Author Archives: Brittany

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on April 19, 2022

  1. Long time no talk. How about a “what’s new” Early Morning Confessions style post? For starters I got a new bike. I actually got a new mountain bike, but then realized I don’t like mountain biking much. I like forest service roads, and I like long distances through designated trails, but I don’t like single tracks.

  Thankfully I bought the bike at REI, and they have a fantastic return policy. So I returned this bike, and bought a new gravel bike instead. Oh, and I also had to order them both online. It’s hard to buy a bike online! The first bike was too big for me, but thankfully my new gravel gal is just right.

  My longest distance with her at one time thus far has been 20 miles. Our love affair is a slow build, as I am still getting used to drop handle bars.

  

  2. Duncan got a new bike too. Same story. Bought a mtn bike, and changed to gravel. We now have the same exact bike. I made sure we got different pedals though, we can’t be exactly the same after all. I now have three bikes, and I officially understand the n+1 problem when it comes to owning bikes…

  3. Speaking of Duncan, he and I went to a cat cafe recently and it was so unbelievably enjoyable. I’ve been wanting to do something like that for a while now, and we started small with a cafe close-ish to home. Seattle has a few bigger cafes we might visit in time, but Catffeinated was a great intro.

  

  4. I have been an absolute tornado in the kitchen the last month. Winter blues always bite me in the backside causing me to feel temptations I don’t normally feel during the warmer months, but it’s worse when I start to feel stagnant. I know this about myself – I start feeling a need for change and when I don’t make a change my brain starts to allow my body to take less care of itself.

  5. Case in point.

  

  6. Legendary Doughnuts was visited after the cat cafe, and inhibitions were down after an hour of kitty time. Duncan bought a dozen doughnuts and I decided to YOLO that day. What I am about to say next will be shocking, so brace yourself.

  We ate all but maybe 2 donuts in one day. ALL OF THEM.

  I know I need to go easy on myself when these splurges happen, but it can be hard to completely let go of food anxiety. At the end of the day I do not regret consuming my body weight in gluten filled pillows of sugar heaven, but it did take me 48 hours to feel like I could function normally. The joy’s of a 30 something with food sensitivities.

  7. Despite my tornado like behavior, I think my consistent activity helps to thwart any drastic changes to my body after these caloric surpluses. Hiking and biking are my best of friends. And Duncan, he is my best of friend too.

  

  

  8. At the end of March I had the stomach flu for 24 hours, and it was the most brutal experience I have endured in a very long time. I would rather have Covid again, than to ever puke for 8 hours straight. The lingering effects lasted for a few days, but I am thankful I didn’t have weeks of recovery like some do.

  9. I have the itch to work a seasonal job again, somewhere in the deep heart of Alaska, or Wyoming. I am not entirely against this idea, but I also have the itch to build a tiny little life in a tiny little space in a tiny little town with my tiny little cat in a tiny little hat.

  

  10. One week from today, Duncan and I will have been dating for a year. I am flabbergasted by this, for so many reasons. Perhaps I will write a post dedicated to Duncan and I, and some of our back story, but for now I say this – I am beyond blessed to have someone like him in my life. Swoon.

  Q: What’s your confession?

  

  | 32 Comments Tagged Biking, Duncan, Early Morning Confessions, Hiking

• Birthentines Day

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on March 3, 2022

  I was born on the 15th of February, one day after the consumeristic holiday known as Valentines Day. As a wee lass, I loved the back to back celebrations. In elementary school this meant a day of Halloween like trick or treating around the classroom giving valentines to my classmates, followed by a day of cupcakes for the class courtesy of my mom.

  Any excuse to cut math short was a good excuse…

  As I got older the traditions continued – a box of chocolate from my mom or from adolescent relationships, followed by a day of celebrating all things Brittany’s life. Now as I inch myself closer and closer to middle age, I find the concept of keeping these two days exclusive a bit…much. Who needs that much sugar after they hit 30?

