I didn’t go for a run, or climb a bigger mountain, but you can only force something for so long before the joy is zapped from it.

  

  Hiking is meant to bring peace and calming (with some blood flow) and satisfy my urge for exploration. It shouldn’t be just a way to sweat. I’m reminding myself to stop and smell the roses, not just view them from the top. Hiking is so much more enjoyable when you savor the journey, and it just so happens this is a metaphor for life too.

  Rest if your body tells you to rest, move if your body tells you to move, eat the cake if your soul tells you to eat the cake, or avoid the cake if your body tells you the sugar is not working for you. Listen to your body, it’s smarter than any media article or science guru combined. The key is learning what to listen for.

  

  Life is not about perfection, all we can do is strive to improve who we are today from who we were yesterday. Just be sure to give yourself grace along the way. 

  Q: What activities are you not enjoying lately that you used to love? For me it’s running. So now I bike!

  

  | 62 Comments Tagged Hike, Lake Angeles, Life, Mountain, PNW

• Isolation

  Posted at 12:30 PM by Brittany, on August 4, 2017

  When I was a wee little lass, I never liked to be alone. I know, I know…those that know me would tell you otherwise. I thrive on solo adventures, I prefer being alone, and I’ve become an expert on isolation.

  Younger Brittany felt anxious being in public without a friend by her side. Heaven forbid someone see’s her alone, and thinks she has no friends. Heaven forbid someone tries to talk to her without the buffer of another human being to act as a deterrent. Younger Brittany wouldn’t dare to go on adventures by her self.

  If others couldn’t go, neither would she. 

  

  Solo bike ride.

  Then one day, a little over four years ago this all changed. Gone was the girl that needed a friend to go to the movies, gone was the girl that needed a guy to feel complete, gone was the girl that did anything and everything “with someone else.” Most importantly – gone was the girl that put her life desires on hold because no one else wanted to do the same things she did.

  Taking time to learn how to do things alone is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, until that gift has the opposite affect and you get uncomfortable being around other people. Human beings are social, and we were meant to be with others.

  As with anything in life having a healthy balance of isolation and connections is key. 

  

  Solo hike.

  It occurred to me a few weeks ago while I was on the above photographed solo hike, that I no longer thrive off of hiking alone all the time. I no longer prefer going on every adventure alone, and I am craving human connections like never before. I am constantly in awe of the human body, and when one aspect of our constantly working internal makeup is out of whack, the rest crumbles with it.

  

  Solo ferry ride. 05:20. Who can spot the moon?

  I’m also in awe of the fact that when we do not follow our hearts true desires, life starts to get difficult. Two years ago I made a transition with my job that I felt was “the right thing to do.” I hated what I was doing and almost instantly my health started to crumble. A year later I made another transition that I felt I should do, but didn’t really want to do and my health not only didn’t get better, it worsened.

  It was in these moments that I started isolating more, and more, and more. 

  

  Last week I left my job in corporate America and transitioned back to working in a cafe for Starbucks. I took two steps backwards while most people strive to take one step forward in any job transition. I knew in my heart this job was not right for me, nor was any other position within those walls. So I stuffed the voices from society, and went back to stage one.

  The key factor in this transition is that making coffee and connecting with people makes me happy. I won’t be a barista forever, but while I finish my last 9 months of school this is the right fit. More importantly this is what my heart was telling me to do.

  This is what my heart was telling me to do for two years, but I ignored it. 

  

  Book reading cats always listen to their hearts.

  So here I am, 28 years old, still in college, and working as a barista at Starbucks. And you know what? It feels right. I feel calm, and I feel happy. My lifestyle needs a job with flexibility, my lifestyle needs a job that allows for last minute travel, my lifestyle needs a job that has me moving non stop.

  Life is not a template created by society that has a one size fits all tag, so why is it that so many of us care about how we are perceived if we are doing things we’ve labeled as not good enough? I isolated myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough, and cared too much what others thought for far too long. I’m here to tell you that shit is exhausting, and in the end the only person you’re going to effect is yourself.

  

  NON solo hike

  

  I’m actively spending time with others again, but in all honesty it was hard to surround myself with people when physically I never felt well. It’s also hard to find quality friends as you get older, but no excuses. With a stronger grasp on dietary tweaks, and relief of job related stress I’m confident I’m on the right path.

  I still very much enjoy being alone, but I’m finding the balance between solo time and time with others. Working in a cafe is not about making money for me right now (plus, I get paid more as a caregiver through WA state) it’s about making connections, meeting people, and allowing myself to thrive as a human being.

  

  LAST DAY AT CORPORATE. So happy.

  

  Blog BFF’s

  The point of all this is to challenge and inspire those that read this to take an inward look at your life. Are you happy? I mean truly happy. Is there something that you could be doing that would make you happier, but you feel like you shouldn’t do it because you fear what others would think? Are you also experiencing health problems?

  The mind body connection is strong my friends, and when your mind is toxic with fear and unhappiness your body will suffer the consequences. Stop living your life for other people, be selfish. You only get one, might as well enjoy the ride!

  Oh, and we only get one planet so throw away your damn trash! 

  

  One of TWO trash hauls within a 15 minute walk. Shame.

  Q: Did you know that those with a strong circle of healthy relationships live longer than those who don’t? Are you living an authentic life?

  

   

  | 51 Comments Tagged Life, Starbucks

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