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  • Tag: Emotions

    • The Time Has Come the Walrus Said

      Posted at 10:30 AM by Brittany, on March 4, 2016

      …to talk of many things.

      The last time I started a post with these words I shared with the world my thoughts, feelings, and emotions after going through a breakup. No, let me rephrase – after going through the breakup. You know, the one that shakes you so hard to the core that your life will never be the same.

      Grab a cup of coffee, this is going to be one of those posts.

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      Coffee tastings inspire me to be creative.

      I’m thankful for this time in my life, and despite going through the typical hardships that come with a split it was in this time that I discovered how to be on my own. I had a sense of peace about the situation that I will never forget.

      I will also never forget how this relationship robbed me of my ability to be vulnerable. I made it my mission to be stronger alone and never again let someone make me loose all desire to have a mind of my own. It took me three years to realize I had accomplished this mission, but had then continued running with it further than I needed to.

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      For the last few months I’ve been in an odd place. I have alluded to a void that I have been trying to fill in other posts, but they all come back to the fact that I feel out of balance mentally, physically, and spiritually.

      I’ve been trying to figure out the root cause of a myriad of health issues the last nine months which has put me into a bit of a funk. I don’t believe in a quick fix, and am not interested in drugs, pills, or other cover-ups which has made this process a bit long. I am a big believer that most anything can be fixed through food.

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      I’ve developed a handful of food intolerance’s the last year that suddenly gave me the desire to try adding animal products back into my diet. Long story short this hasn’t been working and always leaves me mentally distraught. I regret nothing, and don’t feel the need to expand on this anymore. I’m only sharing because I believe in being as transparent as possible.

      I still haven’t figured everything out, but what I have figured out is that after being fearful of what I ate for months, stuffing any emotions that I felt because: “I can do this on my own, no one wants to hear my problems” and eventually spiraling into a: “I don’t care anymore I’m going to eat anything and everything” what I need is quite simple. What I need is other people.

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      In all honesty it’s been difficult finding other people that enjoy the things I enjoy. I’m an odd bird that enjoys eating plants, running streets, climbing mountains, and exploring new places. You’d think living in the PNW this would be simple, but I’m surrounded by sedentary people. In order for me to find a circle of people I genuinely enjoy being around I will have to step outside of my comfort zone.

      What started as a necessary journey of figuring out how to be on my own, has transitioned me into a deep hole of isolation from other people. I don’t know how to talk to people about my feelings because I’ve never felt validated. I don’t regret taking the time to be alone, but I’m starting to realize that perhaps the void I’m seeking to fill is learning how to be vulnerable again, and knowing that it’s OK to fall down.

      Human beings thrive on companionship and while it’s essential to know how to stand on your own, I now realize it’s just as essential to lean on each other when you’re in need of an ear to listen, an arm to hug, or a partner to run with.

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      Early morning solo runs require mace.

      I don’t typically enjoy posting things like this, but to bring this topic of leaning on others full circle I want anyone else out there to know that if you’re feeling similar things that you’re not alone. We all go though moments in life that cause us to reflect, and it’s what we do with the thoughts and emotions that matters. You can either sink with the waves or swim to the shore.

      Last week I set out for a bike ride only to discover I had a flat tire. Drat. I knew how to take the wheel off my bike thanks to watching my dad do it many times. The problem didn’t arise until I returned home from REI to discover I couldn’t figure out how to get the wheel back onto the gears. I let the bike sit in my garage for a few days before deciding to take the bike back (stuffing it awkwardly in my car because I didn’t want to have to ask for help) and let them reattach my wheel.

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      I knew in the back of my mind that I had a neighbor familiar with bikes, but I had never spoken to him. I didn’t want to ask him for help because it made me uncomfortable. Just as I was going to attempt getting my car filthy I got a burst of confidence and decided to ask him for help.

      He put the tire back on my bike in less than a minute.

      It’s in these moments of discomfort that we grow. I’m uncomfortable asking other people for help, but it’s time for me to get over that. It’s OK to need other people. It’s OK to need help, and more importantly it’s OK to be vulnerable. No one is created with bionic emotions, so it’s essential for us to embrace them all. Besides, helping others gives me a great excuse to bake cookies and share coffee as a thank you.

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      The best part of not knowing my neighbors is that they’d have no idea my cookies were vegan. Classic chocolate chip cookies to highlights the beautiful cocoa notes of the sweet and full bodied Caffe Verona.

      Writing this post feels good, like a small weight has been lifted. Overall things in my world are great – I’m an optimist, and stubborn as hell so I see every experience as an opportunity to grow into a bigger and better you. I’m ready to put this experience into my learning jar and move forward.

      So who wants to come venture into the mountains with me? I suppose not every hike needs to be solo. 😉

      No questions today, just feel free to share thoughts, experiences, and emotions.

      b

      | 94 Comments Tagged Biking, Emotions, Friendship, Life, Running
    • Rainbows and Glitter

      Posted at 7:19 AM by Brittany, on November 6, 2013

      The support I received on my last post was amazing, and very appreciated. After reading through the comments and hearing some feedback, I think perhaps the post came off a bit heavier, or more depressing than I intended it to. Clearly my thoughts are still somewhat of a jumbled mess, and my transportation onto online paper was not a complete success. Overall my last post was meant to be a positive one. Despite some of the emotions I am still working through, I am optimistic and calm. I said I wasn’t good with these things!