  

  Don’t get me wrong, I love a good excuse to make a nice meal with a special someone, and this was the first time in eight years I had that special someone. Duncan asked what I wanted to do for Valentines Day, and we both decided on a salmon and Brussels sprout feast. I’m not into expensive flowers, jewelry, or whatever else has been marketed to women, but I did buy Duncan the above succulent from Trader Joe’s.

  I’m one of minimalistic taste, and that white pot with the tiny heart sold me immediately.

  

  For my birthday we ventured towards North Bend for a hike I had done many, many times. In fact I hiked here on my 28th birthday as well. My how time flies. I was hopeful the weather would cooperate, but the higher we got the colder we felt. The rain started to fall as we reached the viewless summit, and my plans of eating a muffin at the top quickly blew away with the chilly wind.

  I had hoped to show Duncan the amazing view from the top, but it was just too cloudy and cold. We decided to make haste and get out of the clouds. I’m thankful he was such a trooper and willing to hike with me in the cold rain. I like doing something adventurous on my birthday, typically a nice hike, and this was a lovely adventure.

  

  Perhaps because I didn’t sleep well, perhaps because of lingering Covid fatigue, or perhaps because I am now one year closer to death, I found myself more tired than anticipated after this hike. Duncan and I were lights out at 1800. How far I have come from the days I enjoyed staying out until all hours of the morning on my birthday…

  With the two days of extra chocolate concluded, Duncan coined the 14th and 15th as Birthentines Day. I quite enjoy the sound of that.

  

  I may or may not have had this balloon sticking out of my hiking pack… (I did.) I did have this balloon sticking out of my pack, and a girl passed us excitedly wishing me a HBD. It’s the little things.

  Q: Do you have a birthday close to another holiday? I will hardly consider Valentines Day as a holiday, but it’s as close as I will ever get.

  

  | 17 Comments Tagged Birthday, Hiking, PNW, Valentines day

• Light at the End

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on February 22, 2022

  The weather in Washington the last few weeks has been a reprieve among reprieves. As I write this the sun is bright and the birds are loud. I cannot fully explain what I feel when I hear the birds start to sing in the morning for the first time after winter (or in this case during winter), but it is a magical moment that takes up a unique space in my soul.

  Don’t get me wrong, by the time the sun starts to rise at 0500 and the birds are screaming while I’m sleeping, the magic is gone. Alas, for now I enjoy.

  The days are slowly getting longer and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This winter was brutal and I am more than ready to say goodbye. Most days I don’t know if what I am feeling is winter related, lingering Covid fatigue, or my general malaise. It’s a weird place to be physically. Despite feeling a little slower than “normal” I am still enjoying going outside.

  

  One of my favorite activities is walking. I could walk for hours and hours through thick trees, bustling towns, or quiet country roads. I receive a great amount of joy after going for a walk, and I am thankful to have a partner who knows this about me. Duncan accompanies me on walks even when he might not love going for them quite like I do.

  The beauty of a healthy relationship, something that was foreign to me until I met Duncan, is that we don’t always do the things we enjoy. We compromise because we know it makes our partners happy, and vice versa. For me, I don’t love all of Duncan’s hobbies either, but I enjoy trying to learn about them because the joy I see on his face when he talks about them brings me genuine joy too.

  

  We didn’t always have an easy time with this balance, it took time and lots of communication. I think communication and compromise are the backbones of a relationship and I thank God I found someone who agrees with me on this. I suppose this post is an appreciation post of sorts, appreciation for the uplifting weather, and for the person who will embark with me on many adventures to come.

  

  With the nicer weather I am hoping and planning to get outside for one fun activity a week. Either a weekly hike, bike ride, or a walk through the woods. Some weeks I have limited energy and a walk through the woods is more than enough. I am finding that although I am a month and a half post Covid, I still get fatigued quicker, and some days I feel like I am in a constant flare.

  I’m hoping by spring my energy is back to homeostasis. One day at a time.

  Q: Anyone else ready for spring?

  

  | 28 Comments

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on February 2, 2022

  1. I have been longing to sit and write for weeks, but I haven’t been able to get the words onto this page. I can’t seem to coherently form a proper post, therefor I am going to put my thoughts into an EMC post. This feels like the easiest way for me to word vomit back into blog land after being gone for a month and a half.

