**I struggled with hitting publish on this post. I feel vulnerable putting my thoughts out there, but perhaps being vulnerable can be good.**
Initially I wanted to blog about the amazing cookies I baked the other day, but somewhere over the course of the night my mind decided otherwise. I have been thinking about a post like this for a little over a week now, but was unsure whether I should write it. I like to keep my blog positive and steer clear of any “attention seeking” posts. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with others blogging about personal struggles, but I’ve just never done it. Maybe it’s time to give it a try.
Given that this is “my” blog and for those of you that read my blog regularly, I will probably still try to keep this post upbeat and incorporate any kind of humor I can to keep my voice prevalent throughout the post. Fact of the matter is that we’re all human and shit happens. It’s whether or not you embrace the smelly shit and wipe it off your shoe, or continue to walk with it for far too long. If wordy posts aren’t for you, feel free to skip this one. I’ll be back with food and running updates in my next post.
Here’s the deal: My life looks like this right now..
Normally I love roller-coasters, the bigger the better, but not when it comes to my life. This is the only roller-coaster you will hear me ask to get off of. I am the one annoying child in the corner crying and raising my hand to get off becasue I have peed my pants out of fear. This is normal thought right? It’s times like these that make us grow and figure out who we are as individuals? If so I am ready to start the growth..seriously..I’m ready.
My personal life is a wreck. The details of this will not be shared at this time. All I will say is that EACH day is different. Each day is new, and each day is completely controlled by me. I can choose to be a depressed slug and lay in bed all day, or I can choose to get off my ass and go find something to do. I have to admit I have done much more of the former these past 2 weeks. My sleep is off, my appetite is off, my personality is off, and my energy is off. Let me just say I am NOT looking for sympathy with this, I just need to get it OUT of my brain and “vent” so to speak. Who know’s maybe someone else can read this and relate. My professional life is a bit of a wreck to..welcome to the party. No where to go but up right?
You all remember these guys right? This was a math related problem that I loved because it was easy. That’s my problem..I like things that are easy. Chasing after the easy way never gets you anywhere let me just say that right now. Anyway, allow me explain my use of the diagram.
As some of you know, I recently quit my job to focus on school. Well not long after my last day of work, I dropped the class I was taking because I was getting too stressed out. I KNOW I KNOW somebody slap me. Here’s the deal though, I had already taken this class..and I got a REALLY good grade. A 3.6 to be exact, that would be a 91%..in Microbiology. I hate science..so this is a big deal. It’s not that I don’t want to be a dental hygienist..in fact I REALLY want to be one..but I also REALLY want to be a train conductor for small children in the local mall.
I’m kidding, I don’t want to be a conductor..I only said that because I actually saw this in the mall a few days ago. It was really weird. My point being..there are A LOT of things that I feel like I REALLY want to do with my life. This is where the diagram comes into play..I have section A being realistic life dreams that will take care of me, and I have section B being other ideas floating around my mind that could be fun. The middle section is where I have a problem.
- A. Dental Hygiene
- B. Nutrition, Dental Assisting, ANY medical profession, Bachelors in Psychology (what would I do with this? I figure everyone has a brain..so psych comes around in any job) Bachelors in ANYTHING, join the circus.
- Middle. So traditionally this is the section where the common qualities of both A and B come to play. I’m going to break the rules a bit and simply put one phrase into the middle. “ENDLESS OPPORTUNITY.” Both sections have some kind of promise.
THAT’s the problem. I am unemployed, I am not in school, and I literally have the world at my fingertips..but I have no idea what I want to grab. I’m literally in a life slump where I have NO idea what I am doing. Anyone else stuck in this slump? Let’s make taco’s and have a fiesta while we pull ourselves out. The bottom line is I need to start thinking about my life. I need to think about what I want to do, who I want around, and where I want to go. I have been struggling with this process for quite some time now, and I have to thank my mom, my dad, and Manfriend for continuing to tell me things will be OK. Thank god for family.
This is where I start the conclusion of the post. I have to stop whining about being “lost.” I have good friends, good family, great cats, and a roof over my head with a TON of delicious food. I am alive, I am growing, I am learning, and I am becoming a new person. 2 weeks away from “real” life gives you A LOT of time to think and reflect on what you do and don’t want. I don’t want to be without for too much longer. What I do know is that I need to be completely sure before I make any decisions. For now, I will continue to figure things out.
- Who actually read this beast?
- How long did it take you to figure out what you wanted to do?