      After attending another amazing spin class last night I think my words may have come to me in a way that makes more sense. Long story short is this..when I was in those moments during spin where I was pushing my body to its limits I realized how resilient I really am. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. This was the first time in months I felt my life having some kind of order, and the best way to continue is with these small routines.

      BOOM, OK I hope that came off more positive because despite the overwhelming support from my blog family on my last post, I did NOT want to be a Debbie downer! AIN’T no body got time fo dat! Now I want to list some things that make me happy. I want to puke rainbows and glitter in this post and make it disgustingly positive.

      • Leaf littered benches. Fall, you continue to steal my heart. ❤ swoon.

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      • Balanced meals. It may be hard to believe with all the sweets I post, but this is the majority of what I eat. I don’t post my meals because they are boring, but man are they tasty. I would eat cupcakes all day if I could though..

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      • Starbucks red cups. Everyone and their mom has posted about these, but my coffee really does taste so much better out of a holiday cup. It’s a scientific fact.

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      • Spin. Well…duh.

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      • COFFEE. I love everything about coffee, it just makes me feel so fuzzy inside and reminds me of crisp mountain mornings with a small layer of fog hiding the sun.
      I think I'm going to talk to my boss about becoming a coffee master at work! WHOOOO!

      I think I’m going to talk to my boss about becoming a coffee master at work! WHOOOO!

      • Cats. Call me crazy, but I feel like I’ve grown closer to my two cats the last 6 months. HAHA I have to laugh as I type that, but I am so serious! They are with me everywhere when I am home and they snuggle every night. It’s wonderful.

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      Failed attempt at a cat beard. I promise I am not hurting him..

      Failed attempt at a cat beard. I promise I am not hurting him..

      • BLOG FRIENDS AND MY FAMILY! You all rock my socks and make me smile. Thanks for always hanging out with me during all my crazy blog shenanigans!

      Q: What makes you most happy right now??

      b

      | 80 Comments Tagged Coffee, Emotions, Random, Spinning, Vegan
    • Small Victories

      Posted at 8:53 AM by Brittany, on November 4, 2013

      The other night I attended my first spin class in almost 6 months. It’s hard to believe I used to go to spin 3-4 times a week for over a year. While my unaccustomed backside cried out in discomfort from the saddle, and my legs screamed in pain from 6 minutes of straight sprints, I realized something..something monumental. In that moment I felt complete.

      This is a bike. Not my bike, and not my spin bike..but a bike..I rode this bike one time.

      This is a bike. Not my bike, and not my spin bike..but a bike..I rode this bike one time.

      I’ve never been one to enjoy talking about deep emotions, I struggle with being vulnerable and in all honesty I hate putting my “problems” onto other people. I know what it’s like to listen to others go on and on about things they cannot change, so despite some of my internal battles, I don’t like to share them. It’s been hard for me to admit that although it’s been nearly 6 months I am still not fully recovered from my breakup. I still have moments of complete weakness where I breakdown at the drop of a hat. That’s really hard to admit.

      If you're worried about falling off the bike, you'll never get on.

      If you’re worried about falling off the bike, you’ll never get on.

      It’s hard for me to admit that at times I still feel like I am lost, and that my direction continues to go up, then down, and then back, and then up again. It all feels complicated.

      indibikes_solve-problems

      I’ve had wonderful adventures lately, and I really am finding my happiness, but I still feel as if some days are a bit of a black clouded blur. This spin class opened my eyes to what I need in my life. I need a routine. My work schedule isn’t consistent, and I can’t say I like the inconsistency, but it’s something I have to accept with this job. This spin class reminded me of the days when I had a strict, yet wonderful routine.

      There is no guidebook to tell me when I am supposed to feel complete, and I’ve realized the “self work” I have to do takes TIME. Finding a consistent schedule is going to be one of the keys I need for my happiness. That spin class was a small victory for me on my road to success. I now see that I don’t need to be a medical professional to be happy, I just need a consistent schedule that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished my day. I love ending my day feeling exhausted.

      I have learned so much about myself in the last 6 months it’s almost crazy to look back and see where my life was a year ago. All this time I was longing for the past and struggling with my present, without realizing some of the simple things that would help me move forward. The saying, “live and learn” really means more than I thought. One day I will return to school and pursue a career, but for now I hope to find my balance in routine.

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      Q: How do you feel about sharing/reading more “emotional” posts? I struggle with them and I don’t feel like the world needs to know everything, but sometimes sharing can be cathartic. I also enjoy reading more personal posts when I can relate to them. 

      b

      | 66 Comments Tagged Biking, Emotions, Life, Random, Spinning
    • BRITTANY- Self proclaimed minimalistic nomad striving to maintain a balanced, healthy life with good food, long bike rides, deep connections, exploration, and lots of cucumbers.
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