  2. I’ve been feeling incredibly “off” lately. Typical winter blues you could say, but pair this with the Brittany typical “what’s next” and you’ve got yourself an anxiety cocktail fit for a king. It started with a week of being housebound after a big snowfall giving me too much down time. Ohhh how I loathe down time.

  Winter is meant to be a time of reflection, and a time of pause. I try to remind myself this when I feel like I should be doing more. The stalemates I suspect a lot of us are feeling are completely normal this time of year. Soon enough the spring flowers will bloom, and the birds will sing.

  Until then, I hope to honor this season for what it is.

  

  3. I have amazing coworkers who helped me get to work after the snow hit, and I am incredibly thankful for people like them in my life. At the same time, I am feeling wildly out of place around most people right now. I feel like a black sheep among white sheep, and I am in dire need of a drastic change of some sort.

  The hard part is that I haven’t pinpointed exactly what I need yet.

  4. A few weeks ago I went for a 3 mile run. Nothing out of the ordinary. It felt a bit difficult, but I was able to manage a 10:31 pace. I felt slightly off the rest of the day, but chalked it up to a Sjögren’s flare. I woke up the next morning feeling like I was drunk.

  Spoiler: I had Covid.

  

  5. I have since recovered, and I was only immobile for the first 24 hours, but I still have some symptoms that I have deemed to be typical of most people. While in the throes of being sick my main symptoms were fatigue beyond fatigue (which is saying a lot from someone who already struggles with fatigue), a terrible headache the first day, a 24hr fever, and a lingering pressure off and on for a week making me feel foggy.

  Hmmm…sounds an awful lot like my autoimmune flareups.

  The hardest part was not bouncing back like I usually do when sick. When I am having a flareup, I know what I can do to get back to a baseline comfort. With this, I was unable to speed up the process. I had to wait it out. I still feel more tired than usual most days, and my typical activities wear me out quicker. I am thankful to have had “mild” symptoms in the grand scheme of it all, I know not everyone is so fortunate.

  I am slowly trying to build my endurance back up to what it was before I was chosen as a host for the virus.

  6. Sickness aside, I only managed to go on two hikes in the last two months, and I am certain my lack of outdoor time has affected my mental health. I went for a 5 mile snow hike back before Christmas (a photo of the camp shed is shared above), and I went for a 5 mile backyard hike last week. Last weeks hike was mild on paper, but thanks to the Rona hangover I was tired after half of it.

  

  

  7. I have been spending less time on social media lately. No matter how hard I try I find myself feeling worse after I spend time on any social media platform (except this one.) I deactivated my FaceBook account many months ago, but Instagram has always had its claws in me. I go on once every few weeks, but I don’t want to spend too much time watching other people live their lives, I want to live my own.

  8. Less time online gives me more time in the present feeling thankful. I am thankful for my body/immune system and its ability to fight off gross viruses (I attribute this to my lifestyle, and while I often get annoyed by my autoimmune disease, without it I wouldn’t be so strict with my diet), I am thankful for my cat – he was the best company while I was in quarantine, I am thankful for my family, and I am thankful for my boyfriend.

  Duncan and I grew closer the last month despite the fact we had to spend multiple weeks apart.

  

  9. My purpose with posts like this are to highlight the reality of life. I love sharing my adventures, but I haven’t had many lately, and sometimes life is heavy. I think it’s important to share everything so that we can all remember we are not alone. Life feels like a Groundhog Day right now, and I know I am not alone in this.

  10. Despite everything I have mentioned in this post, I know I am right where I am meant to be. My only goal for this year is to continue fighting the fear I have regarding the world. I sometimes don’t even know who I am anymore. I went from the girl who hiked mountains solo, traveled to places like Italy, Slovenia, and Poland alone, moved multiple times impulsively…to the girl who is at times fearful going for a run out her front door.

  I am hoping some soul searching will help me find my bravery again. Either way I am learning, and either way I am growing.

  

  Q: What’s your confession?

