After Mothers Day, I took nine days off from running. Nine days. For my non running friends this may sounds like NO big deal, but to a runner this is a century. I just..didn’t feel like running. Mentally I was unable to get myself outside. Instead I went to spin class almost every single evening, and yoga almost every single morning. (Must stay active.)
Finally by day 10, I decided it was time. I felt that urge that I hadn’t felt for nine days. Since then I have run a handful of times, and each time I have had my Garmin with me, but did not look at the pace until I was done. The numbers mess with my head too much.
I’m not mad at that pace..in fact all my runs lately have been in the 9:30 range. Given I am not running far, but I am also not dying. These runs feel good! I credit that to the rain. I have been loving running in the rain. It feels so raw and cleansing.
I have been trying to find myself as a runner the past couple weeks. Sounds kind of corny, but let me explain. I love running. I don’t always love it mid-run, but after I finish a run I am always on cloud nine. With that said, there were times I felt like I was running for other people, always comparing myself and wanting to get that shiny new PR. You can see how running for all the wrong reasons would cause you to fall out of love with it.
All my runs are solo these days, which gives me a lot of time to think and reflect. While I loved having a running partner, I am embracing these solo runs and challenging myself to run on intuition. Running with other people motivates me to push my pace a little faster, but in the end that could tire me out. Running alone means I focus on myself…that’s it.
I’ve stopped using Dailymile because I found that it stressed me out at times to run a certain pace. I found myself running to be able to share it online, or with friends-big mistake. In time I may use DailyM again, but for now my runs are for me, and occasionally will be shared on the blog (the super duper good runs of course.) I’ve also stepped away from training plans that make me feel like I have to run. I will run only when I want to. This doesn’t mean I won’t be training for a half marathon in the future, just not right now.
This is not an overnight process, it will take time. I am going to stay calm even when I have a “bad” run. I have a goal to be “that” runner that runs for fun, for therapy, and for health. I run for health right now, and sometimes for therapy, but very rarely for fun. All in time. Moral of the story: Run for yourself, this goes for any kind of workout. Capish?
ALRIGHT that was way too much seriousness for one post. I had some cake the other day and anytime someone came near me while I was crouching in the corner I felt like this.
Q: Have you found your workouts lacking lately because your mental state wasn’t where it should be? “You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.” -J.M