  

  | 25 Comments Tagged Early Morning Confessions, Life, Mental Health, Running

• Speaking Of

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on December 13, 2021

  I debated turning this into another Early Morning Confessions post, but I settled on a “proper” post that will likely still be a bit sporadic. A few things have happened in my world since we last spoke, nothing crazy, but a few fun things I wanted to share with the three people who visit my blog (my grandpa, my dad, and my boyfriend.)

  Speaking of my boyfriend, this cute mountain man turned another year older last month.

  

  

  I was a hot mess in my kitchen trying to bake with butter for what felt like the first time. At the height of my baking days I was plant based, so butter did not cross my lips. These days, I am still dairy free (except for those blue moon splurges when I eat the three day old pizza in my fridge on the first day of my period), so I still do not bake with butter.

  I found it surprisingly difficult to bake this cake, but after what felt like an entire afternoon the masterpiece was complete. Special shoutout to my mom and my cat for helping me. My mom with the KitchenAid, and my cat with emotional support. 32 going on 12 for me.

  Speaking of going on 12, I have grown exceptionally fearful of the world around me. No amount of protection is too much these days.

  

  I introduce to you my new running friend. I first discovered Go Guarded on Instagram, and I knew I had to have one of these mace/knife combos. I am extra alert these days while I run outside, but this tool helps me to feel a wee bit safer. Except for the constant fear of tripping and severing important arteries, but I’m more inclined to explore alone with this device.

  Speaking of exploring, I went bird watching for the first time in my life recently.

  

  Duncan and I went for a wetland walk, and he brought his binoculars with the hopes of seeing some birds. Birds we saw, but the highlight of this walk was a rogue seal who found his way to the inlands for some rest and relaxation. A pleasant surprise on this afternoon of adventure.

  Speaking of adventure, I went for my first snow hike of the season last week.

  

  Before 1/3 of my readers get upset (I’m looking at you dad), I did not go solo on this adventure in the snow. There were five of us who braved the lower temps with the hopes of awe and wonder. I will say, I was not expecting THIS much snow when I prepared for the hike, but thankfully a good base layer and an 850 down jacket kept me mostly warm.

  

  

  I only lost feeling in my digits a few times, thanks to my good friend Raynaud’s. We hiked for around four and a half hours, and managed just under 9 miles. I had hiked the trail to Annette Lake before, but never in the winter. I didn’t recognize a single part of this trail – could be because it’s been six years since I’ve hiked it, or could be because of the snow.

  Speaking of snow hikes, look at this gem photo I took of Duncan on my birthday back in February after a mass of snow fell on him.

  

  Little did we know two months after I snapped this photo we would be like school children in his car after a hike confessing we had weird bubbly feelings in our bellies for each other. Life is weird.

  That’s all for now.

  Q: What’re your holiday plans?

  

  | 38 Comments Tagged Baking, Hiking, Life

• Rachel / Rampart Lakes

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on November 16, 2021

  I’m loosing my interest in blogging these days. Not to the point where I feel I will stop, but enough to leave large chunks of time between each post. In reality I find that I often want to share things that are messy, deep, or related to mental health, and I don’t have much energy left to try and convey my points well. I continue to be affected by the world around me more than I’d like.

  I am also loosing my interest in hiking these days, but that is normal for me this time of year. The weather has gotten nasty, and the rain is more present than ever. I’m not against hiking in the rain, but my motivation is far lower when the mornings are dark and the days are wet. My motivation was higher last winter when one of my motives for hiking was to hangout with Duncan, which I suppose worked in my favor. 😉

  I did manage one more higher elevation climb before the snow hit last month.

  

  

  The hike we chose was to Rachel Lake, with the option to continue on to Rampart Lakes. We had read multiple recent trail reports stating the fall colors were out loud and proud, and I knew this was a “must do now” situation. On paper the elevation gain for the distance didn’t look bad. In reality, most of the elevation was in one spot – crawling over large roots and tromping through constant streams.

  It was a bit intense.

  This hike was brutal for me. I am in decent shape, but this hike kicked my ass. I knew going into this hike I would be run down, as I was due to start my period. Any woman out there knows the entire week before starting feels like cinderblocks are attached to our ankles at all times. The fatigue is intense, and I had already over done it with my running for the week. So I was tired, but I didn’t dare miss out on this epic fall hike.

  I made it to the first lake, oooo’d and ahhhh’d the unbelievable fall colors, and then I started my period.

  

  

  The air was chilly, so we didn’t sit and savor for too long. Just long enough to refuel the engine as mine was on empty after the climb it took to get to Rachel Lake. I ate a banana with generous scoops of Sunbutter, a Chomps meat stick with a potato, and two rows of Lily’s chocolate. I typically like to rest and digest after I eat, but if I sat too long my hiking crew would have had to drag me up the mountain to our next destination – Rampart Lakes.

  Period be damned.

  Now, while I was sitting on the rock in the above photo I was looking at the ridge on the other side of the lake thinking to myself, “no. no way am I going any further. Stick a fork in me – I am done.” Alas, I knew I would regret not pushing on, so we packed up our stuff and continued the journey. While my fatigue was still at a high, the exploration around Rampart Lakes was amazing, unlike anything I had seen on a PNW hike. Exploring almost always gives me a boost of energy.

  

  

  

  

  Each one of these photos showcases a different lake in a network of lakes. I quickly discovered why the word lake was plural in Rampart Lakes. These pools of water were seemingly endless, in a choose your own journey type of way. There were multiple paths going multiple ways, each leading to a new mystical lake. Once we were up in this area we had no end destination, we simply wandered until our tanks hit E again.

  We decided to pull the plug at a lake tucked into a basin, where once again we were met with breathtaking fall colors.

  

  

  

  I was enamored by the view shown in the above photo. I did nothing to alter that photo, and there appears to be a vertical line drawn separating two drastically different mountain landscapes. The sun clearly hits the areas on the right side of the photo more than the left, and what a beautiful representation of differences. A perfect view to turn around at.

  Our trek back down to Rachel Lake provided vast views of the surrounding mountains, and if I squint hard enough I can see the rock we ate lunch on.

  

  

  

  The hike down from Rachel Lake to the car was equally brutal as the hike up, but in new ways. I don’t typically have knee discomfort while hiking, but I did on this hike. The large step downs over the roots had me daydreaming of sitting my fanny on the cushy seat of the Subaru. By the time we made it back to the car we had clocked just under 11 miles with nearly 3000′ of elevation gain (over half of that in one spot – sheesh.)

  Needless to say I was shot by the end of the day, but I now have another wonderful adventure for the books.

  I don’t anticipate I will have many more hikes worthy of sharing here for the rest of the year, which means if I blog it will be about day to day life. As a consumer I prefer reading about peoples lives, but as a writer I hesitate more and more as I get older. Ironically I care less what people think, but I am trying to be mindful that we are still in a bit of a weird place right now with the way the world is being torn in two.

  As the literal darkness of fall and winter swallow us whole, my goal is to bring a small sliver of light to anyone who visits this small space.

  Q: How do you stay uplifted during the darker months?

  

  | 37 Comments Tagged Fall, Hiking, PNW, Rachel Lake

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on October 25, 2021

  1. I went for the most glorious bike ride recently with my favorite human, and I am still riding the high. We biked nearly two hours through the woods and my soul will be swooning for many days to come. I rode the bike I bought in Germany for the first time since March, and it was like having coffee with an old friend.

  

  2. Somehow I have been at REI for a year now. I told myself I would get this job until I figured out what was next, but it appears the world is still in proverbial flames, so for now this continues to be what’s next.

  3. We have approached the most wonderful hiking time of the year. Fall is my absolute favorite (along with most people I speak to), and the cooler weather, crunchy leaves, and autumn colors fill my cup in a way that cannot be done by summer rains.

  We’ve got backyard hikes…

  

  

  We’ve got far away hikes…(Mount Rainier)

  

  

  And of course we’ve got the hikes that are worthy of their own blog posts.

  4. I have recently been introduced to “walking in…” videos on YouTube. Basically you can find most any city you want to see someone walk around, and it is oddly satisfying and meditative. The first one I watched was the town I lived in DE, and it was a mixed bag of emotions. Highly recommend.

  5. Running has been so good to me. I continue to surprise myself by how far I have come with regard to this sport. For many years I ran for all the wrong reasons, causing burn out and overwhelm. I now run for my mental health, and watching my pace slowly get faster is just an added perk. I used to think anything above a 10 minute mile was slow, but I am humbled as it has taken me six months to find this pace again.

  

  

  6. Last September I moved back into my childhood home, and I was determined to only stay a short while. I have had moments of motivation to find my own space, but they continue to be fleeting. I find such comfort in staying with my mom and my sister, and I currently need this comfort more than I realized.

  7. Before I moved back to America I made a list of things I was going to miss about Germany, and a list of things I was looking forward to about being back in my home state. One thing I was looking forward to was taking a bite of my favorite muffins, muffins I hadn’t had since 2017 or 2018.

  It took me a full year, but I finally indulged in a muffin…twice.

  

  8. Ever since I hurt my back a few months ago it has never been the same. I have had the most obnoxious and annoying sciatica discomfort for weeks, and the only thing that helps is vertical movements (ironically running helps shake it out the most), and horizontal resting. Sitting down on my bum is a sure fire way to a game over.

  I have never felt more my age than I do now.

  9. After eight years of (comfortable and content) singledom I guess my heart isn’t as black as I thought, and after six months of dating I guess I am ready to properly introduce Duncan to blogland. Time spent with him in a corn maze, and picking out pumpkins is time well spent. ❤

  

  

  

  10. Every year when fall rolls around I feel twinges of grief with regard to my “former life.” Life before food sensitivities and autoimmune disease, life before anxiety and overthinking, life when I didn’t have to meticulously plan out my daily activities or meals. I have moments of jealousy towards those who can indulge in all the pumpkin and cinnamon treats without repercussions, but at the end of the day I am reminded why I choose to live the way I do. Feeling well far surpasses a pumpkin bagel with cream cheese. Alas, sometimes a splurge is necessary.

  Q: What’s your confession?

  

  | 35 Comments Tagged Biking, Early Morning Confessions, Hiking, Pumpkin, REI, Running

• Maiden Peak

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on October 4, 2021

  I recently went for a new to me hike, one I would have never done had it not been for the rugged safety of a vehicle belonging to someone else. I think back to some of the trails I hiked in the past and the roads I took to get there, and you couldn’t talk me into driving those roads again even if you told me a cupcake was waiting for me at the end.

  My Toyota sedan has done her job, and she has retired to calm terrain only these days.

  

  The destination was Maiden Peak, and the road to the Deer Park Campground where we started our hike isn’t the worst terrain, but the constant uphill on gravel roads without 4WD would give my tender little heart a bout of anxiety if in my car. I am thankful for friends who have more trail appropriate vehicles and are willing to carpool to these hikes.

  They have allowed me to see places I likely wouldn’t venture to alone.

  

  The benefit of driving up quite a ways is the payoff at the end of the hike, and we topped off at 6200ft. Starting at a higher elevation meant this hike started cold. We’re talking high 30’s cold. I was surprised by how cold it was when we started, and while I prefer hiking in cooler temps this was a bit of a shock to the system. The trail starts off with a walk downhill, which is always a sign some brutal Scheisse is about to come. What goes down, must go up.

  Right as rain the trail had such a steep incline I thought my calves were going to spontaneously combust.

  The trail gains 2100ft of elevation, and at times it felt like 1000ft of this was all at once. Trails like this open up to expansive views that are indescribable, and while the struggle was real at times I very much enjoyed this hike. It wasn’t all an uphill battle though, we evened out a handful of times for a reprieve, much like my mood after I come down from the sudden cortisol spike after too much coffee.

  

  

  We sat at our chosen destination of Maiden Peak for roughly ten minutes before the weather started to take a turn. The views of the surrounding mountains began to disappear as a thick fog rolled in. I enjoy when the weather is a combination of sun and clouds, it somehow feels like two different hikes. Alas, my bones grew cold once again and we packed our bags to begin our descent.

  

  I wasn’t cold for long as the trail began moving up and down like a wave, and the final push at the end (walking up the hill we initially went down) was enough to get my core temperature back up to baseline. We managed 8 miles of trail, 4 hours of conversation, and a full day of fun. These coworkers turned friends of mine are what keep me at my current job.

  That and the fact that I still don’t know what’s next.

  

  I’m a simple gal, with simple goals for my life. I want a roof over my head, good food in my belly, fun adventures here and there, and deep connections from select humans. I want to drink hot coffee atop mountains, cook nourishing meals while listening to Noah Kahan, read a book when it’s raining outside, soak in a hot tub under the stars with snow all around me, and ride my bike or walk through the woods with autumn leaves crunching under my tires or feet.

  I want to cuddle with my partner through the silence of the night, feel the low hum of my cats purr on my chest while resting on my favorite chair, sit in silence with my family while we each engage in our own activities, run on backcountry roads past cows and sheep with the smells of farmland wafting through my nostrils, cry until my temples ache, and laugh until my abs are sore.

  I want to live in each moment and to take each day as it comes, learning from others and learning from myself.

  

  My current job aligns with my current priorities in life, and in time those will both change. Life doesn’t have to be complicated, and I am at a point where I no longer feel the need to conform to a template built by anyone other than myself. Living an authentic life created exclusively by me – that is what I call success.

  Q: What are the ingredients for the successful soup of your life?

  

  | 13 Comments Tagged Hiking, Life, REI

• Kendall Katwalk Thoughts

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on September 27, 2021

  I seem to have developed a backwards case of writers block. Instead of having a lack of words to write, I am finding myself with so much to say I don’t know where to begin. So many thoughts, feelings, and emotions have been swirling inside my head lately, but the overwhelm of it all leaves me with a blank page and an overstimulated mind.

  This seems to be the norm for me, especially when in my luteal phase. I feel things stronger, I love things harder, and I overthink things longer. I have been challenged multiple times the last few months, but despite these challenges I know all of the times I am pushed to a zone of discomfort, I am pushed to a zone of growth.

  Human beings are unique, and we each have our own trials. As I continue to grow I continue to seek those who are willing to grow with me.

  

  

  I’ve been thinking a lot about all the people I have met throughout my life, and some of the adventures I have embarked on with these people. Some people I will never see again, and yet their presence in my life served a purpose I may never fully understand. We learn from people, and often times their personalities can serve as a type of mirror for us to see our own strengths and weaknesses.

  A normal part of life is spending time with those who are in close proximity to us. For me, I find I bond quickly with likeminded people I work with. I’ve been enjoying spending time with some of my coworkers, but I know eventually some of us will loose touch. Just like those I’ve lost touch with who I worked with prior.

  The natural ebb and flow of seasonal friendships can be painful, but there is always an open door for new relationships to be made.

  

  

  I’ve been hiking with a few pals I work with lately, and I am reminded why I chose to work at REI. I knew I needed to find some kind of community when I moved back to Washington, a community of people who share my common interests and hobbies. These moments in the mountains are therapeutic for me, and sometimes we share conversations that fuel my soul in a way that cannot be done by simply sitting in a coffee shop chatting.

  I once thought I preferred to be alone, but I’ve learned that it’s not as simple as a black and white equation. What I prefer is to be understood. To be heard, and to have others ask me how I’m doing from a place of genuine interest. To share my dreams and feelings from a place of true vulnerability. The older I get the stronger my desire to share the penetralia of my heart.

  These moments are rare, and the people with which I have these moments are hard to find. There are few feelings in life comparable to connecting with another person on a level where our scars live.

  

  

  The hike in this post is a hike I had done once before in 2014, and I couldn’t help but think about the last time I had hiked this. While I don’t remember much, it got me thinking about friends I hiked with in my early 20’s. 2014 was the beginning of discovering who I was, and hiking was a catalyst in this self discovery. So much time has passed, and I have morphed into an entirely new person.

  The beauty of life is that we are always evolving.

  On this recent hike my friends and I trekked 13 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail to the Kendall Katwalk. This day, along with many other days, will be etched into my memories as a positive moment amid times of chaos and convolution. The world is being torn in two right now and it’s messy and unsettling. I’m reminded in these times there are few things more important to me than my people.

  

  

  I think my hesitation in writing this post was a fear of getting “too deep.” I have a tendency to write from the depths of my heart, and while I regret none of those posts, I am trying to be mindful of what I put out into the world. This post is meant to be more of an appreciation post for human connection.

  I have learned to lean into my sensitive humanity, and I know only those who want the best for me will lean in too. Tell your friends how much you appreciate them, tell your partner how much you love them, tell your family (this doesn’t have to be a biological family) how thankful you are to have their support. Tell people their value, because you never know the impact your words may have on someone else.

  Q: Do you have an easy time being vulnerable with others?

  

  | 14 Comments Tagged Hiking, Kendall Katwalk, Life, PNW, Washington

• Early Morning Confessions

  Posted at 5:00 AM by Brittany, on August 9, 2021

  1. One month ago I had my best run since I started running again. I didn’t run far, and I didn’t run fast, but the combination of my distance and my pace showed progress from when I first restarted back in March. I was riding a high my entire drive home, and I was excited for the runs to come.

  

  2. Just a few short hours after this run, I was helping my mom clean out her garage. I was feeling amazing, and I was very motivated to get a lot done, so my movements were quick and I wasn’t being very mindful. I attempted to lift a bag of concrete, immediately causing me to keel over from a twinge I felt in my back.

  One slipped disc, endless days of sciatic pain, a week off of work, lots of dark moments alone with my thoughts, and 4 weeks later I am finally able to walk without pain.

  I’d be lying if I said taking a month off of running (or anything physical) didn’t make me incredibly sad, and the thought of having to “start over” again is overwhelming, but I know if I did it once I can do it again. Don’t forget to lift with your knees kids, and don’t ever attempt to lift a bag of concrete.

  3. About a week before my back injury I went for my first solo hike in a looonnggg time. It was a trail I had done many times, and it wasn’t anything crazy, but I had forgotten how therapeutic it is for me to walk in the woods alone.

  

  4. I’ve been home from my vacation for a month and a half now, and I already want to go on a another one. Sigh.

  5. Speaking of vacation, I spent so much time focusing on Glacier and the Sawtooth’s I never shared the very first hike I went on in Kalispell, MT. A cute little backyard hike with a cute little view.

  

  6. I think a couple of my coworkers dislike me, but I have reached the point where I genuinely don’t care.

  7. The master technician at my work has a liking for slugs the same way one would have a liking for cats, or dogs. Anyone who knows me knows I have a phobia of slugs, so you can understand my struggle each time I walk into the shop and am met with a slug calendar.

  Month after month I am forced to avoid eye contact with these grotesque creatures, all the while dodging laughs from my coworkers about my unique phobia.

  It’s all in good fun, and while I truly detest the calendar, I thought it would be funny to play a prank on my coworker. The last day of July I printed a photo of my face to put onto the slug body for the month of August, so that when he flipped the page to see what he considers to be “cute”, he would instead be met with my face. It was unbelievably difficult for me to actually touch the photo, but it was so worth it.

  

  8. Someone once told me putting bananas in the fridge helped to prolong their life. Makes sense, so I started doing it. I can now only eat bananas if they are fresh out of the fridge. The flavor change of a cold banana is unbelievably delicious. Cold bananas > room temp bananas.

  9. I went for my first bike ride in over a month last week after my back finally started feeling better, and I was honked at by an asshole driver. I was already having a rough week, so this hand to the horn gesture might have made me cry. I will neither confirm nor deny that…Either way it was great to get back on the saddle.

  Five days later I rode 22 miles. I’d say we’ve officially healed from the above mentioned chaos that was a back injury.

  

  10. I’m sick of summer. I am so ready for cooler weather, pumpkin patches, crunchy leaves, and sweater season. Fall please hurry up.

  Q: What’s your confession?

  

  | 34 Comments Tagged Biking, Early Morning Confessions, Hiking

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